We had our first Commitment Ceremony on Married At First Sight tonight and hooly dooly was it something. The gaslighting and deflection was real, as was the schooling of noted fuckhead Harrison by Alessandra (and a lil’ by John). Finally, some good fucking MAFS food!
Mel, Alessandra and John asked Harrison and Bronte how they were going and mans literally said it felt like a holiday ‘cos they’re on a “break” so he hasn’t seen much of her.
The people of the internet had literally seen his face for five seconds and were already done.
Harrison is a turd burger. #mafs #mafsau
— Ira Snave (@IraSnave) February 12, 2023
Harrison is despicable. I couldn’t stand a human less #mafs
— Ally Morgs (@thedyslexic_all) February 12, 2023
Harrison is a petulant man baby#mafs #mafsau
— Pantly (@the_fanta_sea) February 12, 2023
everything Harrison does/says is so manipulative and rude #mafs #mafsau not just to bronte but to literally everyone
— hi (@ladiesb1rd) February 12, 2023
THE AUDACITY OF THIS MAN #mafs #mafsau
— God’s Siwwiest Boi (@TheEvansMitch) February 12, 2023
The experts then asked Harrison and Bronte to bring up their wedding night beef which, if I’m being honest, is a storyline that’s starting to break my brain. It’s the MAFS equivalent of the whole Felix/Jessica/Damien storyline which plagued The Bachelors and made me want to lobotomise myself.
The thought of me smooshing my prefrontal cortex aside, Harrison revealed his secret girlfriend Abby Miller helped him pack his bags for MAFS and took *that* pic the girly in the pink dress showed us at the wedding.
He started spinning a weave that was so big, even Shelob in The Lord Of The Rings wouldn’t be able to keep track of it. People on Twitter were confused as shit.
I think Harrison is losing track of his lies #MAFSAU #mafs
— Psychocinematic Podcast (@psychocinematic) February 12, 2023
Bronte: You were talking to a girl the day on our wedding day. There was a photo of your luggage.
Harrison: Are you sure she didn’t she didn’t take that picture?
Everyone: ….
Harrison: ….#MAFS #MAFSAU pic.twitter.com/ErJlULBY2m
— Married At First Sight Experts (@mafsexperts) February 12, 2023
https://twitter.com/c_michelle2795/status/1624698302506889216
Actual icon Melinda said he had to get in the bin and the internet applauded her. As they should.
“For the bin”
Melinda I love you and I’m sorry I ever talked shit about you #mafs #mafsau
— Ira Snave (@IraSnave) February 12, 2023
I would watch an entire show around Melinda and the experts dragging Harrison #MAFSAU
— Joey Nicita ☀️ (@JoeyNicita) February 12, 2023
For the bin indeed.#MAFS #MAFSAU
— BossBitch (@Tinker_Shar) February 12, 2023
Then came the Alessandra dragging and it was everything we could hope for and more. It was divine. I was ready to roll over, turn on the telly and light up a cigarette. Obviously I couldn’t do that ‘cos I had to finish writing this story but let me tell you it was so fucking satisfying watching Alessandra hand Harrison his ass on a silver platter.
I know I spoke about myself a lot just then but the internet agreed with me.
DRAG HIM ALESSANDRA! #MAFS #MAFSAU pic.twitter.com/YmOJneSzyX
— Ira Snave (@IraSnave) February 12, 2023
Harrison: We’ll I…
Alessandra: Let me finish please
Australia:#MAFSAU #MAFS pic.twitter.com/ZthCaGLKnA
— so tired (Taylor’s Version) (@pjk27779) February 12, 2023
Alessandra with the takedown #MAFS #MAFSAU
— Emily Pritchett 🦋 (@emilympritchett) February 12, 2023
This Queen is not here for Harrison’s bullshit
Finish him #MAFS #MAFSAU pic.twitter.com/3Hyj5YBaj6
— to whom it may concern (@bishcheese) February 12, 2023
Dayum Alessandra going off on the first commitment ceremony.#MAFS #MAFSAU
— BossBitch (@Tinker_Shar) February 12, 2023
Then came the pièce de résistance in the Harrison grilling.
“The place where your brain needs to be, perhaps shouldn’t be between someone else’s legs and body,” Alessandra said.
She really gagged him and Twitter was fucking gooped as well. Lives were changed.
YES ALESSANDRA. YOU GRAB HIS BALLS AND RIP HIM A NEW ONE. THANK YOU LOVE YOUR WORK, YOU ARE WONDERWOMAN #mafs #mafsau
— Swal (@swalji1) February 12, 2023
Alessandra didn’t come here to fuck spiders #MAFS #MAFSAU
— MXYZ (@MXYZ_) February 12, 2023
I do love when Alessandra tells them off because men like Harrison underestimate her intelligence and experience. #MAFS #MAFSAU
— Isobel Ardent (@isobelardent) February 12, 2023
everyone calling out Harrison is so nice to hear #mafs #mafsau
— hi (@ladiesb1rd) February 12, 2023
https://twitter.com/luvmewho/status/1624698308005593088
We whizzed through the other couples on the Ouch Couch and when John started schooling Shannon for rooting his ex-fiancée a week before MAFS started, he gave Harrison a shoutout for his dogshit behaviour.
But rather than taking it on, Harrison told John it was “bullshit”. I actually guffawed. I screamed. The good people of Twitter were equally as shook.
HARRISON SHUT UP #mafs #mafsau
— cailin 🥀 (@strrysatellite) February 12, 2023
Harrison is about to make John fucking MADDDD #mafs #mafsau
— Ira Snave (@IraSnave) February 12, 2023
of course Harrison has to speak up again #MAFSAU
— alyssia 🇦🇺 (@quietloner9999) February 12, 2023
Only thing Harrison is committed to is digging his own grave #MAFSAU
— Joey Nicita ☀️ (@JoeyNicita) February 12, 2023
Oh Harrison’s popping off again! And he just got served by John #mafs #mafsau pic.twitter.com/bjg5c5Drfv
— Bec (@misscynic) February 12, 2023
Harrison just shut up #MAFSAU pic.twitter.com/m8Dia4UZnb
— T (@TeaganKayla) February 12, 2023
The man’s brain needs to be studied like an animal at the zoo but that would be a waste of scientist’s time and resources, wouldn’t it? I’m sure he’ll be normal this week, which is Intimacy Week. Yay!!!
If you want to catch up on the rest of the chaos that went down at tonight’s Commitment Ceremony, you can read our yummy recap here.
If you’re still chomping at the bit for MAFS-related gossip, you can sign up to our newsletter here or give our podcast We’ve Done The MAFS (hehe) a listen.