Folks are speculating that Thomas Malucelli from The Bachelors has sparked up a romance with one of the lasses who starred on the show. This in and of itself is not that interesting, but what if I told you that woman was vying for Jed McIntosh‘s heart? Does that add a bit of shit to the stew? I thought so.
If you need to assume your best happy yoga pose and adjust your yoni eggs upon hearing this news, that’s fine. Take your time. Deep breaths.
All good? Lovely. Well, as we all know by now, it was revealed that Thomas and Leah Cummings were donezo literally minutes after the finale of The Bachelors aired. Credit where credit’s due, Channel 10 was not there to fuck spiders.
Now according to Daily Mail Australia, Thomas has been linked to Bella Johnston, who avid fans of The Bachelors might remember as the queen who announced in episode two that her three favourite things in the world are “champagne, dick and oysters”. J’adore her.
Bella posted a piccie of Thomas to her Instagram Story on Sunday with the caption: “Italian baby” accompanied by a flaming heart emoji.
As someone who had the displeasure of watching every single episode of The Bachelors (which TBF wasn’t actually heaps ‘cos the entire series went for, like, four days) I am bamboozled, nay flummoxed, by this revelation.
Yes, it was just an Instagram Story and realistically doesn’t mean anything. If I was involved with every bloke who appeared on my Insta Story I’d be charged with bigamy like that Perth chap.
But when I found out the girl was Bella I went full Michael confused about George Michael wanting to propose to Ann Hog in Arrested Development:
Like, Bella’s blind date with Jed was copping matching tattoos while Thomas was out there getting hugs from producers after he started bawling post-life story/Venetian gondola blind date with Leah.
Thomas literally planned a group date on some hillside in the Gold Coast where everyone had to stare into each other’s eyes for hours because … I can’t even remember why. Something to do with energies and meditation and tantric sex and hemp milk turmeric lattes, no doubt.
The iconic Bella, on the other hand, asked Jed on a group date whether he stands or sits when he wipes his ass. Absolutely my kind of date conversation, by the by.
But they just seem different, no? That’s all I’m saying. I’m a ‘yuge fan of Bella and Thomas was arguably the most emotionally mature of the three Bachelors and I actually didn’t mind him (putting the whole pyramid scheme situation aside) but together? I’m confused about what they talk about.
If they are indeed a thing, I wish them nothing but a lifetime of kombucha (for Thomas), dick and oysters.
