Hungry Jack’s 2 New Desserts Have Sent Me Even Further Into Denial About My Lactose Intolerance

Prepare your 3am tastebuds, my children, because Hungry Jack's has brought back two of its most gobble-worthy delights and added two fresh items to the summer menu. Get it away from me, I simply mustn't!

Prepare your 3am tastebuds, my children, because Hungry Jack’s has brought back two of its most gobble-worthy delights and added two fresh items to the summer menu. Get it away from me, I simply mustn’t!

Starting from *checks watch*, now, you can get your chompers around a Tropical Whopper and an Aussie Whopper.

What makes a Tropical Whopper tropical, you might ask? Pineapple, obviously. No further questions your honour.

What makes an Aussie Whopper Aussie? An egg and some beetroot.

God, we are such a silly country.

But just in case you needed some dessert with your main course, HJ’s has come through with the goods.

We’ve been delivered two sweet new menu items that sound like they were dreamt up by a red cordial-addicted toddler.

And I’m fine with that as long as no actual 3-year-olds were employed in the making of these drinks.

These two drinks look like the type of thing that would make even a lactose-tolerant person shit their pants.

But like, you still wouldn’t regret drinking them. Does that make sense?

Maybe the real Fairy Floss Storm was the one that happened in our tummies after we drank it in one mouthful <3

I mean, FFS, the website description for the Fairy Floss drink literally reads, “Treat yourself with delicious, fluffy fairy floss that melts in your mouth with fun popping candy inside, loaded with yummy fairy floss syrup to satisfy your cravings”.

Tell me that’s not, in a loose sense, porn.

Regardless, it’s been a big couple of months for the people at Hungry Jack’s.

In November, they won a court case against McDonald’s, decreeing it could continue to call its burgers the “Big Jack”, which sounds eerily similar to Macca’s “Big Mac”.

Not similar enough, according to the court.

Prior to that, in July, HJ’s brought a dessert to Australia that Macca’s deliberately didn’t bring Down Under.

VERY petty. We love to see it.

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