Happy Met Gala day, everyone! It feels like we just had a day of eyeballing all the frocks and fits on the iconic museum’s steps and now we’re back at it again. With a red carpet rolled out it means only one thing: it’s time for us to park up on the couch in our leggings and a daggy jumper and suddenly become experts in fashion.
Today is Part Two of the Met’s exhibition of American fashion — we were blessed with a showing in September that focused on American independence — and the celebs are out in full force in some fine (and fucking foul) fits.
Part two’s theme is “Gilded Glamour” so we’re expecting some big frills, Bridgerton-level baps, coat-tails and gem encrusting as far as the eye can see.
So let’s get into it, shall we?
Evan Mock understood the assignment. More men in corsets and high Shakesperean frill necks, thank you! Honestly so glad he didn’t get sucked into the black tux penguin suit vortex so many men wind up in at these events.
It’s giving… Scrooge McDuck. I both love and hate it. Shawn Mendes really entering his villain era in this fit.
There is simply nothing that will stop me from eternally adoring Anderson .Paak. The detailing in the jacket paired with the leather tie and flares and the Beatles-era wig rides the line between gilded glamour America and his deeply horny Silk Sonic energy. No further notes.
Yes. YES. YES.
Michelle Yeoh has nailed the assignment here. The green palette of this simply gorgeous gown is bang on the money. It’s even taken away from the fact she’s somehow worn a slim Baby G watch to the Met Gala.
At first, I thought that Ryan Reynolds barely even tried. But on closer inspection, he’s in a BROWN VELVET SUIT. It’s subtle and doesn’t take away from the moment that is Blake Lively. So far our only big reveal on the Met steps but my GOD was it a reveal.
This is a bit camp, it’s a bit fun and it surprisingly kinda… works? I’m not too sure what Autumn de Wilde was aiming for here but it’s giving Willy Wonka and I’m just waiting for her to do a forward roll and offer me a wee chocolate.
Kacey fuckin’ Musgraves, ladles and gentlebeans. Sometimes less is more and this figure and dress cut is stunning on her. She’s leaned into the glamour energy with the opera gloves and the feathered fan.
Janelle Monaé is peak knight-in-shining-armour chainmail at the club. Fuck me up. She truly never misses.
Ma’am why the fuck are you here.
It’s like Blade Runner meets Sweeney Todd met and tried out for an NFL team. What is going on?
It’s nice to see that Emma Chamberlain‘s father allowed her out for the evening even though it’s butter churning night.
This is some wonderfully demure “please join me in the boudoir” energy from Vanessa Hudgens. It might not be necessarily gilded but it’s certainly fucking glamourous.
Our other mum and dad — Sophie Turner and Joe Jonas — hard-launched their new baby tonight. Not particularly feeling Joe’s tails which look like my grandparents’ lace curtains but Sophie’s hair and makeup are perfect.
Nicola Coughlan is a VISION here. The bust is gorgeous, the colours are real old Hollywood glamour and the feathering gives the whole look that little extra oomph.
I have one word for you, Stormzy: fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
It’s gilded out the wazoo, it’s glam as all hell and it’s so phenomenally Megan Thee Stallion, it hurts.
Now THIS is what I’m talking about. Billie Eilish not only understood the assignment, I daresay she got a HD and then went on to re-write the whole bloody curriculum. More Bridgerton boobs! I love it!
Contrary to popular belief, this is not Jared Leto. It is Fredrik Robertson — who might just be a parallel-universe Leto. This is absolutely breathtaking but not really on theme. Sorry, babe.
Sucked in Kodi Smitt-McPhee, Mum said it’s your turn to wash the dishes tonight.
Speaking of mums, the mother arrived and really soaked in every single second of her time on the Met Gala carpet. Sure, hot pink might not be of the time the theme is based, but Glenn Close has taken a fit that would have been bang on and brought it to 2022.
And here is Glenn’s Met Gala sprog, Sebastian Stan. Even less on theme but I’ll allow it simply because it’s Sebastian Stan.
Another allowance for being off theme and dressed like All Men Dress: Kieran Culkin. He does not give a single shit and I have to respect it.
Nicki Minaj found a giant Santa and stole his belt. Her dress is also hanging on for dear life up the top there and I just don’t quite get the baseball cap in here. I did a bit of digging and I think baseball may have kicked off in the US around the time of the industrial revolution? Either way this is a very busy look and I’m not vibing.
If you’re wondering if Kim Kardashian is wearing the Marilyn Monroe Happy Birthday Mister President gown — she is.
Zero notes. Perfection. I wouldn’t be terrified to even breathe near her tonight.
Lizzo consistently just turns it out again and again, and this is no exception. I will forgive the skirt that looks like you could unzip it to make it a mini dress because that jacket is to die for.
Ok so ONE of these people is Jared Leto. I’m about 80% certain. And Jessica Chastain is cosplaying as The Great Zoltar, manipulating all the clones.
I’m so undecided on whether I love this from Normani or not. The velvet and shape is perfect for the theme but the waistline screams Y2K lowrider Xtina Dirrrty era. Does it work? Fucken somehow, yeah.
Oscar Isaac comfortable in a dress. I repeat: OSCAR ISAAC COMFORTABLE IN A DRESS. I don’t even care that it’s barely on theme.
Holy shit Cara Delevigne really just stepped out here with a cane and said “I am the theme”.
Kourtney Kardashian looks like she’s grabbed something half-finished (which is probably the look she was going for) but it looks really not that great and kinda unflattering. Travis Barker, however, has taken the Men In Black Suits energy and elevated it enough to make it stand out.
More 00s punks on high-end event carpets, please.
Hailey Beiber is like the opposite side of Vanessa Hudgen’s boudoir look earlier. It’s beautiful on her but it’s lacking a bit of the outragousness the gilded age had, where everyone was clearly dripping in money.
Khloé Kardashian is absolutely gorgeous in her first Met Gala appearance while Kylie Jenner straight-up looks like she fell in the Supré bargain bin in Parramatta Westfield in about 2003.
She also looks like she knows it and haaaaaates it.
The colour: yes. The quilting: yes. The corsetry: yes. The shiny latex? Not sure about that one, Gigi Hadid.
My workmate Ruby said Bad Bunny looks like Inspector Gadget and I can’t un-see it. Why does he look like Inspector Gadget!!!