I think I can speak for everyone when I say that 2023 been a biiiiiig year. I know, I know, we all say that every year. But I do think that 2023 has been a whopping one.
While we’re all crawling to the holiday period for some much-needed rest and recuperation, I thought it would be nice to take a walk down memory lane at the year that was. After all, a lot has gone down.
There have been multiple celebrity divorces, and a bunch of our favourite celebs have popped out kids. We’ve come leaps and bounds in women’s sport and been captivated by the silliest shit online. But along with the immense highs, there have been some shocking lows.
Here, we’ve recapped the best, worst and, of course, most cooked moments of 2023.
JANUARY 2023
BEST: Our Collective Mother Paris Hilton Becomes An Actual Mum ——— And Fends Off Fuckwits Making Fun Of Her Kid’s Head
Paris Hilton — mother to reality television, mother to the phrase “that’s hot” and now, mother to an actual child. Paris and her husband Carter Reum welcomed not one, but two, kids this year. The first was a baby boy named Phoenix Barron Hilton Reum who was brought into the world via surrogacy in January.
But once the new parents felt comfortable sharing pics of baby Phoenix, people online had some pretty fucked things to say about the size of the kid’s head. It was a pretty awful discourse to witness until Miss Girl Paris took things into her own hands and released a statement condemning the troll’s shit behaviour.
Talk about getting a stern talking to from ya mum!!!!
Paris and Carter also had a baby girl via surrogacy in November 2023 who they named London. Huge year for the happy couple, hey?
WORST: Ariana DeBose viral BAFTA soundbite… you know the one
First, let me begin by saying that the world would be incomplete without theatre kids. However, I have my limits. In this case, my limit was the viral soundbite of incredibly talented actor performer Ariana DeBose performing at the BAFTA awards.
It has to be seen to be believed but basically, she opened the show by performing a tribute to the women nominated for awards. Along with singing, she also did a little rap moment that went shockingly viral.
Especially the deliciously millennial line, “Angela Bassett did the thing, Viola Davis my Woman King.
My mind played it on repeat. I hated it. Moving on.
— Laura, Entertainment Reporter.
COOKED: Prince Harry Released A Memoir Which I’d Argue Talks About His Dick Too Much
On January 10, 2023, Prince Harry released his long-awaited memoir “Spare”. It featured all sorts of royal tea from fights he had with his brother, how many people he killed in combat and whether King Charles was really his dad (spoiler: he is, if you couldn’t tell from the ears).
But the book also covered some more intimate details about Harry’s … — I’ll use his word — todger.
Unbeknownst to me, there have been rumours about whether Hazza and Willy are circumcised for years. Thankfully for those interested, he confirmed that they are both circumcised. But that’s not where the peen talk ended.
He also revealed that he lost his virginity to an “older woman” whom he rooted in a field when he was 16. However, it later turned out that the woman who took his V-card was only 19 at the time. Older woman, my ass!!!!
That’s still not all of the wang talk. In the memoir, Prince Harry recounted a time when he got frostbite on his schlong and to help the healing, he chucked on some Elizabeth Arden cream on it — the cream his late mum Diana used to use.
“My mum used that on my lips, you want me to put that on my todger?” he wrote.
“I found a tube and the minute I opened it the smell transported me through time. It felt like my mother was in the room. I took a smidge and applied it down there.”
What in the fresh Freudian hell is this?
— Laura, Entertainment Reporter.
FEBRUARY 2023
BEST: Pedro Pascal Daddying Harder Than Anyone Has Ever Daddied
We’ll say it: daddy discourse is a little tired.
But it truly reached its zenith this year when The Last of Us star Pedro Pascal leaned into his daddy reputation harder than the internet’s boner for him. He famously told Vanity Fair that “daddy is a state of mind”, and later told ET that he’s a “cool slutty daddy”. The internet has long been rampantly horny for celebrities, but never have they been so horny back to us.
Pedro, you are a gift.
— Alex, Head of Editorial.
WORST: Multi-Millionaires Complaining About Tax Cuts When They Have $3 M+ In Their Super
In February, Prime Minister Anthony Albanese announced that the richest 0.5% of Australians would see their super tax rate double to 30%. The change, to come in from July 2025, would only affect people with more than $3 million in their accounts. Yet, the super-rich did not want to pay their fair share and made sure to make a big huff about it in the headlines.
I mean, won’t someone think of the poor multi-millionaires? They’ve had it too hard for too long.
Treasurer Jim Chalmers hit back, saying he believed it was the right policy outcome, adding that pressures on the government budget were “getting harder”. Still, given the tax won’t come into play until after the next election, voters will have plenty of time to weigh it up and give their feedback.
— George, News Writer.
COOKED: America and China almost starting a war over weather/spy balloons
When an unusually large white balloon was spotted floating over North American skylines, people were ~concerned~. Especially when it decided to take a cheeky pitstop over some sensitive nuclear missile silos.
So, in a typical US move, they shot the thing down and discovered that it was — as President Biden put it —”part of a larger Chinese surveillance balloon program”. The Chinese government claimed it was just a wayward weather balloon that had flown off course and that the US governments were being sooky la-las and overreacting.
The balloon itself wasn’t your regular old balloon that escaped from a birthday party. It was reportedly about 60 metres tall and filled with high-tech equipment.
Then, not long after, three more objects were shot down over North America and the US. It was full-on panic mode with people wondering whether these balloons would kick off another war. But in late June, a Pentagon spokesman stated that they didn’t believe the balloon collected information during its time floating over the US skyline.
— Laura, Entertainment Reporter.
MARCH 2023
BEST: Gwyneth Paltrow Delivering Ski Trial Chic
Has anyone ever looked more on trial for a skiing accident than Gwyneth Paltrow?
So said a viral tweet (which I can no longer find) of Gwyneth’s day one outfit for her trial against fellow skier Terry Sanderson: a cosy knit white turtleneck sweater (apparently from the Olsen twins brand The Row) and glasses that can only be described as “serial killer adjacent”.
In the days that followed, Gwyneth’s ski trial looks earned more coverage than the trial itself: a belted ivory cardigan, a dark blue sweater and matching skirt, a white button down, and a pale pink pussy bow blouse.
Most of her outfits were from her own label, G.Label by Goop, because Gwyneth knows a branding opportunity when she sees one. She paired the looks with luxury moments like camel Celine boots or a Prada polo cashmere shirt, and in the process managed to turn her particular brand of out-of-touchness into something camp, and therefore almost (almost) above rebuke.
The cherry on top? Her instantly-memed “I wish you well” message to Sanderson after winning the case.
— Alex, Head of Editorial.
WORST: Literal Nazi’s Protesting Against Trans Rights At Victorian Parliament House
On March 18, a group of neo-Nazis held a protest out the front of Victoria’s Parliament House, and performed the Nazi salute. The group, who called themselves “The National Socialist Movement” consisted of around 30 men, who were joined by an anti-trans protest group led by Kellie-Jay Keen-Minshul (also known as Posie Parker).
I won’t share a photo because they simply don’t deserve the attention.
— Dan Andrews (@DanielAndrewsMP) March 19, 2023
But yesterday, anti-trans activists gathered to spread hate.
And on the steps of our Parliament, some of them performed a Nazi salute.
A number of the protestors and Nazis were arrested by police when the protest turned violent. Thankfully, this shameful event did lead to Victoria fast-tracking laws to make performing the Nazi salute and other gestures illegal in the state. If having literal fucking Nazis still exist and hold a protest in 2023 isn’t cooked, then I don’t know what is.
—Lachlan, Arvo/Nights Writer.
Cooked: Scandoval Was The Most Shocking Reality Scandal Of The Year
The cheating scandal on Vanderpump Rules — AKA Scandoval — was easily the biggest reality television scandal of the year, going down in the books as one of the juiciest, most explosive events in reality TV history. It’s got everything you love in good television — a lover scorned, betrayal, and a woman overcoming it all to come out on top. Beautiful.
Basically, it all kicked off when it was revealed that Tom Sandoval, one of the OG stars of the show, had been having an affair with a co-star Raquel Levis. But what made it so intense is that Tom had been in an on-screen power couple with fellow OG star Ariana Madix for nine fkn years.
Ariana discovered the affair after finding an explicit video on Tom’s phone. Two days later, the news broke and the whole cast started taking sides, mostly with Madix.
Due to how huge the scandal is, filming resumes and one of the most dramatic seasons of Vanderpump Rules ensues.
— Laura, Entertainment Reporter.
APRIL 2023
BEST: Sofia Richie Rebranded Into The Ultimate Chic Bride & Changed The Game Of Weddings Forever
When Sofia Richie Grainge said “I do” to her now-husband Elliot Grainge she changed the way we’d think of weddings forever. Dramatic, yes absolutely, but stay with me.
Giving us the Gen-Z royal wedding, Sofia candidly documented the whole lavish event on TikTok. She invited us into the process of choosing her three (yes, three) Chanel wedding dresses and truly cemented her status as a bonafide “it” girl.
Personally, I think Sofia Richie Grainge walked so Madelaine Brockway could run. And then crash and burn. But we’ll get to her later.
— Laura, Entertainment Reporter.
WORST: Jerry Springer Died Aged 79
TV host and US politician Jerry Springer died on April 27 2023 due to pancreatic cancer. Honestly, the news caught me soooo off guard as he always strikes me as the kinda man who would live forever.
The Jerry Springer Show will always be a fond memory of my childhood… Even though I shouldn’t be exposed to that content at such young age. Oh well, the “Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!” chant will forever pop up in my mind when family drama goes down.
— Rebekah, Arvo/Nights Writer.
COOKED: Frank Ocean Messing Up Yet Another Live Set
I’m just gonna say it: Frank Ocean is a musical genius, however his live sets are cursed.
Coachella 2023 was expected to be an iconic year as Ocean was expected to headline the festival. It was supposed to be history-making, revolutionary and everything your Tumblr girlie dreams wanted.
Unfortunately, it all began when the big bosses at Coachella pulled his set times from the YouTube live stream, alongside Bjork’s. Soon after that, a sign that read “NO FRANK OCEAN MERCHANDISE” went viral on X.
Finally, it was time for Ocean’s set and the fans were not vibing. He was over an hour late to the stage and allegedly performed behind a screen whilst lip-syncing. And this was accompanied by a 10-minute interlude which was just footage of a twerking security guard on the jumbotron.
What a MESS.
The set was eventually cut short for allegedly “breaching curfew” on all three days of the festival. Ocean cancelled his performance for weekend two of Coachella. His set times were replaced with a performance from Blink-182, Skrillex, Fred Again… and Four Tet.
Although most of the feedback from Ocean’ set was negative, the singer paid tribute to his late brother Ryan Breaux who tragically passed away in car accident in 2020.
Regardless of these reviews, I would still pay a shit tonne of money to see Ocean live.
— Rebekah, Arvo/Nights Writer.
MAY 2023
BEST: The Entertainment Industry Went On Strike To Demand Better Working Conditions
The Writer’s Guild of America (WGA) went on strike in May, demanding better conditions and higher pay. They were followed by the and The Screen Actors Guild-American Federation of Television and Radio Artists (SAG-AFTRA) the following month.
It came after a breakdown in negotiations between the unions and the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers (AMPTP), and affected a huge number of streaming companies and film studios.
The strikes dragged on for months as the studios refused to budge, and although painful for those not working, especially the lowest earners, the unions eventually won out. The final agreement was ratified earlier this month. Striking is tough, no doubt about it, but power in numbers is the number one tool of the working class, and nobody showed that more than those brave workers who stuck it out for many months. The lesson from all this? Join your union.
WORST: Taylor Swift goes through a yucky boy phase by dating Matty Healy
Today, Taylor Swift seems to be in a happy relationship with giant man and American football player Travis Kelce. It’s a relo so widely accepted and supported by the Swifties, that I feel like it’s almost been enough to eclipse the fact that Miss Swift dated The 1975 frontman and noted yucky boy Matty Healy back in May.
The pair had been longtime collaborators and pals since 2014, but it wasn’t until Taylor and Joe Alwyn broke up that Matty and Taylor’s friendship turned romantic. Originally, their romance started as a thinly veiled rumour with fans building complete conspiracies about their romance due to little things the musos would do on stage.
Incidentally, the conspiracies turned out to be correct because in early May, the pair were papped together in the world’s blurriest image. Then, Matty was spotted at her Eras Tour gigs before legit clear-as-day pictures of the couple emerged.
To put it politely, the Swifites were not pleased. But, as if all the Swifties used their collective manifestation powers at once, Taylor and Matty’s fling only lasted until early June when they called it quits.
Throughout it all, I have firmly believed that there was nothing serious between Matty and Taylor. After all, she was on the rebound and he had a whole heap of PR nightmares that I don’t feel like Taylor would be entirely willing to sort through. If there’s one hill I’ll die on in the entertainment space, it’s that we often don’t allow for any nuance in celebrity relationships.
I genuinely, wholeheartedly, believe that Matty Healy and Taylor Swift were — in fact — just fucking.
— Laura, Entertainment Reporter.
COOKED: That Guy With The Weird Sausage Fingers Was Coronated As King Of A Heap Of Places, Including Australia for Some Reason
2023 was a big year for fans of Netflix’s The Crown, with the show releasing its highly anticipated final season in December. However, eagle-eyed fans might have noticed in May when one of the real-life characters from the show was actually crowned as King of the British Royal family.
In what was a relatively humble event – only requiring weeks of media coverage in the lead up to and in the aftermath of – the official coronation of King Charles III was held on May 6 and garnered millions of viewers worldwide and even more memes.
The-Charles-formerly-known-as-Prince is most known for classic moments such as the time he told his lover/the current Queen Camilla that he wished he could become her tampon, and also for having sausages for fingers.
What the actual fuck pic.twitter.com/UD6HFnqnoa
— Lauren McKenzie (@TheMcKenziest) May 6, 2023
Bonus cooked fact: he’s now King of Australia too. Isn’t that just [comment redacted by the Commonwealth].
— Lachlan, Arvo/Nights Writer.
JUNE 2023
BEST: Kourtney Kardashian Announces Her Pregnancy At A Blink-182 Concert
After begging the baby gods for a lil kiddo of their own (as documented on The Kardashians), cooked but cute couple Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker announced that they were expecting their first bub together.
They did so in the most Travis and Kourtney way: with a rock n’ roll reference to Travis band Blink-182’s “All The Small Things” music video.
Kourto recreated the iconic vid by showing up at Travis’ show with a ‘yuge carboard sign that read: “TRAVIS I’M PREGNANT.”
YEAH SHE IS! (Credit: Instagram)
Us Kravis shippers were absolutely thrilled to see that our king and queen had been blessed with the bub they so desperately wanted and their incredibly iconic announcement was nothing short of brilliant.
Long live Kravis!
— Matty, Managing Editor.
WORST: Aussie Swifties Miss Out On Taylor Swift Tickets
Man, oh, man. It has been a bit of a rough year for Aussie Swifties. Initially, there was the high of knowing that our pop princess was bringing her Eras Tour Down Under. But, as she’d only be performing three shows in Melbourne and four shows in Sydney, it soon became apparent that a whoooolllee heap of fans would miss out.
The tickets for the Aussie Eras Tour initially went on sale on June 28 and it was an absolute shitfight. Even with extra seating being released and extra dates announced, Taylor Swift tickets were still harder to get your hands on than a soft serve from Maccas on a 40-degree day.
Thankfully for the fans who missed out, Taylor released a film capturing the magic of the Eras Tour that fans could watch at the cinema and now, rent and watch from the comfort of their own home.
If you’re still hoping to nab some tix, we’ve compiled all the current competitions running to win Taylor Swift tickets.
— Laura, Entertainment Reporter.
COOKED: That One Scene In The Idol, You Know The One
We all knew The Idol was going to be cooked given the plethora of drama that surrounded the infamous show before it was even released — but who could have possibly predicted how unreasonably bad it was, *that* scene, or how much its main character would resemble Selena Gomez, the ex of Abel Tesfaye who starred in it.
Honestly, what a disgusting, delicious mess it was — and how fun was it for us all to gossip about it?
— Soaliha, News Writer
JULY 2023
BEST: Margot Robbie Understanding The Brief More Than Anyone Ever Has During The Barbie Press Tour
We knew that Australian icon Margot Robbie would be serving during the Barbie press tour, but I don’t think any of us realised the full extent she and stylist Andrew Mukamal would go to. Pulling out an archival Chanel pink two-piece (first worn by Claudia Schiffer in the 1990s)? Wearing a black Schiaparelli Haute Couture gown for the Los Angeles premiere to reference the 1960 ‘Solo in the Spotlight’ Barbie?
Even her airport looks were Barbie-coded (see: her baby pink Bottega Veneta jacket), while her red mini dress by Turkish-British designer Dilara Findikoglu for the London premiere afterparty will live rent-free in my mind forever.
— Alex, Head of Editorial.
WORST: Girl Dinner Turning Into Pro-Ana Content
Girl dinner started as not merely a harmless TikTok trend, but a somewhat feminist acknowledgement that when women don’t experience the pressure of home-making or cooking for their partners/kids, they resort to “girl dinner” — an odd collection of random foods that don’t go together but will fill you up just the same. It had a bit of a fun, loose vibe — “hey, look at what I eat when I get to only think of myself!” — but alas, we all know we cannot have nice things on the cursed clock app.
Unfortunately, it took zero time for people to start posing videos of a single pill, or one slice or orange, or a single almond, and call that “girl dinner”. Why does everything we do always get linked back to skinny/pro-ana content! Stop it! Bad kids! *sprays bottle*
— Soaliha, News Writer.
COOKED: Whatever The Fuck That Woman Saw At The Back Of That Plane
If you’ve spent more than 15 minutes on TikTok in July, you might recognise the viral phrase: “I’m telling you right now that motherfucker back there is not real”. It came from a video captured by frightened passengers on a plane who recorded a woman named Tiffany Gomas, yelling to the flight attendants about another passenger and demanding to get off the plane.
Instantly, the footage went viral, sprouting a bunch of conspiracy theories over what on earth she possibly could have seen on the plane. While people thought she may have seen aliens, reptiles or ghosts, in November she revealed on a podcast that she actually saw nothing.
“The reason why I probably haven’t come out yet is because it’s so cringe, um, I did not see anything. I mean, I think y’all knew that,” she said.
But despite her own account of the events that day, conspiracy lovers are still not convinced with many believing that she’s been cloned or ~something or someone~ is keeping her silent. Spooooooky!
— Laura, Entertainment Reporter.
AUGUST 2023
BEST: It’s A Matildas World And I Am A Matildas Girl
Picture this: It’s a chilly (but warmer than usual because of global warming) night in. The winter leaves have fallen to the ground, the aroma of a fresh-cut pitch mixed with cheap arena beer lingers in the air of a jam-packed stadium.
An ocean of gold and green covers a grandstand, and on another, it’s a mix of different colours. Perhaps it’s the colours of the Republic of Ireland? Or maybe Canada?
But it’s the green and gold that truly sticks out. The green and gold of the history-making, the remarkable, the beloved Matildas.
From July and August, the FIFA Women’s World Cup took place over Australia and New Zealand and the Matildas – Australia’s team – completely won the hearts of Australians and football fans across the world.
There were fan edits, Tillies’ scarves were sold out and alongside all the soccer madness, there was a resurgence of Nikki Webster’s “Strawberry Kisses” after it was revealed that this was the hype-up anthem for the gals.
Although the Matildas came out of the WWC without a medal – ultimately being knocked out by England in the semi-finals and then losing to Sweden in the battle for third – they achieved something that no other sports team has done: unite Australians through the passion of sport. jeff bezos
— Rebekah, Arvo/Nights Writer.
WORST: Luis Rbiales Ruined The Fucking WWC
Although the FIFA Women’s World Cup was a time of recognising and celebrating women in sports, it was unfortunately rocked by the behaviour of Spanish football boss Luis Rubiales who was responsible for that fucked kiss on Spain’s captain Jennifer ‘Jenni’ Hermoso.
After Spain secured first place in the WWC, each team member received a medal on the field. When it was time for Hermoso to receive her medal, Rubiales grabbed her and planted a kiss on her lips.
Soon after the incident happened – which aired on live TV and took place in a packed stadium – outraged folks called for the football boss to be reprimanded.
Rubiales acknowledged the incident in a video statement. In the video, the former football boss claimed his actions were out of excitement rather than malice. He also admitted the kiss was wrong.
When he initially refused to resign from his big boss position, Hermoso released a statement, claiming she didn’t approve of Rubiales’ actions at the WWC. His refusal also prompted a protest amongst the players of the Spanish football team.
Rubiales was eventually suspended by FIFA, and then banned from all football-related activities for three years.
Good. Now up that to a lifetime ban.
— Rebekah, Arvo/Nights Writer.
Cooked: Lil’ Tay & A Bachie Contestant Become Victim To Death Hoaxes
Internet meme and child rapper Lil’ Tay — real name Tay Tian — and her brother Jason Tian were believed to be dead after her official Instagram account posted a statement announcing their deaths.
A day later, Lil’ Tay issued a statement claiming that she and her brother were “safe and alive”. Speaking to TMZ, Tay pointed out that the death statement got her real name wrong and added that her IG account was “compromised by a third party”.
After Lil’ Tay confirmed that she was alive, Meta, the company that owns Instagram and Facebook, backed the rapper’s claim that her account was hacked.
In the following month of September, Lil Tay alleged her father, Chris Hope, was responsible for the morbid post. After accusing her father of the whole hoax, Lil’ Tay officially returned to the internet space with a music video.
Weeks after Lil’ Tay’s original death post, Bachelorette US contestant Josh Seiter reportedly died, which was also announced similar manner on IG.
About 24 hours later, the Instagram post was wiped from Seiter’s account and the reality TV star posted a video confirming that he was still alive. In the video, Seiter claimed that his account was also compromised and apologised to his followers for the pain and confusion the post caused.
Both Seiter and Tay have seemingly moved passed their death hoaxes as they continue to post on social media.
— Rebekah, Arvo/Nights Writer.
SEPTEMBER 2023
BEST: Sophie Turner Divorces Joe Jonas And Immediately Joins Forces With His Ex Taylor Swift
When rumours started swirling that Sophie Turner and Joe Jonas were headed for divorce, I didn’t want to believe it. They seemed like the coolest fkn celebrity couple that we had. But once the news of the divorce really did come out, so did all sorts of murky whispers about why the young parents decided to go their separate ways.
Many of the reports by media at the time seemed to slam Sophie and paint her as a party girl. Take — for example — one quote from a source with “direct knowledge” speaking to TMZ at the time: “She likes to party, he likes to stay at home. They have very different lifestyles.”
Sadly, there was plenty more where this came from too. But instead of just copping the arguably misogynistic narrative about her parenting skills, Sophie looked for solace with someone who has had experience with Mr Joe Jonas — Taylor Swift. Not only were they papped having dinner together at Joe’s favourite restaurant (!!!!!!!!) but Page Six reported that Taylor let Sophie and her two kids crash at her New York pad.
Taylor may be out of her girl-gang era, but she certainly shows up for her pals.
— Laura, Entertainment Reporter.
WORST: Drew Barrymore Crossed The Picket Line
Drew Barrymore — the one good celeb who can do no wrong — went and… did wrong.
The talkshow host broke fans’ hearts by crossing her own writers’ picket line to continue filming her daytime talkshow during the Writers Guild of America (WGA) strike.
The ill-advised move resulted in mass backlash from Barrymore which prompted her to apologise but still, the damage had been done.
When the strike finally ended, Barrymore’s co-head writers Chelsea White, Cristina Kinon and Liz Koe refused to return for the new season of The Drew Barrymore Show.
We were all rooting for you, Drew. 🙁
— Matty, Managing Editor.
COOKED: Rupert Murdoch Got Promoted And Retired At The Same Time
Rupert Murdoch has been the CEO of News Corp and Fox News for over half a century and has been described by President Joe Biden as “the most dangerous man in the world” due to the unholy amount of control his media empire has given him.
And so when he announced in September that he would be ‘retiring’ from his position as CEO at the age of 92, it was a worldwide shakeup. Think of it as like when the Queen died, except if the Queen actually had political power.
Except the cooked thing is, he didn’t really retire. In stepping down from position as Chairman of News Corp and Fox News, he simultaneously promoted himself to ‘chairman emeritus’.
So to put this into Succession terms: Logan Roy stepped down and put Kendall (LachlanMurdoch) in charge, but then promoted himself to a higher position because Kendall can’t be trusted with anything.
OCTOBER 2023
BEST: Briggs + Freudian Nips’ skit around The Voice
Indiginous rapper Briggs used his platform to debunk a heap of misinformation surrounding the Voice To Parliament in a hilarious sketch written by Jenna Owen and Vic Zerbst.
At the time, there was a lot of rhetoric about how “confusing” the vote was. The clip touched on how fkn simple it actually was to find out what the vote entailed, and why 80% of Indigenous Australians backed the ‘Yes’ vote.
While it ended up being a pretty fkn disappointing result, let’s all appreciate how wonderful this sketch was.
— Laura, Entertainment Reporter.
WORST: The 60.8% Of Australians Who Voted ‘No’
Perhaps the biggest disappointment of the year was when 60% of Aussies voted ‘No’ in the Voice To Parliament referendum.
The referendum result was called fairly quickly after votes closed, with it failing to succeed following a vicious campaign against it.
Afterwards, Australia had a bit of an awkward moment on the world stage. Countries called the result everything from “a setback” to, quite simply, “embarrassing”, saying it inflicted “lasting damage” on Australia’s people, politics and reputation. So not a good look then.
Once the ‘No’ vote passed, finger-pointing and blaming dominated the headlines. It’s not the end for Indigenous Rights in Australia of course, far from it, but it does make the road ahead far longer than it should be.
— George, News Writer.
COOKED: A Syd Cafe Charges $18 For Take Away Banana Bread Which Really Summarises The Cost Of Living Crisis, If You Ask Me
We’ve all been struggling with the cost of living crisis this year, but spare a thought for the cake-loving customers of one particular Sydney cafe. In pricing mayhem that was torn apart online, the cafe was caught selling banana bread for $18.
And the kicker? It was take away only.
Okay to be fair, one Redditor — who claimed they knew the establishment — said that the banana bread actually came out as a “mini loaf” rather than a slice. Nonetheless, it is far too much to be paying for something you aren’t even eating at the cafe.
Other foods put on blast this year were a $22 Eggs Benedict at a Melbourne cafe, and a Darwin play centre charging $63.40 for a kids meal.
At these prices, it’s going to remain instant noodles all the way for me. And if I’m feeling fancy, I might even add an egg.
— George, News Writer.
Surely $18 for takeaway banana bread is taking the piss now
byu/danroa123 insydney
NOVEMBER 2023
BEST: The Chicken Shop Date x Hot Ones Collab
It’s the collaboration we’d all been waiting for — chicken-based interviewers Amelia Dimoldenberg and Sean Evans joining forces for the collab of the century.
In case you’ve somehow missed the wonderful world of chicken-centric interviews, let me fill you in.
Amelia has an online interview series called Chicken Shop Date where she invites celebrities to a local chicken shop for a date. The hugely successful show catapulted her to having upwards of 1.6 million followers on IG.
They chat, they snack, and it’s a fun-filled dating experience for us all. Meanwhile, Sean’s show is called Hot Ones where he invites celebrities for an interview with chicken wings dabbed with hot sauce. Progressively the wings get hotter and watching the celebs squirm and/or survive honestly makes for great viewing.
He has more than 600k followers on IG, and his YouTube has a whopping 13 million followers.
Anyway, after years of begging — nay, pleading — the two poultry enthusiasts finally gave the fans what they asked for by appearing on each other’s show.
Cluck cluck to that!!!!
— Laura, Entertainment Reporter.
WORST: The Coles Christmas Water Bottle
Coles gave us no end of stories this year but one of the most shocking came to light when it announced the Christmas gift given to staff would be… a water bottle.
Yep, the same company that brought in over $1 billion in profits gave its staff, the very same staff who made those profits and who faced endless abuse, surveillance and unpaid wages, a Coles-branded water bottle.
To be fair to Coles, they also gave their staff five “mythanks points”, which is apparently $5. However, it soon came out that you can’t actually redeem it until you have $10 worth.
The gift was quickly, and accurately, called “slap in the face”. What Coles workers really want, they say, is a living wage, a safe workplace and secure employment. Is that simply too much to ask of one of Australia’s richest companies?
— George, News Reporter.
COOKED: The Jeff Bezos Vogue Cover
I cannot BELIEVE that on the same day that GQ did a gorgeous profile on Jacob Elordi (THE man of the moment), Vogue — like as in the actual Vogue — not only did a puff piece cover of Jeff Bezos on a ranch, but also appeared to enlarge his bicep in the image.
Please just sit with that for a second. We know which mag has a finger on the pulse, and which has that same finger up their ass.
— Soaliha, News Writer.
DECEMBER 2023
BEST: Jacob Elordi Trashing The Kissing Booth
It’s Jacob Elordi’s world and we’re just living it. Please see below.
2023 was definitely Elordi’s year, from his appearance in Saltburn, to his role as Elvis in Priscilla, his GQ magazine, the cum-guzzling… he’s thriving, clearly, because this year is also the year he gave zero fucks and outright said he hated filming The Kissing Booth movies. Which are, of course, objectively bad. But they catapulted him to fame, so his ire is genuinely hilarious. We love an honest king.
— Soaliha, News Writer.
WORST: Whatever The Hell Was Going On With That Zara Photoshoot
Israel’s bombing campaign against Gaza has been ongoing for nearly two months now. The death toll has increased to somewhere in the 20,000s, and the situation becomes more nightmarish by the day.
It was incredibly strange of Zara to decide this was the perfect time to release a campaign that depicted images that closely resembled — unintentionally, the brand said — the war images coming out of Gaza, complete with white dust, limbless mannequins and torn white fabric that resemble shrouds. I’ve seen a lot of PR disasters in my time (the Balenciaga drama was literally last year), but this truly has to be the worst.
— Soaliha, News Writer.
COOKED: Madelaine Brockway’s Bonkers $59 Million Wedding…And Her Husband’s Surprise Felony Charges
Thought you’d escaped freshly minted influencer Madelaine Brockway‘s $59 million ($89 million AUD) wedding for the year? Think again, my friends! The wrap-up wouldn’t be complete without the most elaborate wedding of the year.
The wedding wasn’t just cooked due to the absolutely bonkers display of excessive wealth that she posted in gorgeously curated videos on TikTok and Instagram. The real twist was when news broke that Madelaine’s husband Jacob LaGrone was facing up to 25 years in prison for a first-degree felony.
You see, in March, Jacob allegedly shot at three police officers which, according to the state of Texas, crimes against police officers are considered to be first-degree felonies. He faced a court hearing on November 30, and since then, Madelaine’s socials have been switched to private.
What a rollercoaster!!
— Laura, Entertainment Reporter.
BONUS COOKED: Landlords Doing Fucked Up Shit
As we approached the end of the year landlords decided the Christmas period was no time to stop their antics. First up was the Sydney landlord, who went through the effort of throwing a mattress in a garage and chucking up an ad, leasing the room for a cool $250 a week.
It seemed eerily similar to another rental, this one in Melbourne. For just $150 a week renters could live in a health and fire hazard with sheets on the wall, a single dangling lightbulb, an ill-fitting front door and lots of dust and debris.
But by far and away the most cooked landlord had to be Professionals Taylors Lakes, however. In a nice friendly email sent to tenants, they called the Christmas period “eviction season”, demanding tenants pay rent before even thinking of celebrating the festivities. And if they didn’t, they would have to evict them, which the company said would make them sad and ruin their Christmas.
Let’s just say that all I want for Christmas, is secure accommodation and strong renters rights.
— George, News Writer.
BONUS COOKED: Denise Richards’ Return To RHOBH
After leaving the show in a blaze of glory, Denise Richards returned to The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills with unintelligible slurs and good sweet lord, it was golden TV.
The actress had clearly had a few too many pre-drinks before attending the dinner because she was nervy about her big television return and the pres took her down hard (we’ve all been there).
Cue a clumsy and failed takedown of Erika Jayne, a biff with Dorit Kemsley over an upside jacket and weird gurgling noises.
I’d say it was the most cooked reality TV moment of the year (baring Scandoval, of course) which is really saying something!
— Matty, Managing Editor.
Woah, what a yeah, huh? Catch ya in 2024!!!!!
