ScoMo Says He ‘Stepped Down’ As PM, Seemingly Forgets The Whole ‘Massive Election Loss’ Thing

Scott Morrison has shown his superhuman ability to bend the truth in a speech delivered on Sunday at Encounter City Church in Perth by saying he “stepped down” from the role of PM.

And no, of course he didn’t say this in parliament. Why would he commit to a job that he’s only being paid upwards of $200K a year in? This is Scott Morrison we’re talking about. Working in his job is just “not his job.”

In footage provided by Guardian Australia, Morrison reflected on the time he accidentally become prime minister, and casually implied that it was his choice to resign from the role.

Which maybe slightly glosses over the whole “being booted out by public vote in one of the most devastating elections in Liberal history” bit. But hey, Scott’s not one for semantics!

Potentially the language of “when I stepped down” could actually be a form of tongues – a practise common in Pentecostal churches where individuals impacted by the Holy Spirit are granted the ability to speak unknown dialects.

Maybe in tongues his words actually translate to: “when I got called out for being one of history’s most useless leaders who caused more problems than I ever solved, needed my wife’s perspective on if sexual assault was bad, required a literal empathy coach, ignored serious accusations against my colleagues, unconstitutionally made myself head of five cabinet ministries, lied about being on holiday when the country was on fire, and lost my job in a national popularity contest, THEN I stopped being prime minister.” … But probably not.

In his sermon Morrison also warned of the dangers of the hostile world. And maybe you’re thinking, “oh wow, he warned about the hostile environment caused by climate change, right?” But no, he meant hostile because of how some folk didn’t like him because of his faith. Sure mate, that’s why they didn’t like you. Definitely wasn’t the whole ‘forcing handshakes from people‘ thing.

Morrison has recently announced that he will be releasing a memoir on his time leading (generous use of the word) the nation, and how his Pentecostal Christian faith influenced him in this time.

And to those of you wondering if it will have anything included in it about how, just as Christ teaches in the story of The Good Samaritan that you should take care of all people no matter who they are, Morrison followed that teaching by launching a culture war against vulnerable trans-kids to try and win an election: don’t get your hopes up.

The book is to be titled Plans for Your Good – A Prime Minister’s Testimony of God’s Faithfulness and is will be available for purchase as the perfect joke gift to someone you hate in May next year. I’ll be listening to the actual best piece of art Morrison produced: The Chaser’s ‘Coal Makes Me Cum‘ remix.