It’s time for the fourth dinner party so please, brace yourself in for the MAFS 2024 recap of Episode 20 (!!!). We’re getting to the pointy end.
Unlike the other men on this show, Ben knows how to iron with a shirt on. Also unlike the other men on this show, he has regrets about his fucked-up behaviours — AKA a song lyric he hurt both my ears and soul with.
He says his list of things he didn’t like about Ellie was just “constructive criticism” (are you actually fucking kidding) and has sent her a package to try and win her back.
It includes a letter with pictures of Maroubra Beach where they married. He has asked her to meet him there and it’s giving ‘Steve and Miranda reunite on Brooklyn Bridge in the Sex And The City movie’.
Timothy and Lucinda are going well which warms my cold, dead heart. Timothy thinks he’s in the best place they’ve ever been so take notes everyone: get your dad to suggest a one-night stand and you’ll stand a chance!
Side note: Lucinda’s going commando tonight and asks Timothy not to tell anyone (even though she just told all of Australia).
People start piling into the MAFS dinner party.
Jack sits down to tell Lauren he’s sorry about the “muzzle” comment. Why? Because he has sisters, a mother and a bunch of other females in his life that would be ashamed of him.
Lauren lets him have his rehearsed speech because it’s easier than teaching him the basic lessons on feminism. She’s the bigger person here.
When Lucinda arrives, she pulls Jack aside to tell him she was disappointed in his actions in the most mature, most Lucinda fashion. I’m proud of her for speaking up — if only the men could take a leaf out of her book.
Jayden then grabs Lucinda and shares his “concerns” for her when it comes to her relationship with Timothy.
“From my point of view, I think you need more,” Jayden tells Lucinda, even though she told him she’s loving life with Timothy at the moment.
Timothy has overheard this. Wanna know what he thinks?
“Fuck off.”
“Every dude with a fucking hair bun on this show thinks he’s Dr. Phil and Tony Robbins all mixed into one.”
Amazing television but also, I’m nervy because Timothy said he’s going to be on Jayden like “a pit bull on a poodle”.
Ellie rocks up alone and gives the others a rundown of what’s happened this week, from Ben going missing all the way through to him trying to get back back for the 17th time this week through a beach rendezvous.
Jono — who I think we all know likes Ellie at this point – wants to metaphorically slap Ben. Can anyone else just SMELL the chemistry between these two?
Ben arrives and he doesn’t even need to be signing shitty lyrics for this situation to be awkward. He has used his telekinesis to match Ellie’s outfit, and pulls her aside to chat.
Sadly for his MAFS storyline, dinner is served at that exact moment.
Lauren gives Ben the floor and want to know what happened between the pair since the last CC.
“You had a list of things that you didn’t like about me,” Ellie shares.
He defends himself by saying this absolute nonsense:
No one is impressed by his comments about Ellie’s makeup use, including Cassandra who wants Ben to shove this bullet-point list up his ass.
“There’s so many things wrong with saying that,” Eden adds.
He wants to explain himself!
“Ellie spends a lot of time in the mirror,” he interjects.
Ben then turns to Ellie and says he doesn’t believe they’re meant to be together, dumping her in front of everyone’s salad.
“I apologise for wasting your time,” he tells her.
Everyone thinks it’s hysterical that Ben tried to dump Ellie after she’d already very clearly dumped him.
Timothy asks Jayden about what he said to Lucinda earlier.
Lucinda reiterates that things have changed between her and Timothy, saying she’s taken the time to reflect on her own behaviour.
“Don’t blame yourself,” Eden jumps in.
“You have nothing to apologise for,” Sara adds.
I don’t disagree with them.
Jayden is pushing the matter and asks Lucinda if she’s disappointed about the lack of progression in her relationship.
Jayden asks if Timothy sees a future with Lucinda. Timothy says he doesn’t have to answer to Jayden.
“I’ve got an issue with anyone under 30 giving me advice,” Timothy tells producers. “The sight of Jayden’s face and his man bun drives me nuts.”
Jayden thinks age is but a number when it comes to relationship success.
“I’m 27 and my relationship is near perfect,” Jayden tells Timothy.
“Call me in thee years,” Timothy bites back.
They are now talking about Jayden being a “grandstander” and a world champion of some sort (I can only assume at some category of boxing).
Jayden does some weird thing where he throws his head back and says “two time, baby” in a voice I never want to hear again.
I don’t know, if it were that big of a deal would he really be on MAFS?
Timothy says Jayden will “have nothing in life”.
Oop, there it is!
Timothy has fisted the table…
… and Jayden has fingered it.
It has caused a dinnerware earthquake and sadly Lauren’s wine did not survive the tragedy.
“No one spills my fucking wine, that’s for sure. I’m fucking pissed,” Lauren says.
“I don’t care who you are, you don’t speak to anyone like that,” Tori tells producers.
Lucinda is trying to settle down Timothy and support him, which is no doubt a strategy after he felt ganged up on during the Commitment Ceremony.
“Tim is an awesome person,” she tells the table.
“We’ve heard it! We’ve heard it!” Tori jumps in.
“One minute. I haven’t finished,” Lucinda responds.
She’s feeling defensive and passionate about Timothy tonight and is everyone else as obsessed with this woman as I am?
Timothy has overheard Tori’s ramblings at the end of the table and wants to know what she’s going on about.
Tori tells Lucinda that what Timothy said to Jayden was “disgusting” in front of the entire table. Don’t you find this interesting given Lucinda handled the things Jack said by maturely pulling him aside? But hey, everyone’s different!
Lucinda admits that behaviour which includes banging on tables isn’t attractive to her, and she plans on speaking to Timothy about it.
That she does and they’re communicating so beautifully. I love that she knew the right time to have this chat and communicated it in a way that he would be able to respond well to.
Timothy tells Lucinda she the only one that could talk to him like this and he has nothing but respect for her.
Honestly, it seems like the dinner should be back on track now. But Tori is still on the warpath.
“I could not stand by a man who displayed himself the way Timothy did today. No way,” says Tori.
WHAT THE FUCK TORI HAVE YOU MET YOURSELF.
She thinks Timothy looks “smug”.
“If Jack sat down on the couch after a session with the experts and said ‘don’t speak to me’, my foot would go down his throat,” Tori tells Timothy.
“But you have no problem with Jack saying ‘muzzle you lady’?” Timothy bites back.
She says that she did have a problem and that Timothy didn’t spend the week with them. He throws that exact comment back in her face and she’s really losing her cool now — likely because she’s a hypocrite with no real argument here.
To be very clear: I do not condone how Timothy spoke to Lucinda after the Commitment Ceremony last week and I don’t agree with how aggressive he has been tonight. But I find it wildly audacious for Tori to put her hose up at Lucinda for defending Timothy when she’s done a similar thing with Jack.
Tori thinks she knows when to speak and when not to speak and that’s interesting given how involved she’d been in a conversation that has nothing to do with her.
Timothy says Jack told Lauren when to speak with the muzzle comment.
How does Tori respond to that?
“Jack didn’t tell Lauren when to speak, Jack said ‘stop speaking.’”
She then has the nerve to say that Timothy is being defensive, and is there a mirror in this fucking building because we need to press Tori’s face right against it methinks.
“You’ve got a foul mouth,” Jack tells Timothy.
Timothy reminds Jack that even with four women yelling at him tonight, he did not tell any of their husbands to “muzzle” them.
Is he really trying to compare swear words and sexism?
Tori keeps making comments about Timothy’s facial expressions and Cassandra tells Tori that maybe he was born this way. It’s his face!
Tori starts spewing some one-liners about Cassandra drinking Timothy Cool-Aid and IV drips. Does she think these lines will become iconic? They won’t.
“Small bites, babe,” Tori tells producers about Cassandra. “Don’t come for the top. I’m sorry there’s a fucking food chain here and you are not at the top, shut up.”
Now Tori has an issue with Cassandra paraphrasing what she said.
“She’s lucky that she doesn’t speak,” Tori warns.
“Go fuck yourself. You and your shitty husband.”
Is Tori possessed? She’s also swearing a lot for someone who had a husband complain about exactly that 30 seconds ago.
“Where was all this passion to react to your husband’s words last week?” MAFS expert Alessandra Rampolla comments.
You know shit’s fucked when it’s Jack that’s settling Tori down. Woah. What a night.
Next episode we have a crying Sara, a fading spark for Michael and Stephen and a confession from Jack that shits Tori. Don’t get too excited because clearly she gets shitty over breathing. See you for the next MAFS recap.
Chantelle Schmidt is a freelance writer. Follow her on Instagram.
