It’s episode five of The Bachelors and the good people of Twitter are tired. They’re stuffed. Stick a fork in them all, they’re done.
I am not being facetious: folks have literally been sharing how annoyed they are about having to tune in to the absurdity that is The Bachelors.
god… again… alright here we go #TheBachelorsAU
— unsolicited aries opinions (@katiebitching) January 16, 2023
Hi, back again for this bs. It feels like Stockholm syndrome #TheBachelorsAU
— Steph the sarcastic sequin (@Steph_Simmons89) January 16, 2023
#TheBachelorsAU pic.twitter.com/iw0tWCVHTh
— taryn | inej ghafa worshipper (@thereafter) January 16, 2023
Now, as you may have realised based on the headline, Felix was a core player in tonight’s episode. Never has a man been more of a “pick me” but, alas, it’s what we’re working with.
Before we get stuck into his hijinks, however, a few things happened on the show that we must cop a squiz at for it’s only fair. If nothing I am a benevolent curator of Twitter reactions.
Firstly, people noticed that Courtney was reading a book upside down. ‘Nuff said. As she should, I say.
ten seconds in and one of the girls is reading a book upside down 💀💀 #TheBachelorsAU
— Caitlyn (@CaitlynVernem) January 16, 2023
Wait go back a step…was she just reading the book upside down as the other was coming down the stairs? #TheBachelorsAU
— Jen Arnold (@arnies89) January 16, 2023
Adore this from Courtney. #TheBachelorsAU pic.twitter.com/34OPS7hby7
— Bachelor of Hearts Podcast 🌹 (@BOHpod) January 16, 2023
We then saw Osher gagging Thomas and Jed with the news that Tash, Marjorie and CJ had hightailed it out of the mansion “in protest” after last night’s rose ceremony fuckery.
Tash, seemingly under the impression she was actually cast on Real Housewives of the Gold Coast, exited the villa with so much drama and gusto that folks couldn’t help but scream.
https://twitter.com/babie_goblin/status/1614904150336360449?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1614904150336360449%7Ctwgr%5Ec9d89512919f018856fb93a620f0b92db5a059fd%7Ctwcon%5Es1_&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pedestrian.tv%2Fwp-admin%2Fpost-new.php
The way she bounced that suitcase down the stairs
#TheBachelorsAU— Michelle 🐿💨 (@MichelleMackey1) January 16, 2023
That’s the most dramatic ‘lugging suitcases down the stairs’ we’ve ever seen… #TheBachelorsAU
— Beck (not the musician, the other one) (@Beckecek) January 16, 2023
The yogi master and Anko MGK were shook but Twitter was loving it! Be gone! Farewell! Sayonara, sweethearts!
LMFAO ALL THREE OF THEM LEFT? HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA #TheBachelorsAU
— taryn | inej ghafa worshipper (@thereafter) January 16, 2023
THE WICKED THREE THANK GOD I LOVE THIS SHOW #TheBachelorsAU
— janeey (@janeey33013561) January 16, 2023
https://twitter.com/woozylucie/status/1614904499579277313
“Trash took itself out”- couldn’t have said it better myself! #TheBachelorsAU
— Monty (@Monty95056035) January 16, 2023
“All chose to leave the mansion…in protest”
Taking the moral high ground on show where *checks notes* one man picks from a pool of women. #thebachelorsau
— Ira Snave (@IraSnave) January 16, 2023
Osher told the blokes the mood in the mansion was surely going to change following the mass walkout and, in what can only be described as a perfect example of comedic timing, the scene cut to the remaining girls going balls to the wall celebrating.
I’m talking making pancakes, dancing, baking, laughing — the whole kit and caboodle. The internet agreed it was truly stunning, nay iconic, to witness.
that smash cut from Osher solemnly saying that the energy in the mansion will change to all the women laughing and baking and celebrating is god-tier level reality TV editing. 10/10 no notes. #TheBachelorsAU
— Jodi McAlister (@JodiMcA) January 16, 2023
i’m living for the girls celebrating rn 😂😂😂😂 #TheBachelorsAU
— sophie (@thisisophtrying) January 16, 2023
Osher: It definitely will have changed the mood at the mansion.
*smash cuts to the mansion* #TheBachelorsAU pic.twitter.com/oupt4wzsfy— Laura 💜💏 (@Jandy4Forever) January 16, 2023
PLSS THE GIRLS CELEBRATING HAHAH #TheBachelorsAU
— #newshot ◡̈ (@woozylucie) January 16, 2023
the cut to the mansion was an amazing editing choice #TheBachelorsAU
— Caitlyn (@CaitlynVernem) January 16, 2023
Party over! Time for root rat Felix to enter the chat.
He went on a date with the extremely normal and well-adjusted Jess. They played basketball because apparently the producers of The Bachelors have completely blown their budget on … I don’t know what. I literally cannot remember five memorable moments of this show except for the educational rubber vagina, which Channel 10 didn’t even buy ‘cos a contestant did a BYO on it.
Folks were longing for the good old days of mud baths on The Bachelor.
https://twitter.com/JackParwata/status/1614907442957258752
Anyway, the date was giving High School Musical and Felix did the little “We’re All In This Together” dance à la Troy Bolton and unfortunately, it was quite cute. People were furious that they found it sexy.
NO, DON’T MAKE ME LIKE YOU FOR DOING THE STUPID HSM DANCE
I HATE YOU FELIX #TheBachelorsAU
— taryn | inej ghafa worshipper (@thereafter) January 16, 2023
https://twitter.com/JackParwata/status/1614905795459813377
Blah blah blah the date ended and Felix and Jess went back to the scene of the pool party for tea, which is the perfect post-basketball treat.
However, it was not, because Felix revealed he has never put a teabag in a cup of boiling water before.
That’s right, folks, a grown-ass man has NEVER MADE A CUP OF TEA IN HIS LIFE. And people were understandably shook.
Does he not have parents? Grandparents? Siblings? It’s clear the man has never experienced the thrill that is working in an office and saying, “Anyone want a tea?” so that you can make a cuppa and bitch about Brian from accounts.
It was quite literally the opposite of a bit ov tea innit, luv. Folks were livid. It was disgoostangh.
Felix making tea #TheBachelorsAU pic.twitter.com/5Ly6XNhME0
— Liana (@LianaKyriak) January 16, 2023
https://twitter.com/JackParwata/status/1614914893328842756
How doesn’t he know how to make tea is he joking #TheBachelorsAU
— Cara (@CLGreality9) January 16, 2023
Not Felix making me hate tea. #thebachelorsau
— Ira Snave (@IraSnave) January 16, 2023
Still trying to get my head around a grown man not being capable of making a cup of tea.#TheBachelorsAU
— Anouska (@AnouskaHaaket) January 16, 2023
The tea scene was extremely difficult to watch, thanks for asking #TheBachelorsAU
— Sass 🕰 (@supergirl_sass) January 16, 2023
I can guarantee this man has googled how to buy crypto from a Dex with pokemon cards but he still doesn’t know how to make a cup of tea. #TheBachelorsAU pic.twitter.com/VlfoXSoNw9
— The Bitchelorette (@BitcheloretteAU) January 16, 2023
The moment also brought people back to the time when whatshisname bunged entire avocados in the blender on The Bachelorette. The minds of men will never fail to baffle me.
This is the worst effort I’ve seen in the kitchen since Ivan blended an avocado whole on The Bachelorette #TheBachelorsAU
— Michelle 🐿💨 (@MichelleMackey1) January 16, 2023
Reminds me of that dancing jerk who put a whole unpeeled avocado in a blender.#TheBachelorsAU
— robair.5×💉 (@robair20) January 16, 2023
Felix’s shenanigans kept on coming when, on the group date, Naomi asked him to share a secret. Something juicy, the one thing no one knows about him et cetera.
Instead of, like, explaining that he has won awards for making the best paella in the world (I don’t KNOW, ok?) he revealed that he goes hog wild for DINOSAURS. Barney the big purple oaf and the internet have been found shaking.
https://twitter.com/JackParwata/status/1614917854947864583
I Iove Dinosaurs #TheBachelorsAU pic.twitter.com/4mkLsswTDi
— CassiYaYa 🖤💛❤️ (@cassiashirlie) January 16, 2023
https://twitter.com/GrewalAnna/status/1614917682104795136
TELL HER SHE’S A CLEVER GIRL! #TheBachelorsAU pic.twitter.com/1kBYjacapL
— The Bitchelorette (@BitcheloretteAU) January 16, 2023
damn okay #TheBachelorsAU pic.twitter.com/6l2YfDOIS8
— unsolicited aries opinions (@katiebitching) January 16, 2023
https://twitter.com/JackParwata/status/1614918032383672321
https://twitter.com/Sim_oneL/status/1614918307139948544
He then started frolicking in the ocean with Krystal in shoes, the absolute mad man. Folks could not believe it, but they were bloody happy to see Felix stack it mid-frolic. The comeuppance he deserves, methinks.
currently shipping Felix and the sea, preferably after having been yeeted into it by Krystal #TheBachelorsAU
— Jodi McAlister (@JodiMcA) January 16, 2023
https://twitter.com/GrewalAnna/status/1614918852378492930
Same vibe but in the ocean. #TheBachelorsAU pic.twitter.com/7gaDyEHaUS
— Claire Connelly (@_ClaireConnelly) January 16, 2023
https://twitter.com/JackParwata/status/1614919283234181120
NO WAY DID HE JUST FALL IN HOW IS SHE NOT ICKED OUT #TheBachelorsAU
— janeey (@janeey33013561) January 16, 2023
LMFAOOOOO FELIX TRIPPING IS KARMA FOR BEING GROSS #TheBachelorsAU
— taryn | inej ghafa worshipper (@thereafter) January 16, 2023
That’s it! Bye! I’m legging it into the ocean to forget the sheer madness we just witnessed from Felix!
If you want to cop a load of the full rundown of The Bachelors, you can read our recap here.
