Welcome back to your MAFS 2024 recap for Episode 18 where family, friends and bare minimums will bet met.
Oh shit. A MAFS groom is missing!
Ellie can’t find Ben after she broke his fake heart so he went on a fake bender and wants to fake leave the fake show so that he can gain momentum for his very real podcast.
It’s officially the halfway point of this experiment. Eden thinks her and Jayden have gotten this far “unscathed” because clearly her memory has been shot to shit.
A couple who is plenty scathed, however, is Lauren and Jono. Lauren is yelling at Jono for not backing her more when “some dude with a tight man bun and jeans three sizes too small” was going at her.
Jono promises to do better. Does Jack?
TBC, but clearly Tori gives zero fucks about her husband’s behaviour because they’re going to get matching tattoos.
The worst part? She thinks it a “fuck you to everyone” and honey, no, do not get a tattoo — something that’s permanently on you — as a proverbial middle finger to people you’ve known for five weeks.
She’s ready to move on and ah, the permanent picture on her body part would prove otherwise.
Tori is also a little too stoked about the reminder Jack will have of her on his inner thigh.
“Every shitshow that Jack and I are a part of, it just makes us stronger,” Tori reckons.
Ben calls Ellie. Ben asks Ellie if producers are around. Ben says he “really wants to come back” but I don’t think that’s what he would’ve said if producers weren’t around.
Just a hunch! I’d bet 10 bucks that he’s off his tit — it would explain the one hour of sleep.
The MAFS intruders are only just moving into Skye Suites, so fuck knows where they were staying for the dinner party and Commitment Creremony.
Ash wishes he wrote Leave at the last Commitment Ceremony and believes his union with Madeleine was “doomed from the start”. Oh, it’s legit over. I’m so confused about the rules of this show.
It’s family and friends week, which means one thing: return business for our entertaining wedding guests.
Lea — Tori’s bestie who had a bad feeling about Jack from Day One like the rest of Australia — is on her way. Tori warns Jack not to say anything about muzzles and then as Lea arrives, I cannot be sure, but it sounds like he says, “Is that Lea dog?”
Lea and Tori hug like besties normally do when not seeing each other for extended periods of time, but Jack is apparently just blown away by their embrace. It’s making him emotional!
Lea keeps calling him Jacob, which I do understand to be his real name, it’s just very startling for me to hear. I feel like two syllables are reserved for kind people!
Tori and Jack (Jacob?) fill Lea in on the casual sexism at the dinner table recently.
“[The muzzle comment] tells me that at the root of his soul, he’s a misogynistic person,” Lea says to producers.
Lea believes nothing coming out of Jacob’s mouth and then essentially asks how his and Tori’s fucc life is.
“Sex is important. What’s that like? I’ve been dying to know.”
They inform Lea that there has been no P in V.
Lea thinks this is an usually long time for Tori to wait, and Jack once again says that he’s “ready” for the spontaneous combustion.
Lea notices a difference in Tori and has never seen her relinquish this much control. Jack thinks Lea is back in his good books because he got her some chocolates?
Mitch Eynaud AKA Season Nine’s Baby Seal is back and asks Jayden if he’s “in love or what”. Jayden AKA Paddlepop Lion confirms he’s “getting there” with Eden.
Eden’s dad thinks Eden looks happy and that his daughter and Jayden are a great match. I am worried for dad to watch this show back and find out about how Jayden copes with betrayal.
Mitch once again uses his brother taking this experiment seriously as a chance to reflect on his own skepticism two years ago. How interesting that as I write this, his MAFS ex Ella Ding just announced her engagement.
MAFS intruder Jade tells Ridge about the father of her child cheating on her with her best friend. She feels guilty that she didn’t enjoy the pregnancy as much as she feels she should have because of that resentment she was feeling towards those people who betrayed her.
“Cheating while she was pregnant? What a dickhead,” Ridge says, who is amazingly mature and comforting to Jade about her confession.
When Jade stresses out about the ability Ridge has to hurt her in the same way her ex did, he is reassuring and tells her that he’s not going anywhere.
Michael and Stephen are hugging it out for their bonding crash-course, and Stephen immediately feels more connected to his groom after initially feeling guarded in this MAFS experiment.
Lucinda and Timothy are gearing up to meet the family and friends after spending the night apart. While this makes me excited for Lucinda’s free breasts while outside of their matrimonial shirt prison, I’m nervous for how this catch-up is going to go.
Lucinda is manifesting a closer connection between the two after Timothy felt really attacked during “The CC” (Commitment Ceremony), but, as per usual, Timothy is struggling to find any optimism.
Side note: Love this “CC” abbreviation for the Commitment Ceremony but sadly I need to spell it out for SEO reasons. Yes, decent too, Mr Ridge.
The car ride is hell on wheels and they arrive to the venue well and truly at odds with one another.
Timothy’s friends and Lucinda’s parents are told all about the way Timothy feels post-CC, with Lucinda putting her hand up to take full accountability for her part in how Timothy’s feeling.
“But she’s apologised,” Timothy’s friend jumps in upon him flogging the dead horse, yet again.
The way Lucinda’s Dad holds her hand in support throughout this is do dang sweet, by the way.
Timothy’s friend says he’s stubborn and then breaks down explaining that this is how he deals with his trauma.
Timothy confirms he’s more out than in when it comes to this relationship and it upsets Lucinda, understandably.
Lucinda’s dad thinks Timothy doesn’t know how to move on from things.
“He’s a bit repetitive, I think, and a bit boring.”
Lucinda’s Dad has intervened and somebody from Channel Nine, give this family their own TV show, immediately.
He tells Timothy that he doesn’t want to hear about this argument and these walls anymore — essentially that if the man’s so intent on walls, then he should build one and get the fuck over it.
Dad then politely asks Timothy to fuck his daughter.
Tomorrow night on MAFS we meet more family and friends and I’m just do excited to see Cassandra‘s dad again. Tim‘s best man? Not so much.
Chantelle Schmidt is a freelance writer. Follow her on Instagram.
