I can’t wait for this MAFS commitment ceremony. I’ve been counting down the seconds ever since Resting John Face promised he’d hold everyone accountable for their treatment of Princess Bogan.

Princess Bogan is feeling really deflated and humiliated which is so understandable. She’s talking about the night’s events with Nice Guy, one of about two people in this experiment (ILY @badgalella) who actually understand the issue at hand here.

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we cannot with these petulant people claiming to be adults

Princess Bogan hits the nail on the head with this comment about Olivia: “As a woman she should be ashamed of herself and there’s no coming back from that.”

Meanwhile, Olivia thinks Nice Guy and Princess Bogan are “fun-suckers of the group” and she “couldn’t give two shits.”

mafs australia mafs recap mafs 2022
i only give shits about shit-coloured dresses

Cody is giving Selina flowers to say sorry for his behaviour at the dinner party. If he did this every time he fucked up then he’d overwhelm the local florist. Selina is proud of him, proving only that shit men really only have to do the bare minimum.

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1 x petal for each mistake I’ve made, beb

I can think of someone else you might need to say sorry to, Cody?

Princess Bogan is feeling confused about Olivia’s story and wants to find out right now where she found the photos. Princess Bogan knocks on Olivia’s door and Olivia answers to greet her with a very enthusiastic “hello” and “how are you”.

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hey, hey, hey how’s my best girflriend!

“Uh, that’s irrelevant,” Princess Bogan responds. “What I want to know is where these images came from, who found them, whose phones they’re on – what’s the go?”

Olivia tries to say that she was just as shocked as Princess Bogan was about the photo coming up at the dinner party.

She then slams the door in Princess Bogan’s immaculate face because she doesn’t “need this”. Doll, you know what Princess Bogan didn’t need? One very petulant dress-chopping adult distributing a private photo of her.

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semantics

Someone has performed a successful exorcism on Sam who now believes Bebe Al has exercised “growth”. She has also decided to now enjoy the fact that he is “up for anything” after reprimanding him for exactly that.

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come to think of it, shoeys are cute!

Princess Bogan and Nice Guy are first up at the commitment ceremony. She confirms she’s unsure if it’s one photo or multiple photos that the group have seen. She also doesn’t know where the photos ended up but she would like to know.

She thinks that the intent behind the sharing of the photo was malicious and then starts getting watery eyes.

Resting John Face asks Olivia why she decided to send the photo to Selina in the first place. She says, “Because, I don’t know.”

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bc i am petulant, John

Olivia maintains it was “a nothing moment” and “not a big deal”. Resting John Face says it was one of the “ugliest” dinner parties he’s ever seen and that’s saying something coming from a man who’s truly seen it all.

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deep breaths

Olivia thinks she’s being blasted for being truthful. She also says this dumbass shit:”When I say that honestly, I feel like it’s being poo pooed.”

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i did 1 x poo poo and 2 x wee wee today!

Olivia thinks the reason Princess Bogan is upset is because “she’s lost control of the group”.

Princess Bogan explains she went to Olivia’s to get answers prior to the commitment ceremony. Olivia says Princess Bogan went on a “rampage” and started “yelling” at her. Nice Guy is laughing because he was there and knows Olivia likes to light gas.

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do u need some more gas-gas for your light-light doll

“There was no yelling,” he laughs.

“There was – you’re probably just used to it, Jack,” she responds.

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this woman is beyond

Princess Bogan confirms she wanted to write leave because she doesn’t want to be in the experiment anymore, and fair. But they both write stay because they love each other. At least that’s what I’m seeing here. How could they not?

More of a grilling over this situation would’ve been better from the MAFS experts, but let’s wait to see what’s in store when Olivia gets on the couch.

Next is Selina and Cody. Tell us about your horrific week gf! Mel asks Selina if she was able to decode the Cody code.

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she is cody-y enough for the cody club

Selina confirms that Uncle John is the only thing holding this relationship together. Something like that.

She is happy that Cody looks at her. And got her flowers. And that she feels equal to him in the relationship now. Bare minimum, people. REQUEST MORE.

They both stay. Cody thinks he’s great because he put “kisses” on the leave card. I may pass out from this mediocre PDA.

MAFS Recap: Liv Gets Teary After Being Told Her Poo-Poo Choices Boil Down To A Lack Of Empathy
nanananananan batman!

@badgalella and Baby Seal are up. @badgalella is a green kween tonight and I love this for her. Mel asks Baby Seal if he could see himself living in Melbourne. He says no.

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fat chance, Mel

Mel states the obvious and tells them that they need a plan for long distance.

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what’s the plan my stans??

The both write stay and then Baby Seal gives @badgalella a public and not-private kiss on the lips.

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is this good 4 u?

Next up is Ballarat Paris and Brent. Ballarat Paris says Brent has “way more OCD” than her which is not a very cool joke to make. She is a messy croissant-eater who is forbidden from consuming delicacies on Brent’s couch. All in all they had a good week so they both choose to stay.

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well done

Sam and Bebe Al are up to the Couch of Ouch. Sam loved seeing the playful side of Bebe Al that doesn’t include shoeys, Eminem lyrics or eating Bok choy with his hands.

Bebe Al wants to be more than friends so feels sad his master plan didn’t work. He says leave because he knows that’s what Sam wants. She also says leave and “it’s time to go” like she is Gretel Killeen and on the wrong show. She wants him to call her in 10 years which is a big insult but also one I have given.

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it’s time to go…. Al!

Next up is Jackson and Olivia and REAM HER, experts. Jackson says home stays were amazing even though he was criticised for looking after his physical and mental wellbeing. He also says that he understands how Princess Bogan is feeling.

Do you?

DO YOU?

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righto sailor jerry

Olivia says that the situation is bringing her and Jackson closer. Resting John Face calls BS and says it’s 100% affecting their relationship. And that they look miserable!

Olivia says she’s miserable with this situation and that she’s “constantly on the verge of tears having to live in this drama” and that she keeps “getting pulled back in” into it.

Mel reminds Olivia that she is the drama, and that she spoke to all the girls about the photo ahead of the dinner party. News to Princess Bogan.

Alessandra says there is room for human empathy from Olivia and that she should apologise.

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wot’s an empathy

“It’s just not in me. As far as empathy, I just don’t have it, it’s just not in me,” Olivia responds.

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don’t make me google u

Olivia is “in a really bad mood now” and starts unleashing the waterworks. Luckily for her, Jackson has empathy.

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so what happens is u just feel a bit of what they feel, my sweet

Jackson still thinks she’s an amazing person. She’s head over heels and sees her future in him. They both choose to stay so they can perhaps rewire her as a human.

And then there were five. No more commitment ceremonies!

Chantelle Schmidt is a freelance writer. You can tell her how much you hate these recaps on IG here.

Image: Channel Nine