I could mince my words here, but I am not going to: How the fuck do you get to the age of 29 without ever cooking with an avocado, let alone without becoming aware of the fact that the skin and the pit are not the edible parts? It seems impossible. Was Ivan raised in a cave? Was this a Jungle Book or Tarzan–type scenario? Did he arrive on this planet as a stranger like Superman, but as a fully formed adult? It boggles the mind.
[jwplayer gvkTjsCy]
And yet. AND YET. The now-departed Ivan— following instructions to use two avocados in an avocado mousse with the level of critical thinking you would expect from someone that isn’t old enough to have their pen license yet — did exactly this on tonight’s episode of The Bachelorette.
Pictured: Despair. Unrelenting despair.
Speaking to TV Week, Ivan explained his actions by saying that he had “seen it on [his] toast and you know, in a breakfast meal, but [he’d] never physically cut one up [himself]“. This, frankly, raises more questions than it answers. Fucken make yourself some guacamole, my dude. Have some fucken avocado toast at home, you big weirdo. I am enraged and baffled. Rightfully, others (maybe not so enraged) shared a similar point of view on this:
HAHAHAHHA I ACTUALLY CANT, IVAN PUTTING THE ENTIRE AVO IN THE BLENDER IS THE BEST THING ON TELEVISION THIS YEAR 😂😂😂😂🥑🥑🥑🥑#BacheloretteAU
— Nikki Brown🎬 writer/producer (@vanillathkshake) October 24, 2018
Imagine the producer standing by watching Ivan trying to BLEND TWO WHOLE FUCKING AVOCADOS! #BacheloretteAU
— Edwin Smith (@edwin_smith1) October 24, 2018
I have so many questions!
1. Has he never seen an avocado before??
2. How did he get the blender to ACTUALLY BLEND THE AVO PIT??
3. When it started to smoosh the avocado, how did he not notice the pit??
4. Will Ali and Bill die from eating blended avocado pit??#BacheloretteAU— Hailey. (@HAILEY_wood) October 24, 2018
I can’t believe the best thing I’ve seen on a show about love is three adults eating whole blended avocado #BacheloretteAU
— big idiot (@del0reangray) October 24, 2018
https://twitter.com/ootibway/status/1055039865274851330
https://twitter.com/hanaphylaxis/status/1055034109423013888
Ivan, you sweet dance-loving fool, you goofed. You goofed up real hard. Was this the sole factor that led to you being booted from the show and subsequently cursed to wander the earth alone without love for the rest of your life, like a sad, involuntarily celibate Gandalf the Grey? No, it was probably a few other things. But preparing food as if you have never seen the inside of a kitchen before — let alone the inside of an avocado — probably did not paint a particularly flattering portrait of what life together with you looks like.
