Buckle in for another MAFS recap because we have ranking tasks! Celebrants are being held against their will! Forced hugs!
After Dan told the MAFS experts he wasn’t attracted to his objectively stunning wife, Sandy, they went home and had sex. Um. What?
They fought and then cuddled and then penetrated. This is why you should never let a man over who says, “We can just cuddle”.
Oh, great the endometriosis storyline is back. The disorder needs airtime, of course, but not like this. They’re making a mockery of something that affects so many uterus-havers by giving the mic to Bunnings Daddy (Harrison).
“I’m just delighted that Bronte’s feeling better,” Bunnings Daddy says. He is bragging about getting her tea and hot water bottles. “I haven’t even gone to the gym today, but that’s the type of person I am.”
The MAFS intruders are moving into the Skye Suites. Rupert is clearly trying to murder his model wife by giving her boiling hot coffee while she’s asleep or burning her retinas with an iPhone torch.
Cam got Lyndall flowers to apologise for the lack of hugs.
Cam thinks “last night was toxic as” which I believe to mean “very toxic”. He is talking about Claire keeping Jesse in the experiment against his will.
Claire thinks it wasn’t over, it still isn’t over etc. Unfortunately for her cheating ass, all of Jesse’s bags are packed, he’s ready to go (and he’s not standing there outside her door).
Well, well, well, what do we have here? Jesse has put on a mask and TELL ME this is not your sleep paralysis demon. Why would you… pack that? If this is a fetish then count me out.
He’s losing his mind.
Rupert is asking Evelyn if she likes back tickles which is a dumb question because everyone likes back tickles. She just wants to be touched, to be fair.
Alright, they’re meeting friends and family, which they already did at the wedding but sure. Also isn’t this meant to happen much further along in the MAFS experiment?
Jesse has brought back his T-Rex-inspired double-man-bun and if I have to choose between that or the mask, I will take the Scary Spice hair.
Jesse is so tapped out and trying really hard to not be an asshole. You’re doing great, sweetie.
Claire is hoping that her dad brings some nuggets of the life-advice kind. Nugget Daddy and Jesse really get along and it’s sad that Claire shat on this one, isn’t it?
Claire tells Nugget Daddy she kissed another hubby. Nugget Daddy not happy.
Nugget Daddy asks Jesse how he feels about it, which we love. Nugget Daddy now wants to either say grace or do a séance, I’m not sure which one.
Nugget Daddy about to drop some nuggets.
“There’s things we can get over and there’s things we can’t get over. But it’s up to us. We have that decision to make, yeah?” Nugget Daddy tells Claire and Jesse.
Jesse tells Nugget Daddy that this week he is a passenger.
Rupert and Evelyn have to hug for three minutes and I really hope this breaks the awkwardness between them. Spoke too soon because he makes it awkward straight away by asking what position they should be in for the lengthy hug.
He likes “adult hug” which is apparently “sex”. I was today years old, people.
Rupert is off to a horrible start by asking Evelyn what she’s thinking about 0.03 seconds in. She asks him to “stop talking”, likely so she can regain the sleep she lost by trying to not get burnt or lose her eyes.
He tells her that she’s choking him out and she does an excellent job of not laughing. Then he asks her if she put on deodorant this morning.
Tayla and Hugo are doing the MAFS photo ranking task which will be absolute carnage. Tayla didn’t even realise Hugo was on the table.
She puts Cam first, which surprises no one. She puts Bunnings Daddy second, which proves how truly superficial she is. Jesse? Well, he goes last because he gives her “serial killer vibes”.
Producers ask if there’s anything Tayla finds attractive about her husband and holy shit she says, “his height”. I want to pretend that I would never say that but I would, followed by a laugh. But she does not laugh. She’s dead fucking serious.
Tayla proceeds to put Hugo first? I did not expect that! Is she going to follow this up with something harsh behind his back? Even he’s questioning it.
Hugo wants to put Tayla first and tells her she’s in the “top three”. He asks her if she thinks she deserves first place given her treatment of puppy dogs like him.
He says if it’s based on “intelligence”, “humour” and “trying” then maybe she deserves to be last. But he wouldn’t do that to her! So he puts her second last. So let me get this straight: does he think she’s dumb, not funny and lacks effort? That’s what I heard.
Prince Eric (Duncan) is in his apron again so I’m going to need two-three minutes to recompose myself.
Nothing exciting happens during this meal except for this:
Sandy and Dan’s post-sex meet-and-greet is on hold because Dan has been gone for another six-hour run.
“Since we’ve been intimate, he has been distant,” she explains. Oh dear, this is not good. She’s wondering if he’s feeling weird about what happened and is getting upset.
I hate that she has to question herself as a result of this.
She says that Dan previously said he can separate sex and feelings, whereas she’s been clear that she can’t.
Tayla is sick of Hugo. Literally.
He thinks she is acting as if someone has pissed in her Cornflakes. “My back’s hurting from carrying this relationship,” he says.
Dan’s back from his 50-hour run. Sandy suggests that maybe next time he runs only for three hours instead of six. Dan’s questionable friend from the MAFS wedding (yes, that one) has arrived along with Sandy’s sister.
Dan says he’s not connecting with Sandy because she’s not as “active” as he is. An interesting revelation after sleeping with someone.
Sandy explains that she’s allergic to the ocean. Something tells me this is not what Dan’s friend was expecting.
Dan’s friend asks if someone’s prepared to move and Sandy starts saying that it’s not completely off the cards, only for Dan to interrupt and say “I can’t”.
Dan’s saying that Sandy watches TV but she says that she’s keeping herself entertained while sitting at home waiting for him.
Dan goes outside with his friend and something tells me they’ve been in this situation before, perhaps most Sundays:
Sandy’s ocean allergy gives Dan anxiety. He wants the energy that he has with his Bottomless Buddy Georgia, only with a partner. Marry her then? Now it all makes sense that he ended up with the orange dress from his MAFS wedding.
Sandy and Dan are now alone. Silence. Awkward. Dan addresses the “incompatibility” between them because of differences in lifestyles and interests. He keeps talking about how he wanted someone “active” who goes to the gym.
Their conversation is weird and goes nowhere. He thinks she’s speaking over him which is rich considering what I just watched.
See you for tomorrow’s MAFS recap, because something tells me this is just the beginning of Dan’s villain edit.
Chantelle Schmidt is a freelance writer and host of We’ve Done The MAFS podcast. Follow her on Instagram or TikTok.
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