Confirmed Brainlord Donald Trump Reckons Climate Change Will Just Fix Itself

President of the United States of America Donald Trump, the immense brain genius with one hand on the world’s second-biggest stockpile of nuclear weapons and the other on his penis, has weighed in on climate change in his characteristically dumb-as-shit manner in an interview with US TV show 60 Minutes.

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While increasingly damning reports of the swiftly increasing effects of climate change are painting a horrifically bleak future of what even the next 10 years of life on earth will look like, Trump is in the process of deciding whether it’s a hoax or just a thing that’s happening that will go away soon.

Trump’s previously stated position on climate change has largely been, well, this:

Although, at times, he has taken a slightly more nuanced position by specifying that the supposed hoax is being perpetrated by China:

Although you might be lead to believe that Trump is something of an expert on climate change and that his observations about the weather are gospel truths on the state of the planet, as the Associated Press points out, records from NASA and the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration show that the planet hasn’t experienced a cooler-than-average year since 1976 or a cooler-than-normal month since the end of 1985, which is probably a great sign.

When asked by host Lesley Stahl whether he still thinks it’s a hoax, Trump acknowledged that “something” is happening but played down its urgency and importance:

Trump: I think something’s happening. Something’s changing and it’ll change back again. I don’t think it’s a hoax, I think there’s probably a difference. But I don’t know that it’s manmade. I will say this. I don’t wanna give trillions and trillions of dollars. I don’t wanna lose millions and millions of jobs. I don’t wanna be put at a disadvantage.

Stahl: I wish you could go to Greenland, watch these huge chunks of ice just falling into the ocean, raising the sea levels.

Trump: And you don’t know whether or not that would have happened with or without man. You don’t know.

Stahl attempted to pin down Trump on where he was getting his facts from but, as per usual, Trump just cited “people“:

Trump: I’m not denying climate change. But it could very well go back. You know, we’re talkin’ about over millions–

Stahl: But that’s denying it.

Trump: –of years. They say that we had hurricanes that were far worse than what we just had with Michael.

Stahl: Who says that? “They say”?

Trump: People say. People say that in the–

Stahl: Yeah, but what about the scientists who say it’s worse than ever?

Trump: You’d have to show me the scientists because they have a very big political agenda, Lesley.

It’s going to be so great when we have to explain to our future kids that the planet is a lifeless ball of dirt because people elected a fuckwit from a TV show.