It’s episode five of The Bachelors and the good people of Twitter are tired. They’re stuffed. Stick a fork in them all, they’re done.

I am not being facetious: folks have literally been sharing how annoyed they are about having to tune in to the absurdity that is The Bachelors.

Now, as you may have realised based on the headline, Felix was a core player in tonight’s episode. Never has a man been more of a “pick me” but, alas, it’s what we’re working with.

Before we get stuck into his hijinks, however, a few things happened on the show that we must cop a squiz at for it’s only fair. If nothing I am a benevolent curator of Twitter reactions.

Firstly, people noticed that Courtney was reading a book upside down. ‘Nuff said. As she should, I say.

We then saw Osher gagging Thomas and Jed with the news that TashMarjorie and CJ had hightailed it out of the mansion “in protest” after last night’s rose ceremony fuckery.

Tash, seemingly under the impression she was actually cast on Real Housewives of the Gold Coast, exited the villa with so much drama and gusto that folks couldn’t help but scream.

The yogi master and Anko MGK were shook but Twitter was loving it! Be gone! Farewell! Sayonara, sweethearts!

Osher told the blokes the mood in the mansion was surely going to change following the mass walkout and, in what can only be described as a perfect example of comedic timing, the scene cut to the remaining girls going balls to the wall celebrating.

I’m talking making pancakes, dancing, baking, laughing — the whole kit and caboodle. The internet agreed it was truly stunning, nay iconic, to witness.

Party over! Time for root rat Felix to enter the chat.

He went on a date with the extremely normal and well-adjusted Jess. They played basketball because apparently the producers of The Bachelors have completely blown their budget on … I don’t know what. I literally cannot remember five memorable moments of this show except for the educational rubber vagina, which Channel 10 didn’t even buy ‘cos a contestant did a BYO on it.

Folks were longing for the good old days of mud baths on The Bachelor.

Anyway, the date was giving High School Musical and Felix did the little “We’re All In This Together” dance à la Troy Bolton and unfortunately, it was quite cute. People were furious that they found it sexy.

Blah blah blah the date ended and Felix and Jess went back to the scene of the pool party for tea, which is the perfect post-basketball treat.

However, it was not, because Felix revealed he has never put a teabag in a cup of boiling water before.

That’s right, folks, a grown-ass man has NEVER MADE A CUP OF TEA IN HIS LIFE. And people were understandably shook.

Does he not have parents? Grandparents? Siblings? It’s clear the man has never experienced the thrill that is working in an office and saying, “Anyone want a tea?” so that you can make a cuppa and bitch about Brian from accounts.

It was quite literally the opposite of a bit ov tea innit, luv. Folks were livid. It was disgoostangh.

The moment also brought people back to the time when whatshisname bunged entire avocados in the blender on The Bachelorette. The minds of men will never fail to baffle me.

Felix’s shenanigans kept on coming when, on the group date, Naomi asked him to share a secret. Something juicy, the one thing no one knows about him et cetera.

Instead of, like, explaining that he has won awards for making the best paella in the world (I don’t KNOW, ok?) he revealed that he goes hog wild for DINOSAURS. Barney the big purple oaf and the internet have been found shaking.

He then started frolicking in the ocean with Krystal in shoes, the absolute mad man. Folks could not believe it, but they were bloody happy to see Felix stack it mid-frolic. The comeuppance he deserves, methinks.

That’s it! Bye! I’m legging it into the ocean to forget the sheer madness we just witnessed from Felix!

If you want to cop a load of the full rundown of The Bachelors, you can read our recap here.

Image: The Bachelors / Channel 10