You may have noticed that PTV has rolled out an election vertical called Electile Dysfunction where we spin yarns about the upcoming election.
My esteemed colleagues who cover newsy topics have tapped up a bunch of brilliant pieces to help make your voting decision easier.
As an astrology lover, my editors have tasked me with sussing out how the blokes stack up according to astrology.
Before I continue, let me be clear on this: do not, I repeat, DO NOT use astrology to inform your decision when voting.
Here, we’re gonna suss out the leadership skills of each candidate using the ancient art of astrology.
Scott Morrison – Taurus
Cast your mind back to the last few years with this jackass at the helm and the way he’s behaved during national emergencies.
Sauntering off to Hawaii while the country was burning, his ineffectiveness during the pandemic, and so on and so forth.
It should come as no surprise then that Taurus is the laziest earth sign. They’re all about pampering themselves and would skip out on hard work just to get home in time for dinner.
Sound familiar? It should. It’s what we’ve put up with for years.
Not only that, but given that they’re the bull sign, they’re stubborn as shit and against any form of change, which makes sense given how fkn backward his views are.
Literally one of the only upsides to having a Taurus leader in charge is that they’re not afraid to be total dicks when they need to be.
Well Scomo is a total dick around the bloody clock, even, nay, especially when he doesn’t have to be. So there ya have it.
Anthony Albanese – Pisces
So here’s the tea: the other two candidates are both Pisces and from an astrologer’s perspective, this is fkn fabulous news.
Ya know why? Because Pisceans have what our current leader lacks: empathy, compassion, the ability to give a damn about other people etc.
Piscean leaders are all about healing and solving problems for everyone and with Albo, that’s all he’s been banging on about.
That being said, being an emotional water sign, Piscean leaders can get caught up in the weeds of situations rather than attacking problems head-on.
Adam Bandt – Pisces
Remember what I said about Piscean leaders being all about healing? Well if you take a look at some of the policies and funding being discussed by The Greens, you’ll see that Piscean energy shining through.
In terms of negative traits of Piscean leaders, in addition to the aforementioned drawback, these guys are all about people-pleasing.
But quite frankly, given the state that things are in, I think pleasing the people isn’t necessarily a bad thing!
Anywho, I hope you enjoyed this astrological analysis, now I’d like to reiterate one final time: DO NOT USE ASTROLOGY TO INFORM YOUR DECISION WHEN VOTING!!!
Instead, suss out our Electile Dysfunction vertical and see where each would-be leader stands on important policies.