‘Bachie’ Fans Are Horrified At Ivan Blending Two Avocados Whole Like A Freak

I could mince my words here, but I am not going to: How the fuck do you get to the age of 29 without ever cooking with an avocado, let alone without becoming aware of the fact that the skin and the pit are not the edible parts? It seems impossible. Was Ivan raised in a cave? Was this a Jungle Book or Tarzan–type scenario? Did he arrive on this planet as a stranger like Superman, but as a fully formed adult? It boggles the mind.

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And yet. AND YET. The now-departed Ivan— following instructions to use two avocados in an avocado mousse with the level of critical thinking you would expect from someone that isn’t old enough to have their pen license yet — did exactly this on tonight’s episode of The Bachelorette.

Pictured: Despair. Unrelenting despair.

Speaking to TV Week, Ivan explained his actions by saying that he had “seen it on [his] toast and you know, in a breakfast meal, but [he’d] never physically cut one up [himself]“. This, frankly, raises more questions than it answers. Fucken make yourself some guacamole, my dude. Have some fucken avocado toast at home, you big weirdo. I am enraged and baffled. Rightfully, others (maybe not so enraged) shared a similar point of view on this:



Ivan, you sweet dance-loving fool, you goofed. You goofed up real hard. Was this the sole factor that led to you being booted from the show and subsequently cursed to wander the earth alone without love for the rest of your life, like a sad, involuntarily celibate Gandalf the Grey? No, it was probably a few other things. But preparing food as if you have never seen the inside of a kitchen before — let alone the inside of an avocado — probably did not paint a particularly flattering portrait of what life together with you looks like.