Oh my fucking God I do not even know where to start with what we just witnessed on The Bachelors because it was so monumentally fucked. The internet is shaking and I started crying at one point during the episode because it was so horrid to watch.

I have literally re-written this story four different times because *so* much kept happening and I didn’t know which lane to stay in. Alas, we will break down the big moments in chronological order.

The episode literally opened with some sort of fight involving TashJessKrystal and Jas at a rose ceremony, and then we suddenly backtracked 24 hours earlier.

Twitter immediately realised the producers of The Bachelors are not here to fuck spiders. They’re taking the bull by the bloody horns.

Basically, literal bully Tash learns that wholesome, sweet Jess (who was given a rose by Felix) has a boyfriend and is in a consensual open relationship. She thinks that Anko Machine Gun Kelly needs to know this because he’s allegedly the root rat’s “best friend”.

Unfortunately, the internet realises at this point that none of them have ever heard of polyamory and the way it’ll be discussed will be fucking abysmal.

Anko MGK tells Felix about Jess because #mates and then Tash re-enters the chat because #apparentlythisinvolvesher.

She pulls the “I’D WANT TO KNOW!!!” and “JESS ACTUALLY WANTS TO TELL YOU!!!” cards which pisses Twitter off to no end.

Felix has the fucking audacity to declare he doesn’t want an open relationship when he is quite literally dating 10 girls at the same time on national television.

It was only yesterday that he was macking Tilly and Naomi in front of the other women he’d given roses to and saying how nice it was to date heaps of “hot girls” concurrently.

Obviously, the internet was fuming at the hypocrisy of one man being allowed to date 10 girls at once, while all hell breaks loose when a woman is in an open relationship.

Felix then says he never considered that Tash would have a boyfriend and be in an open relationship because she’s so “sweet and innocent”, which also made Twitter gag. Screaming, crying and throwing up in the worst way possible.

Noted queen of The Bachelors Krystal goes to confront Tash for sharing deeply personal information about another woman when it didn’t concern her at all, which the internet applauded. As they should.

Lots of other things happened at Dreamworld or some shit so, to do a The Bachelors special, let’s fast forward to the end of the episode when the chaotic rose ceremony takes place.

ICYMI, The Bachelors‘ rose ceremonies these days are more of a Survivor-esque tribal council situation, whereby Osher lets the women go ham and just air all of their grievances about each other.

Obviously, Tash gets all catty and mean and this time, it’s absolute icon Jas who sticks up for Jess. She was also serving some truly iconic facial expressions which were on par with Erin’s in Derry Girls.

Twitter loved it, queen shit, et cetera.

Then when we all thought that Tash was done being a bully, while Jas is talking to Jed about how she’s actually evil, Tash randomly drops to a room full of women that Jas has an OnlyFans.

The internet agreed it was fucking vile and questioned why, after what Olivia did to Dom on Married At First Sight last year, women still think it’s OK to shame other women for sex work? Why is the same misogynistic storyline being regurgitated on The Bachelors?

Also, I know this story isn’t about me in the slightest, but it was at this point in the episode that I started crying because it was genuinely so distressing to watch Jas’ privacy be violated at the enjoyment of another woman.

IDK about you but I feel nauseous and disgusted by what I just watched so I’m going to go and lie down.

If you’d like a detailed recap of the horror we just witnessed on The Bachelors, you can squiz our recap here.

Image: The Bachelors / Channel 10