Taylor Swift Mania Has Hit Australia. RIP To Anyone Who Isn’t A Swiftie.

Are you sick of hearing about Taylor Swift? Do you want to claw your own eyes out at another song pun jammed where it ought not to be jammed? Would hearing Midnights one more time lead to medical intervention? You might be entitled to compensation.

Taylor Swift mania has taken over Australia in new and alarming ways. Roughly 300,000 people are expected to descend on Sydney’s Accor Stadium over four nights for the Eras Tour, following more than 320,000 fans attending her record-breaking shows in Melbourne.

And yet, you would think the entire country was going to see Taylor, judging by the way we’ve lost our collective minds.

Honestly I love these outfits, seen at the Eras Tour in Melbourne. On-theme AND comfortable? Name a more iconic duo etc. Photo: Getty.

Now, let me be very clear: this couldn’t be me. I’m seeing Taylor tonight, and after spending roughly 12 hours in Ticketek’s waiting room only to miss out on tickets the first time, I am under zero illusions about how lucky I am. (Shout out to my friend Anna for buying extras.) Taylor Swift was my top Spotify artist in 2023. And 2022. And probably 2021, if my brain cells could remember back that far. I saw Taylor’s Reputation tour in 2018. I wouldn’t call myself a Swiftie, per say, but like… I know who Tree Paine is.

As my colleague Matty described it, today is Taylor Swift Christmas. And yet even I can see that Taylor mania is getting a bit embarrassing for our deeply unserious country. Government bodies are ramming Taylor Swift puns so far down our throats we should probably call the cops (although they’d just tell you to “Shake It Off”). The arrival of Taylor’s boyfriend, Kansas City tight end Travis Kelce, was covered with the fever usually reserved for the better-liked members of the royal family. One of our country’s most-read news sites has changed its banner to a friendship bracelet. A dentist with a media career in mind pitched us a story reviewing Taylor Swift’s teeth.

Weird pitch but okay!!! Photo: Getty.
Photo: NSW Police.

Like I said, deeply unserious country.

And yet, I am not innocent in this. As the editor of PEDESTRIAN.TV, I’ve assigned stories covering every aspect of Taylor Swift mania — and I’ve seen thousands upon thousands of you read them. I love these news cycles, where the entire nation is excited about one topic and that topic is positive. (Remember how nice it felt when the entire nation was united over the Matildas? It was SO MUCH FUN. Love you, Sam Kerr.) The only bad thing, imo, is that it’s going to be even harder to get a booking at Pellegrino 2000 now that Taylor’s eaten there.

However, I know this is not the case for everyone. Some of you — gasp — aren’t Taylor Swift fans. Some of you don’t like her music, and that’s okay. If I was being screamed at about something I didn’t like 24 hours a day, I would probably commit a metaphorical murder. I see you in the comment sections — both PTV’s and elsewhere — crying out, enough already.

I don’t think you’re bad people for not liking Taylor Swift. I think you’re being tested on a psychological level. All I can say is: thanks for putting up with those of us experiencing Swiftie mania. I promise it’ll die down soon. Not fully, mind you, but there might be room in public spaces to talk about literally anything else.

At least until The Tortured Poets Department comes out. Sorry in advance.

Lead photo: Taylor Swift.