Here it is, folks! Taylor Swift The Anthology — AKA the two-part album The Tortured Poets Department — has been unleashed on this wide wicked world ‘cos we all need something new to soundtrack our crying sessions, right?
ICYMI: Taylor blew our minds into infinity by revealing that TTPD is a DOUBLE ALBUM featuring TWICE THE SONGS which is all too well and good (see what I did there?), but we don’t all have the time to listen to each song and dissect every lyric. The weekend awaits!
By we, I mean you lot. I, however, have all the time in the world when it comes to analysing Taylor Swift’s music like it’s a crime scene, so I’ve taken one for the team here. You’re all very welcome.
To help you appear somewhat informed when you arrive at the pub this weekend, I’ve pulled together the most pertinent deets from Taylor Swift’s new album.
Grab a notepad and pen, ya might wanna take notes!
Everything that was revealed on Taylor Swift The Anthology / The Tortured Poets Department
She sings about Emma Stone
So, it turns out the song “Florida!!!,” the bop that features Florence Welch of Florence & The Machine, is about none other than Oscar winner Emma Stone!
E! News revealed that Emma’s birth name Emily Jean Stone is even listed in the credits.
Speaking on the inspiration behind the song, Swift said: “I think I was coming up with this idea of, like, what happens when your life doesn’t fit, or your choices you’ve made catch up to you and you’re surrounded by these harsh consequences and judgment,” the singer recently told iHeart, “and circumstances did not lead you to where you thought you would be, and you just want to escape from everything you’ve ever known? Is there a place you could go?”
“I’m always watching, like, Dateline,” she continued. “People have these crimes that they commit, where they immediately skip town and go to? They go to Florida. They try to reinvent themselves, have a new identity, blend in. And I think when you go through a heartbreak, there’s a part of you that thinks, ‘I want a new name. I want a new life. I don’t want anyone to know where I’ve been or know me at all.’ And so that was the jumping off point behind where would you go to reinvent yourself and blend in? Florida.”
Bella Baxter herself. (Credit: Getty)
She called out Scooter Braun and Kanye West on “Cassandra”
Wondering who the heck Cassandra is about?
Is it an unknown member of Taylor’s infamous girl squad? Is she a code name for a romantic rival? None of the above. She is a character from Greek mythology, apparently.
Yep, turns out Cassandra is a reference to the daughter of Priam and Hecuba, who had the gift of prophecy (which, interestingly, is the title of another song on the album).
Anywho, in Greek mythology Cassandra is cursed by the god Apollo. The curse involves everyone losing faith in Cassandra’s visions and suddenly thinking her prophecies are full of shit.
“When the truth comes out, it’s quiet / So, they killed Cassandra first ’cause she feared the worst / And tried to tell the town,” read the lyrics of the song’s chorus. “So, they filled my cell with snakes, I regret to say / Do you believe me now?”
Swifties reckon this is a nod to the way Taylor’s rivals like Kanye West and Scooter Braun have tried to discredit her and make her out to be a liar in the past.
This man has been a public nuisance since 2009. (Credit: Getty)
She seemingly confirmed the rumour that she dated Formula 1 driver Fernando Alonso
After Taylor and Joe Alwyn called it quits, it was rumoured that she revved things up a notch by dating Formula 1 driver Fernando Alonso.
In her new song “imgonnagetyouback,” Taylor seemingly referenced the rumoured romance.
“Small talk, big love, act like I don’t care what you did,” Swift sings on the second verse. “I’m an Aston Martin that you steered straight into the ditch / Then ran and hid.”
Swifties reckon the Aston Martin reference is alluding to Alonso as that’s the car he drives.
She mentions Jack Antonoff and Lucy Dacus
In the title track “The Tortured Poets Department”, she mentions a Jack and a Lucy, which punters are assuming refers to producer Jack Antonoff and Lucy Dacus of boygenius.
“Sometimes I wonder if you’re gonna screw this up with me / You told Lucy you’d kill yourself if I ever leave and I had said the same to Jack about you, so I felt seen,” Swift sings.
Jack has been working with Taylor for yonks and she spent some time with boygenius during the period that she was writing TTPD, so it makes sense that they’d cop a mention!
The song is rumoured to be about one Matty Healy, who has connections to both Tay and Lucy so that would make sense.
Not gonna lie, those lyrics are rather alarming… but this is just the first of many alarming Matty-related lyrics on the album. Buckle up, mates.
She describes herself as a functioning alcoholic
Tay hints at the fact that she once had a drinking problem on the album’s opening track, “Fortnight.”
“I was supposed to be sent away / But they forgot to come and get me,” she sings.
“I was a functioning alcoholic ’til nobody noticed my new aesthetic.”
“Fortnight” is the album’s lead single and features rapper Post Malone.
Have a listen to the song below. It’s a certified BANGER:
She sings about a lover who played Grand Theft Auto
One of the many lyrical gems that’s going viral online is the following one that references the iconic game Grand Theft Auto, of all things.
On the song “So High School”, she sings: “Touch me while your bros play Grand Theft Auto”.
This is giving Travis Kelce energy… but it really could be about any of her suitors. GTA is pretty universal — even I played it once upon a time and trust me, it’s very off brand for my usual tastes.
Never thought I’d see GTA dropped in a Taylor Swift lyric, but it’s nowhere near as shocking as the mention we’re about to go into…
She name-drops Charlie Puth
In a leaked pic shared to X in the days leading up to the album’s release, fans were tipped off to the fact that Charlie Puth scores a mention on the album.
The lyric — which fans were certain was fake — praises Puth: “You smoked then ate seven bars of chocolate. We declared Charlie Puth should be a bigger artist. I scratch your head, you fall asleep like a tattooed Golden Retriever.”
Did not see that one coming!
She shared devastating details about her split from Joe Alwyn
Although fans were expecting Taylor to go IN on Joe Alywn, she actually went pretty easy on him. It sounds like he didn’t do her too dirty after all! Their relationship just sorta fizzled, as relationships often do… whether you’re the biggest celeb on the planet or you’re a normie like us.
As fans previously predicted, the song “So Long, London” appears to reference her highly publicised split from the Brit. Sometimes Taylor is hella cryptic in her lyrics, and sometimes she lays it all out there for us which, at this point, is actually refreshing. A Swiftie gets tired!
The song details the demise of their relationship and it’s a tale as old as time:
“And you say I abandoned the ship but I was going down with it / My white knuckle dying grip holding tight to your quiet resentment.
“My friends said it isn’t right to be scared every day of a love affair / Every breath feels like rarest air when you’re not sure if he wants to be there.”
RIP Taylor and Joe. We hardly knew ye.
She mostly targets Matty Healy in her lyrics
Although punters predicted that The Tortured Poets Department would primarily take aim at Joe, the bulk of it is actually about another suitor… one with tattoos, who her fans weren’t too fond of.
It is, of course, Matty Healy who cops her lyrical wrath this time around (which supports the theory that Midnights was the Joe Alwyn breakup album!).
In the song “My Boy Only Breaks His Favourite Toys”, she mentions going back to Healy after her split from Alwyn, and the fact that, just like last time, it was a shitshow.
“Oh, here we go again, the voices in his head,” she sings.
Have a listen below:
She’s unapologetic about dating Matty Healy
When Swift started dating Matty Healy in 2023, she copped quite a bit of flak from punters.
It seems like Swift isn’t sorry for the ill-fated relationship, as she refuses to feel bad on the song “But Daddy, I Love Him.”
On the song, Taylor sings:
“I’ll tell you something about my good name, it’s mine alone to disgrace / I don’t cater to all these vipers dressed in empath’s clothing.”
Behold, Taylor Swift The Anthology. (Credit: Taylor Swift / Instagram)
Elsewhere, she sings about a “wild boy” and recalls hearing people say he should “stay away from her”.
“The saboteurs protested too much,” Tay Tay sings, before sharing that “scandal does funny things to pride but brings lovers closer.”
It sounds like she truly does not give one single fuck about how she’s perceived anymore.
She drags Kim Kardashian
Ah, the feud that just won’t die!
On the song “thanK you aIMee”, Swift seemingly takes another shot at her long-time rival Kim Kardashian.
How do we know?
Well, because in the title of the song, she’s spelled out Kim’s name in caps, just like she used to do in her album booklets (remember those?).
Taylor sings in the chorus, “All that time you were throwing punches, I was buildin’ somethin’ / And I can’t forgive the way you made me feel / Screamed ‘Fuck you, Aimee’ to the night sky, as the blood was gushing / But I can’t forget the way you made me heal.”
In the second verse, she sings, “And it wasn’t a fair fight, or a clean kill / Each time that Aimee stomped across my gravе / And then she wrote hеadlines / In the local paper, laughing at each baby step I’d take.”
She then goes as far as to bring up Kim’s absolute savage of a daughter North West who I’m sure will fkn froth the fact her mum is getting roasted through song.
“I don’t think you’ve changed much / And so I changed your name, and any real defining clues.
“And one day, your kid comes home singin’ / A song that only us two is gonna know is about you.”
If you’re in a spicy mood, have a listen to the shadiest bop on the Taylor Swift Anthology here:
She seems to detest fame more than ever
While her relationship with fame has always been a tricky one, she seems to be particularly at her wits’ end now.
As a Swiftie, I’m… worried.
On “I Can Do It With a Broken Heart”, she sings: “I’m so miserable! And nobody even knows!”
Go ahead and listen to that whole song and you’ll see what I mean:
She’s madly in love with Travis Kelce (duh!)
But the silver-lining of what might be her saddest and most forlorn album to date is the fact that she seems to have finally found the man of her dreams in Travis Kelce.
It should come as no surprise that the NFL player made an appearance on the album, namely in the song “The Alchemy”.
The song features a footy reference, where she sings: “When I touch down / Call the amateurs and cut them from the team” and “He was trying to be the greatest in the league / Where’s the trophy? He just comes running over to me.”
Meanwhile on “The Boy”, she sings: “Pull my string and I’ll tell you that he runs because he loves me.”
Bless!
I’m hoping that these lil teasers will entice you to go listen to Taylor Swift The Anthology for yourself because let me tell ya, it’s a wild ride!
But if you don’t have as much time on your hands as yours truly and my fellow die-hard Swifties, I’m glad I’ve enlightened you with a few fun facts. This is an important moment in pop culture history and it’s our goddamn DUTY to be informed.
Now feel free to go rattle all these deets off at the pub and make it sound like ya know a thing or two about Taylor Swift lore!
The Tortured Poets Department is out now on Apple Music and Spotify!
Matty Galea is the Managing Editor of PEDESTRIAN.TV, as well as our resident astrologer. His first book How To Spot The (Star) Signs is out now! You can find him on Instagram, Twitter and TikTok.
