Astrology has been around for centuries now but there’s something about the current era of star sign fans that’s unlike anything we’ve ever seen before.
The rise of social media astrology has shown that whether you’re a devout astrology girlie or you’re just dipping your toes into the cosmic pool, one thing is for certain: we don’t want to be pandered to, we want astrology to give it to us straight. We want to be roasted.
All those star sign memes that you and your mates tag each other in are usually of the savage variety because that’s what astrology does. It praises our beautiful traits while holding us accountable for our not-so great traits.
But above all, it provides a window into our souls and helps us uncover our innermost secrets, according to the stars. By understanding more about the signs, you can figure out everything about a person, from how to make them fall in love with you to how to break up with them gently.
Here’s what the people in your life might be hiding from you (and what you may be hiding from yourself) according to the stars…
Secrets about each star sign
5 secrets an Aries will never tell you
Lady Gaga is your typical headstrong Aries
1. They’re confident, but not quite as confident as they make themselves out to be and they rely on compliments to fuel their ego.
2. They’re aware that they are mad control freaks – they just don’t give a damn.
3. They’re still pissed at you for beating them at pool a few years back and they’ve been on a mission to destroy you ever since.
4. They’re happy to see that you’re killing it at life but they can’t help but wonder why they aren’t just as, if not more, successful.
5. Everything is a game to them. One they intend to win.
5 secrets a Taurus will never tell you
1. They know that their stubbornness pisses people off but eh, too bad.
2. They’re so averse to change that they’d rather stay in an unhappy situation than start over and face the unknown.
3. No, it’s not okay for you to bring your ~other bestie~ to brunch. It’s not okay for you to have another bestie in the first place!
4. They’re absolutely thrilled that you cancelled on them because they never wanted to go anyway (even though they made the plan).
5. They think you’re full of shit.
5 secrets a Gemini will never tell you
1. They only asked the question so they could give their answer.
2. They spill the tea so people keep them around like a daily news source.
3. They travel in packs because they don’t like to be left alone with their thoughts.
4. Yes, they’ve seen your text. But they’ve got spicier texts to respond to and your tea was incredibly tepid in comparison.
5. As much as they enjoy being comic relief, they also want to be taken seriously.
5 secrets a Cancer will never tell you
1. They need you to need them.
2. They’re deathly afraid of ending up alone.
3. Sometimes they purposely act upset so people will ask if they’re okay.
4. Your name is dropped quite a bit in their therapy sessions.
5. They want you to see a therapist.
5 secrets a Leo will never tell you
If astrology isn’t real, then why is J.Lo a Leo?
1. You are a side character in their show.
2. They’re frequently concerned that their good looks will alienate them by making everyone else feel inferior.
3. They didn’t accidentally miss the part of the invite that said ‘dress casual’, they just chose to ignore it.
4. If you’re not totally obsessed with them, they interpret that as hatred.
5. You think of them way more than they’ll ever think of you.
5 secrets a Virgo will never tell you
1. You’re constantly disappointing them, but they won’t tell you because they’re aware that their standards are too high for any human to achieve.
2. They might look like they have it all together, but on the inside, they’re a mess of nerves and self-doubt.
3. They resent the fact that they’d do literally anything for you but you’re incapable of doing the same.
4. They believe that without them, the world would descend into chaos.
5. They don’t take any critiques or criticisms seriously – mostly because they believe no one has the right to judge them. (But trust me, they judge themselves enough for the rest of us!)
5 secrets a Libra will never tell you
1. They know they’re pretty, they just try to sound humble.
2. You’re one of, like, fifteen people they call ‘bestie’.
3. They’d rather stay home than have to choose the restaurant.
4. No, it’s not okay for you to you borrow their favourite outfit, but they don’t know how to say no.
5. Yes, they love you . . . but their love has a limit.
5 secrets a Scorpio will never tell you
As a proud member of the Scorpio star sign, Kris Jenner is our greatest encapsulation.
1. You don’t have to worry about them snooping through your phone because the last time they did, they were incredibly disappointed by how unspicy the tea was.
2. They’ve seen your entire future.
3. They have a childhood toy hidden in their bedroom for comfort.
4. They say they don’t give a fuck, but they do. They give too many fucks to count.
5. They’ve got way more than five secrets.
5 secrets a Sagittarius will never tell you
1. They think you’re a moron if you’re not up to date on current events.
2. They’re still trying to chase the high of that epic night they had years ago.
3. They’re not actually on their way, they’re still in their bedroom getting ready.
4. They’ve got other plans after this, you’re just a stop along the way.
5. They never want the party to end.
5 secrets a Capricorn will never tell you
1. They don’t think they’re better than you, they know they’re better than you.
2. Everything in life is just a distraction from work.
3. They’re big softies deep down, they just wouldn’t dare show you that (and if they did, they’d have to kill you).
4. They’re worried people think they’re eternally stoic and don’t have a fun side because of their stern demeanour.
5. They low-key hate everyone, they just tolerate a select few people.
5 secrets an Aquarius will never tell you
Quirky king Harry Styles is pure Aquarian.
1. They’re not from this planet.
2. They’re counting down the days ’til they can move to a faraway land.
3. They like to contradict people just for the kicks.
4. Even though you try to include them, they still feel like an outsider.
5. They resent that you’re not doing more to protect the planet.
5 secrets a Pisces will never tell you
1. They feel like no one understands them, which is partially true because few have the same emotional depth as them.
2. They love to play the victim because they enjoy sympathy and attention from others.
3. They absolutely froth a good cry sesh.
4. They’re well aware that most of the drama in their life is self-induced.
5. They’ve been messaging their ex despite you warning them not to.
This was an extract from How to Spot the (Star) Signs, the debut astrology book by PTV’s Managing Editor Matt Galea. It’s on sale now at Dymocks, Amazon, Booktopia, Big W and most book stores. You can find him on Instagram and TikTok.
