Joe Alwyn Is ‘Distraught & Slighted’ That Taylor Swift Is Dating Matty Healy & So Are We, Doll

It’s only May and we’ve already copped the most devastating thing that’ll probs happen to us all year — the breakup of Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn.

The latest edition of the saga has seen Tay walking hand-in-hand with ultimate ratbag and lead singer of The 1975, R̶a̶t̶t̶y̶ Matty Healy. No, none of us had this on our bingo card for 2023.

While it’s been widely hypothesised if the new relo is legit (I am firmly in the #TeamPRRelationship camp), it seems that Taylor has achieved probably her number one goal of the new relationship — to piss off your ex.

A ~mysterious~ source has told The Daily Mail that Joe Alwyn feels “distraught and slighted” by her shacking up with Healy.

According to the source, Joe is pissed that Taylor moved on from their six-year relationship so quickly. He’s also apparently a bit miffed that he put his “trust in her” when she told him that she and Healy were just friends.

Sure, Jan.

“Joe feels slighted and is distraught after seeing her budding relationship with Matt, but is doing his best to keep busy and focus on himself,” the source said.

The budding relationship in question refers to last year, when Healy and Swift were spotted working together. Healy also previously confirmed in November 2022 that the two have music together that “never came out”.

Last year, it was hypothesised that Healy and aSwift were potentially collaborating amidst the release of their two most recent albums, Midnights and Being Funny in a Foreign Language, both of which were produced by their friend Jack Antonoff.

According to the DeuxMoi podcast, Antonoff was the one to get the two together. He was also spotted during the two’s iconic hand-holding date moment, solidifying himself as the messiest B in the biz (never forget the Lorde/Antonoff/Lena Dunham rumours). I can just tell that he loves drama

While you can often take whatever tabloids say with a grain of salt, it seems like Alwyn being distraught over the relationship might actually have some legs, with notable celeb gossip, DeuxMoi, adding some credibility behind long-held marriage rumours.

In the May 18 episode of the podcast, Deux said that a submission claimed they had seen Taylor’s alleged engagement ring, with Deux saying Joe and Taylor were “engaged” and that Taylor would refer to him as her “husband”, adding fuel to the fire that the two were actually secretly engaged, and perhaps secretly married.

A secret wedding? SCANDALOUS.

It’s therefore pretty understandable that someone would be distraught seeing their ex-fiancé galavanting around with the human-sized rat from Flushed Away.

But when it comes to the Matty/Taylor relo, she’s a lot more sceptical.

“I’m calling it right now, she’s going to break up with him and she’s going to break his heart,” DeuxMoi said. “She’s going to have her fun and then it will be over.”

But others (myself included) believe the whole relationship to be an elaborate play to promote unreleased music between Healy and Swift, especially given the two were subject to dating rumours back in 2016, around the same time that Swift released 1989.

Now, I’m not saying that this is all an elaborate ruse to 1) get back at your ex for unceremoniously dumping you, then leaking the dumping to all the tabloids, and 2) to promote the inevitable release of 1989 (Taylor’s Version) as well as new unreleased singles, but I’m also not NOT saying that.

Me explaining why Matty Healy and Taylor Swift are actually in a PR relationship, in staunch denial of the sick fuck that is reality.

Either way, sis is on a mission to prove that she’s winning the break-up — and whether it’s a fling or an elaborate scheme to promote new music — I’ve gotta take my hat off to her.