Taylor-mania is well and truly afoot, my friends. Which is fun for Swifties, unbearable for me, and probably a nightmare for the poor PR people who now have to come up with the most tenuous link imaginable between their brands and Taylor Swift. And to them I say: please, I’m begging you, do less.
You see, with the hype surrounding the Eras Tour and the absolutely ludicrous press it’s getting (yes, PEDESTRIAN.TV is aware of how much we are to blame for this, and our editor is NOT sorry), it’s no surprise that every brand and their PR wants a piece of this cash cow.
I mean, why wouldn’t they?
Swifties have proven themselves to be an extremely valuable consumer base, and anything remotely related to Taylor Swift seems to be guaranteed views, press or social capital — positive, negative or otherwise. No such thing as bad press, as they say.
But, with this realisation, our inboxes have been bombarded by a flurry of pitches from PRs with some of the most ludicrous Taylor Swift tie-ins we have ever seen.
Please, take a seat and enjoy the following pitches that are 100% real and sent to various members of the PTV team, curated for your viewing pleasure.
To the PRs who sent these: I’m so sorry, but also, you’ve brought this onto yourselves.
Swiftie Dads
One PR lovingly provided us with all kinds of stats about the listening habits of dads who listen to Taylor Swift, complete with them *gasp* admitting they like listening to her with their kids!
“I am as proud a Swiftie Dad as they come. Listening to Taylor Swift with my girls has become one of the great Crisp family pastimes. There isn’t a car ride without a group Karaoke session of ‘Shake it Off’, a personal favourite of mine,” one Swiftie dad said.
“Her music is infectious, and seeing my girls light up whenever a Swift song comes on is something I’ll always cherish as a father.”
Look, I get that it’s cute, but I also do not care at all about Swiftie dads. It’s 2024! Let men enjoy her music without it needing to be studied, ya know?
The NEUROSCIENCE behind being a Swiftie (why does this make it sound like it’s some type of disease???)
A note to PRs: you do not need to link your experts to Taylor Swift for me to take them seriously!! I love experts!!! There’s no need!!
“Dr Steve Kassem from Neuroscience Research Australia is available to provide expert commentary on what happens to your brain during, and after, attending one of Taylor Swift’s The Eras Tour concerts,” this press release actually read.
Dr Kassem, I am so sorry you got dragged into all this. And I will keep you in my contact list for when I have an actually respectable use for your time. Stay strong, king.
Let’s all inspect Taylor Swift’s teeth!
An actual real-life dentist, from an actual real-life clinic, thought it would be a good idea to send us a “review” of Taylor’s teeth.
“When Taylor was younger it looks like she had a few sets of veneers to cover up some issues that she had with her teeth,” he said in full seriousness.
“Her gum line was off, one side of it was lower than the other, her two eye teeth were sitting up really high. They evened up the gum levels and gave her a more harmonious smile.”
There was more, but I didn’t want to share the full quote, honestly. You’d think in 2024 we would stop picking apart women’s appearances like this???
Tay Tay, blink twice if you’re okay kay
In a press release titled “The REAL LIFE Tay Tay!”, one PR put forward their brand’s employee Taylor, who married a guy with the last name Taylor — making her legal name Taylor Taylor.
“As Tay Tay says, it’s a Love Story and she didn’t want to Shake It Off!” the PR person (ACTUALLY) wrote, a smile plastered onto their face while their eye-twitched and a faceless boss held a gun to their head.
This has got my knickers in a Twist
And now, for the most perplexing pitch we’ve received: famed chippies brand Twisties discovered that it shares letters with the word “Swifties”, and so it wrote the word “Twifties” in the sky. I’m assuming it’s not aware of all the private jet drama?
“Twisties, soaring high above Crown Sydney, has painted the skies with a special tribute to Taylor Swift this afternoon – sparking confusion amongst Swifties on social media,” the press release read.
“Providing Aussies with another unexpected twist amongst the hype this week, the word ‘Twifties’ appeared across the Sydney skyline as a testament to the fusion of Aussies’ adoration for Taylor Swift and the beloved Twisties chip brand.”
Okay, but WHY does this fusion exist? Who has ever made this connection? Am I crazy? Or am I the only sane person here?
This was but a taste of the emails we received. I’m not kidding, there were about a dozen a day that desperately crammed in various Taylor Swift song titles into their subject lines in an attempt to be down with the kids.
Honestly, if I get one more of these, I’m calling the ACCC.
