It’s episode five of The Bachelors and the good people of Twitter are tired. They’re stuffed. Stick a fork in them all, they’re done.
I am not being facetious: folks have literally been sharing how annoyed they are about having to tune in to the absurdity that is The Bachelors.
god… again… alright here we go #TheBachelorsAU— unsolicited bachie opinions (@katiebitching) January 16, 2023
Hi, back again for this bs. It feels like Stockholm syndrome #TheBachelorsAU— Steph the sarcastic sequin (@Steph_Simmons89) January 16, 2023
Now, as you may have realised based on the headline, Felix was a core player in tonight’s episode. Never has a man been more of a “pick me” but, alas, it’s what we’re working with.
Before we get stuck into his hijinks, however, a few things happened on the show that we must cop a squiz at for it’s only fair. If nothing I am a benevolent curator of Twitter reactions.
Firstly, people noticed that Courtney was reading a book upside down. ‘Nuff said. As she should, I say.
ten seconds in and one of the girls is reading a book upside down 💀💀 #TheBachelorsAU— Caitlyn (@CaitlynVernem) January 16, 2023
Wait go back a step…was she just reading the book upside down as the other was coming down the stairs? #TheBachelorsAU— Jen Arnold (@arnies89) January 16, 2023
We then saw Osher gagging Thomas and Jed with the news that Tash, Marjorie and CJ had hightailed it out of the mansion “in protest” after last night’s rose ceremony fuckery.
Tash, seemingly under the impression she was actually cast on Real Housewives of the Gold Coast, exited the villa with so much drama and gusto that folks couldn’t help but scream.
Love a dramatic wheelie bag down the stairs #TheBachelorsAU— goblin (@babie_goblin) January 16, 2023
The way she bounced that suitcase down the stairs— Michelle 🐿💨💉x3 (@MichelleMackey1) January 16, 2023
That's the most dramatic 'lugging suitcases down the stairs' we've ever seen… #TheBachelorsAU— Beck (not the musician, the other one) (@Beckecek) January 16, 2023
The yogi master and Anko MGK were shook but Twitter was loving it! Be gone! Farewell! Sayonara, sweethearts!
LMFAO ALL THREE OF THEM LEFT? HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA #TheBachelorsAU— taryn | wanda maximoff apologist 🐝 (@thereafter) January 16, 2023
THE WICKED THREE THANK GOD I LOVE THIS SHOW #TheBachelorsAU— janeey (@janeey33013561) January 16, 2023
This is a blessing ❤️ #TheBachelorsAU— #newshot ◡̈ (@woozylucie) January 16, 2023
"Trash took itself out"- couldn't have said it better myself! #TheBachelorsAU— Monty (@Monty95056035) January 16, 2023
“All chose to leave the mansion…in protest”— Ira Snave (@IraSnave) January 16, 2023
Taking the moral high ground on show where *checks notes* one man picks from a pool of women. #thebachelorsau
Osher told the blokes the mood in the mansion was surely going to change following the mass walkout and, in what can only be described as a perfect example of comedic timing, the scene cut to the remaining girls going balls to the wall celebrating.
I’m talking making pancakes, dancing, baking, laughing — the whole kit and caboodle. The internet agreed it was truly stunning, nay iconic, to witness.
that smash cut from Osher solemnly saying that the energy in the mansion will change to all the women laughing and baking and celebrating is god-tier level reality TV editing. 10/10 no notes. #TheBachelorsAU
— Jodi McAlister (@JodiMcA) January 16, 2023
i’m living for the girls celebrating rn 😂😂😂😂 #TheBachelorsAU— sophie 46 (@thisisophtrying) January 16, 2023
PLSS THE GIRLS CELEBRATING HAHAH #TheBachelorsAU— #newshot ◡̈ (@woozylucie) January 16, 2023
the cut to the mansion was an amazing editing choice #TheBachelorsAU— Caitlyn (@CaitlynVernem) January 16, 2023
Party over! Time for root rat Felix to enter the chat.
He went on a date with the extremely normal and well-adjusted Jess. They played basketball because apparently the producers of The Bachelors have completely blown their budget on … I don’t know what. I literally cannot remember five memorable moments of this show except for the educational rubber vagina, which Channel 10 didn’t even buy ‘cos a contestant did a BYO on it.
Folks were longing for the good old days of mud baths on The Bachelor.
Anyway, the date was giving High School Musical and Felix did the little “We’re All In This Together” dance à la Troy Bolton and unfortunately, it was quite cute. People were furious that they found it sexy.
NO, DON'T MAKE ME LIKE YOU FOR DOING THE STUPID HSM DANCE— taryn | wanda maximoff apologist 🐝 (@thereafter) January 16, 2023
I HATE YOU FELIX #TheBachelorsAU
Felix knowing the dance to High School Musical is the hottest thing he has done #TheBachelorsAU— Jack Parwata (@JackParwata) January 16, 2023
Blah blah blah the date ended and Felix and Jess went back to the scene of the pool party for tea, which is the perfect post-basketball treat.
However, it was not, because Felix revealed he has never put a teabag in a cup of boiling water before.
That’s right, folks, a grown-ass man has NEVER MADE A CUP OF TEA IN HIS LIFE. And people were understandably shook.
Does he not have parents? Grandparents? Siblings? It’s clear the man has never experienced the thrill that is working in an office and saying, “Anyone want a tea?” so that you can make a cuppa and bitch about Brian from accounts.
It was quite literally the opposite of a bit ov tea innit, luv. Folks were livid. It was disgoostangh.
How doesn’t he know how to make tea is he joking #TheBachelorsAU— Cara (@CLGreality9) January 16, 2023
Not Felix making me hate tea. #thebachelorsau— Ira Snave (@IraSnave) January 16, 2023
Still trying to get my head around a grown man not being capable of making a cup of tea.#TheBachelorsAU— Anouska (@AnouskaHaaket) January 16, 2023
The tea scene was extremely difficult to watch, thanks for asking #TheBachelorsAU
— Sass 🕰 (@supergirl_sass) January 16, 2023
The moment also brought people back to the time when whatshisname bunged entire avocados in the blender on The Bachelorette. The minds of men will never fail to baffle me.
This is the worst effort I’ve seen in the kitchen since Ivan blended an avocado whole on The Bachelorette #TheBachelorsAU— Michelle 🐿💨💉x3 (@MichelleMackey1) January 16, 2023
Reminds me of that dancing jerk who put a whole unpeeled avocado in a blender.#TheBachelorsAU— robair. (@robair20) January 16, 2023
Felix’s shenanigans kept on coming when, on the group date, Naomi asked him to share a secret. Something juicy, the one thing no one knows about him et cetera.
Instead of, like, explaining that he has won awards for making the best paella in the world (I don’t KNOW, ok?) he revealed that he goes hog wild for DINOSAURS. Barney the big purple oaf and the internet have been found shaking.
Tell me one thing not many people know about you— Anna Grewal (@GrewalAnna) January 16, 2023
Felix: "I love dinosaurs"
Hahahaha I'm ded. This is your big secret?
Mate we ALL love dinosaurs. They're bloody dinosaurs#thebachelorsAU
The realisation that Felix is the real-life embodiment of Ross from Friends suddenly explains the cringe factor #TheBachelorsAU— Simone (@Sim_oneL) January 16, 2023
He then started frolicking in the ocean with Krystal in shoes, the absolute mad man. Folks could not believe it, but they were bloody happy to see Felix stack it mid-frolic. The comeuppance he deserves, methinks.
currently shipping Felix and the sea, preferably after having been yeeted into it by Krystal #TheBachelorsAU
— Jodi McAlister (@JodiMcA) January 16, 2023
He's just run in to the beach water with his shoes on.— Anna Grewal (@GrewalAnna) January 16, 2023
He's not smart #TheBachelorsAU
— Claire Connelly (@_ClaireConnelly) January 16, 2023
NO WAY DID HE JUST FALL IN HOW IS SHE NOT ICKED OUT #TheBachelorsAU— janeey (@janeey33013561) January 16, 2023
LMFAOOOOO FELIX TRIPPING IS KARMA FOR BEING GROSS #TheBachelorsAU— taryn | wanda maximoff apologist 🐝 (@thereafter) January 16, 2023
That’s it! Bye! I’m legging it into the ocean to forget the sheer madness we just witnessed from Felix!
If you want to cop a load of the full rundown of The Bachelors, you can read our recap here.