For Episode 15 of our Married At First Sight 2024 recaps, we’ll be meeting our last MAFS intruder couple which includes one very cocky boy. Great! We didn’t have enough of those already!
But first, we must check in on our latest MAFS 2024 couples. Michael and Stephen are waking up in bed together, with Stephen going straight for the bottle of urine on his bedside table.
They’re going to Tassie for their MAFS honeymoon! Mash AKA Madeleine and Ash are off to Ulladulla, and Tristan is off to… another Skye Suites apartment to take some time out from boring his MAFS wife, Cassandra.
It’s time for another MAFS wedding and I know this because the rejects from the Mash wedding have been invited to this one. If Lucinda and Lauren aren’t going, what’s the point?
Everyone, meet Ridge. He reckons he is done with the bachie life and that doesn’t add up to me, because I reckon he is actually on MAFS for the incoming DMs.
There it is: he says he has had heaps of situationships but doesn’t want to hurt anyone anymore. It’s giving transparent soft boy.
Jade, the woman he’s being matched with, is from South Africa. She was cheated on by her daughter’s father with her best friend.
I truly did not know this was a common thing until I watched this show. I wonder if Jade and Eden were both in line to be Jayden‘s wife and then they decided last minute to make Jade an intruder?
Anyway, good thing she’s been paired with a juvenile who’s reminiscent of Season Nine’s Al Perkins, I guess?
Ridge is one of Da Boiz and says things like “dece” because the two syllables needed for “decent” are just too much to fath (short for fathom).
Ridge says there is a fine line between cocky and confident and I find it interesting that he’s telling us this considering he has most definitely crossed it.
He’s at the altar now and keeps asking everyone what’s cracking and laughs about needing a drink. Perfect!
Ridge is worried about not being able to get hard for Jade if she’s not his idea of hot.
When he sees Jade, Ridge decided he likes her and her “tidy rig”. Ew.
But wait, there’s more! He tells Jade it’s fitting that they’re getting married in Taronga Zoo because he is “the king of the jungle”. He is the king of making me fucking cringe right now but I imagine that didn’t have as nice a ring to it.
He’s also gorgeous with shoulders for her to cry on!
In between saying “dece” 17 times too many, the groomsmen say that they think Ridge is ready for a serious relationship, which is comforting.
It’s reception time and Ridge has about 2% of a brain because he keeps referring to Jade as an “old bird” and “old girl”.
Is she not the same age? She’s 26, he’s 27. At my elderly age of 33, he must think I’m on life support.
In case he hadn’t completely soiled this union already, he then asks Jade if the pronunciation of her name is “Jar-day”. He must follow @therealjadetunchy.
Jade (pronounced Jade) tells Ridge about the seven-year-old daughter she has, who likely can annunciate the word “decent”. He says “that’s sick” and that he can’t wait to meet her, but this is also the same man who said he’s done with the bachie life so forgive me if I’m sceptical.
OMG STOP SAYING DECE.
Back at Skye Suites, our safe haven after spending time in the literal zoo, MAFS expert John Aiken has arrived at Cassandra and Tristan’s abode after a call up from Cassandra for help. I don’t believe that for one fucking second but I welcome John and his finger-to-forehead any day.
Cassandra tells John she feels friend-zoned because of the lack of affection, and Tristan says he wants to be affectionate. It’s all very confusing but John suggests that they do rituals like getting coffee? I think? I don’t know.
Anyway, I’m sure it’ll be completely natural and not awkward / forced at all for them to be affectionate moving forward.
Over at our MAFS honeymoons, Stephen is wigging out about Michael previously being matched, and whether or not he’s here for the right reasons. I’m confused! Like does Stephen actually think the person that the MAFS experts choose is the one?
Over in Ulladulla, Maddy tells Ash that she cries heaps and he’s like, “Cool, that’s fine” (or something of that nature).
She says she loves him for accepting her and being there for her. I’m going to need her to settle down because according to my calculations, it’s been roughly 24-72 hours.
It’s the morning after for Jade and Ridge, and I know this because Ridge keeps telling Jade she is glowing so that she will cave and tell Australia that they banged.
OK, something very weird is happening on Maddy and Ash’s honeymoon. I believe her to be crying because she is around cows, and she ate cow last night. Not these cows, though.
She is self-aware though, saying that’s she’s so fucking annoying.
Now she is in the paddock with the cows, which is alarming to Ash but not to the producers who should’ve stopped them by now.
Maddy apologises to the cows for eating their species and I think we just witnessed someone become a vegetarian. I’ll be watching intently at the MAFS dinner parties.
Now it’s time for a meal that’s presumably meat-free. Something weird is happening because I’m not sure if Maddy is talking or if she is possessed by a spirit.
Like, does she love Ash? Or some random 85-year-old who died in 1996? What’s happening?
And WTF happened at Ash’s debutante ball?
Poor dude looks like he’s about to poo and have a heart attack at the same time. I hope for his sake that psychic downloads don’t happen mid-coitus.
Wow! Next MAFS recap looks like the one where Jack says that disgusting muzzle comment. Yuck! But also, I’m ready, let’s go etc.
Until then you can follow me on Instagram for more MAFS dribble.
