A group chat between the girlies competing for our bland Bachelors’ hearts has leaked and, unsurprisingly, it’s mean as shit. Who’d have thunk it!

I say “unsurprisingly” ‘cos anyone who’s been keeping up with the sheer chaos that is The Bachelors would know Tash Candyce has been moonlighting as Regina George from Mean Girls (the moment she ousted Jess Navin for being polyamorous is still seared in my brain), wth literal henchmen Marjorie Griffith and CJ in tow.

Major #tea about these ludicrous lasses was poured in episode five but I will refrain from spilling it lest I get dozens of angry emails accusing me of spoiling the show. If you don’t give a rat’s ass, you can educate yourself by giving our recap a squiz.

But alas, I digress. Back to the leaked WhatsApp group chat, which involves Tash and Marjorie getting shitty with Jasmine Absolom — the poor girl who had her privacy violated when Tash randomly told the other contestants about her OnlyFans account.

Yahoo! Lifestyle obtained the screenshots and hooly dooly are they something. I don’t know what exactly, but they’re fucked.

“When did I laugh you fucking idiot,” Tash said to Jasmine in one message.

“I’m sorry you’re not relevant and didn’t make The Daily Mail like I did … your [sic] the only one who keeps going on about The Daily Mail why don’t you reach out to them and ask for a shout out for your OnlyFans.

“I never even laughed about that thing so get your facts straight honey.

“I was just shocked that he didn’t tell me when we have a right to know, but of course you would know how production work [sic].”

Look, I have no idea what Tash is harping on about but I’m screaming at the implication that being featured in The Daily Mail is some sort of flex. Truly a claim for the ages.

Also, congratulations to Tash for once again managing to shame Jasmine for her OnlyFans by suggesting The Daily Mail gives it a “shout out”. My sister in Christ, shut the fuck up! Stop talking!

In another text exchange, Marjorie piped up with literally the most obscure insult I have ever heard in my entire life.

“Don’t know who ya calling a muppet sweet heart [sic] you look like a squashed toilet roll,” she said.

A SQUASHED TOILET ROLL. Squashed. Toilet. Roll. It’s obviously so rude and nasty but … her mind. I will be storing that deep in the archives for when I need to drag Peter DuttonGeorge Pell et cetera.

Tash replied to Marjorie’s drag with a big ol’ haha and then said: “Jasmine you’re so weird! Please stop talking to me. I’m sorry The Daily Mail don’t [sic] find you interesting or any of the guys on the show.”

Again, I don’t know why everyone seems to be fighting about The Daily Mail. Blink twice if you have brain worms and need to be saved.

Ella Thiele (the queen who hightailed it out of the mansion in episode two after watching root rat Felix Von Hofe and Tilly Skok openly pash) intervened so that Tash and Marjorie would STFU.

“Perhaps we should move on from this conversation, there’s obviously differing opinions and it might be better to agree to disagree?” she wrote.

Marjorie responded by saying, “Agreed this ain’t worth my time arguing with a worm like her,” and it simply must be said that the woman is bold considering she uttered, like, four words in total on The Bachelors. I literally don’t think I even saw her face until she decided to become one of Tash’s blonde henchmen in episode two.

Anyway, noted sweetie Jasmine said: “Ella you’re beautiful, couldn’t agree more. This nasty girl shit is just gross.”

And she’s right! Tash and Marjorie need to calm the fuck down and everyone must stop arguing about The Daily Mail! In the iconic words of one Kath Day-Knight, give it a bone, ploise, you’re adding to my stress levels!

Image: The Bachelors / Channel 10