Married At First Sight Australia is upon us and it was, in essence, lots of people from Perth getting “married” on national television. We laughed, we cried (seriously, there were some extremely beautiful and heartwarming moments) and we screamed from the truly chaotic levels of wedding-related drama we witnessed.
Let’s unpack the internet’s thoughts and feelings about the season premiere, shall we?
First off, we met Lyndall who is a sweetie pie, nay honey bun. She said she was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis when she was three weeks old and thought she was only going to live to 32 years of age. That was until she started taking a new drug which added 40 years to her life expectancy.
Yes, I started crying. I am going out tonight and will have to re-apply my makeup because my foundation has been sullied by tear streaks.
Anyway! The internet agreed MAFS must protect sweet angel Lyndall at all costs and simply cannae pair her with a douchebag.
#mafs PLEASE don’t give Lyndall a fuckwit 🙏
— ⓣⓡⓞⓘⓑⓞⓘ (@Troiboi) January 30, 2023
PLEASE don’t do lyndall dirty experts she deserves the best fr #MAFS
— tamsyn ♡ (@tamsynkelly_) January 30, 2023
immediate thoughts are that if they do lyndall dirty i’m actually going to raid channel nine headquarters #MAFS
— alysha is playing totk (@venomhaven) January 30, 2023
I’m telling you if they stitch up this woman I will be in the front row of the riot. #MAFSAU
— Eliza Barr (@ElizaJBarr) January 30, 2023
Me protecting Lyndal from any f-bois that the producers try and throw at her. #MAFS #MAFSAU pic.twitter.com/VWf0iKJnxK
— so tired (Taylor’s Version) (@pjk27779) January 30, 2023
We then met Mummy Melissa who quickly established herself as the resident horn dog. She’s an icon, she’s a legend and she is the moment.
She was literally like, “I’m not a regular Mum … I’m a cool Mum!” à la Regina George’s mother in Mean Girls and just kept banging on about rooting. Literally every single conversation was about how obsessed she is with fucking and sucking young nubile men.
Twitter loved her and her rampant freak in the sheets energy. As they should.
#MAFS #MAFSAU pic.twitter.com/TTm14NHnxP
— beatingdrums (@beatingdrums) January 30, 2023
obsessed with horny mum Melissa already, she will make EVERYTHING about sex, I cannot wait #MAFS
— Tahlia Pritchard (@Tahls) January 30, 2023
Melissa is a hornbag #mafs pic.twitter.com/t2bsDqp6fh
— Pantly (@the_fanta_sea) January 30, 2023
Did not expect a horny 41 year old to start the show #mafs #mafsau pic.twitter.com/PNdD1KppO7
— big neck bec (@beggywilliamz) January 30, 2023
FREAK IN THE SHEETS #MAFS #MAFSAUS pic.twitter.com/IDLuJXIQ0K
— Justin Kelly (@rozza1001) January 30, 2023
Go Mel ❤️ #MAFS
— Esther Lanham (@esther_lanham) January 30, 2023
Melissa is ready and rearing to go friends! What a vibe #MAFSAU
— – rhi – (@rhingthebell) January 30, 2023
Mel is giving very much “he touched me in nooks and in unexplored crannies I never knew I had” #MAFS #MAFSAU pic.twitter.com/kDwDCLvIgG
— Sarah (@hellosarah__) January 30, 2023
Someone on Twitter also said she sounded like *that* Mum at a picnic announcing the clown was on their way and I lost it. Divine words, Twitter user @tk_bulba.
Omg Mel sounds like a mum at a picnic announcing that the clown is coming #MAFS #MAFSAU #MAFSAUS #MAFSAustralia
— TK (@tk_bulba) January 30, 2023
I wish this entire show was dedicated to Melissa but, alas, we must meet our couples. Sad.
The internet was thanking its lucky stars that Lyndall was paired with a bloke called Cameron who appears to be truly lovely. We are truly rooting for them.
I am loving Lyndal and Cameron #MAFSAU #MAFS
— Peter Kay (@peter__kay) January 30, 2023
no like i know that they haven’t even met yet but i already have so much hope for them #MAFS #MAFSAU
— alysha is playing totk (@venomhaven) January 30, 2023
We then met Harrison, a man who I cannot share my true opinions about lest it be considered libel.
The internet’s reaction to Harrison explains it all, really. ‘Nuff said.
there is a harrison on every season i’m over it #mafsau
— logan 🦋 (@oktaeh) January 30, 2023
No one will love Harrison as much as Harrison loves Harrison. #mafs #mafsau
— Nez (@fraggle73) January 30, 2023
Ummm this guy has tickets on himself #MAFS
— Trav (@mrthill80) January 30, 2023
Harrison’s one of those ‘I JUST TELL IT LIKE IT IS’ kinda guys, isn’t he? 🙄 #MAFS pic.twitter.com/WQ9sCe54xy
— seapunk aesthete 💮 (@artpunkamor) January 30, 2023
I’m pretty close to just tuning out whenever Harrison is on the show, can’t wait for him to blame the edit #mafs #mafsau
— Alex (@Murr_Wurr) January 30, 2023
Yeah you don’t fool me Harrison #MAFS #MAFSAU pic.twitter.com/i5O9F5lw1N
— 𝐃𝐲𝐥𝐚𝐧 𝐌𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐰𝐬 (@DylanMatthews91) January 30, 2023
MOVING ON. Time for some positive energy. We had our first wedding of MAFS 2023, which was between noted lovely humans Lyndall and Cameron.
Twitter was screaming, crying and throwing up in the most beautiful way possible at their union. Cam’s smile! Lyndall’s positivity! Their adorable chemistry! What more could we want?
These two will be cute together! They better not let me down #MAFS
— ❁ j u b e l ❁ (@greengumtree) January 30, 2023
AHH they’re gonna be such a good match🥹 #mafs
— cailin 🥀 (@strrysatellite) January 30, 2023
Omg Cam is adorable #MAFS
— Jane Beaumont💚🤍💜 (@janebeet) January 30, 2023
We’re all rooting for you Lyndall!!!! #mafs #mafsau
— Ira Snave (@IraSnave) January 30, 2023
If anyone fucks with Lyndall this season I will literally write to parliament #MAFSAU #MAFS #MarriedAtFirstSight
— dr mimi petrakis 🦇 (@MimiPetrakis) January 30, 2023
Genuinely worried for all of us if Lyndal and Cameron don’t instantly fall in love #MAFS #MAFSAU pic.twitter.com/g6KEKjOfCa
— ✨ (@djpisces__) January 30, 2023
That smile from Cam. Melting.#mafs #mafsau
— Hayley Down (@hayleyjdown) January 30, 2023
LYNDALL AND CAMERON ARE ALREADY SO CUTE #MAFS
— tamsyn ♡ (@tamsynkelly_) January 30, 2023
I hope this couple is the next cam and jules #MAFS
— kittycat (@kittycatdani) January 30, 2023
Gosh this is bloody cute… Lyndall and Cam, what a couple #mafs #mafsau
— Tom Tobias (@TomSydney4) January 30, 2023
The next couple to tie the knot were Harrison and Bronte. Twitter was not hopeful about their nuptials, for reasons which will soon become glaringly obvious.
So excited for the absolute dumpster fire that will be Harrison and Bronte #mafs
— God’s Siwwiest Boi (@TheEvansMitch) January 30, 2023
Bronte & Harrison’s wedding #MAFS #MAFSAU pic.twitter.com/lhXXbRp5vu
— so tired (Taylor’s Version) (@pjk27779) January 30, 2023
The internet was also in awe at the sheer amount of cologne the bloke sprayed on his Politix suit before he walked down the aisle. Now, I’m a fragrance girly — I love nothing more than being able to smell my own Diptyque.
But he was reaching flammable levels. Folks were scared he was about to spontaneously combust mid-ceremony.
TOO MUCH PERFUME!!!!!#MAFS
— Fearz.eth (@seemasvarma) January 30, 2023
Easy on the Lynx, old mate. #MAFS
— Carrie Hutchinson (@OzCopyGirl) January 30, 2023
https://twitter.com/Dean_Machine_/status/1619993312760578049
https://twitter.com/JamesBingTheO/status/1619993323162472449
Don’t go near any open flames with all that cologne Harrison! #mafs #mafsau
— Megan rhymes w/vegan (@va5el1ne) January 30, 2023
if i went anywhere within a kilometre of harrison i would have an immediate asthma attack thanks to the nineteen sprays of cologne he just put on #mafs #mafsau
— luci (@llluci) January 30, 2023
maybe you wouldn’t sneeze after putting on cologne if you didn’t drown yourself in it you dickhead #MAFS #MAFS
— alysha is playing totk (@venomhaven) January 30, 2023
JESUS FUCK STOP WITH THE COLOGNE #MAFS
— Jane Beaumont💚🤍💜 (@janebeet) January 30, 2023
Omg stop spraying #mafs pic.twitter.com/59hp90MFcw
— Frank’s mum (@therealmrsnash) January 30, 2023
In truly jaw-dropping news, Bronte somehow didn’t have an asthma attack during the wedding ceremony. Her nostrils are far stronger than mine.
Everything was fine and normal and boring until a lass in a dashing pink dress announced she had tea about Harrison … and she had PROOF. The drama! The intrigue! The internet was chomping at the bit for it.
Omg receipts from the bridesmaid is this a real housewives reunion?? I am obsessed #MAFSAU #MAFS #MarriedAtFirstSight
— dr mimi petrakis 🦇 (@MimiPetrakis) January 30, 2023
https://twitter.com/caadiiska_dhig/status/1619996566718394376
https://twitter.com/pocketmaz/status/1619996602013458434
https://twitter.com/heungminnie/status/1619996601413693440
Proof? Give it to me!#MAFS #MAFSAU pic.twitter.com/r6K3SxeArD
— 𝐃𝐲𝐥𝐚𝐧 𝐌𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐰𝐬 (@DylanMatthews91) January 30, 2023
But obviously, we didn’t get to find out what the aforementioned tea was because the kind producers decided to bless us with a delightful palate cleanser in Lyndall and Cameron.
The people, however, were not there for it. They wanted mysterious pink dress woman, and they wanted her NOW. I’m so sorry Lyndall and Cameron.
Yes yes Lyndall and Cameron true love take me back to the bin fire #MAFSAU #MAFS #MarriedAtFirstSight
— dr mimi petrakis 🦇 (@MimiPetrakis) January 30, 2023
https://twitter.com/Dean_Machine_/status/1619997972896550912
Like Lyndall and Cameron seem great but can we get back to ominous close up girl already. #MAFS #MAFSAustralia #MAFSAU #MAFSAUS
— Jacqui Fogarty (@Jacq_Fogarty) January 30, 2023
Come onnnnnn ! We need the tea !! #Mafs #MafsAU pic.twitter.com/rFbdjWvQ8F
— Taryn 🥳 (@TarynAnne5) January 30, 2023
AND THEN WE GOT THE SCARY JAWS MUSIC. FINALLY. People were shaking about the bomb the pink-dressed assassin dropped, which was basically that Harrison was canoodling with a 20-year-old lass mere DAYS before going on MAFS.
It was a fucking mess and Twitter was ablaze, not unlike Haz’s polyester suit after it came into contact with a rogue candle.
THE MUSIC SKSJDB #mafs
— cailin 🥀 (@strrysatellite) January 30, 2023
OMG BOMBSHELL #MAFS #MAFSAustralia
— Algorithm 🖤🤌🏻 (@Sammyoverandout) January 30, 2023
STOP LMAOOOOOOOO THIS IS A MESSSSSS #MAFS pic.twitter.com/ebu8DHGPld
— Hypothetical Tweets 🇱🇧🇦🇺💪🏽 (@claremaree) January 30, 2023
HELP #MAFS
— emma cooper εїз (@emmaangelx) January 30, 2023
oh… my god that is even worse than i imagined #MAFS #MAFSAU
— alysha is playing totk (@venomhaven) January 30, 2023
OH SHE CAME WITH THE RECIEPTS #mafs
— cailin 🥀 (@strrysatellite) January 30, 2023
https://twitter.com/lizzaiii/status/1620002423208284161
im fucking crying jess knowing EVERYTHING???? #MAFS
— emma cooper εїз (@emmaangelx) January 30, 2023
Omg this girl is a pro, she is giving her everything with the receipts… I love it!! #MAFS #MarriedAtFirstSight pic.twitter.com/1w7z9wbx65
— K🌠⚡ (@Katheandr) January 30, 2023
#MAFS dropping the Harrison tea in episode one is proof that sometimes god gives with two hands. #MAFSAustralia
— champagnemaame ✨ (@jeannnTFT) January 30, 2023
Pink dress has got the receipts! #MAFS #MAFSAU
— Elsie (@elsielou77) January 30, 2023
The real queen tbh #mafs #mafsau pic.twitter.com/zcuFCC0Gmc
— big neck bec (@beggywilliamz) January 30, 2023
Bronte marched over to Harrison and took him by the lapels of his Politix suit and Twitter was fucking gagging for it. What did we do to deserve such delectable drama right from the get go? Truly tasty.
Yes, we all love the first couple, but let’s not pretend that we’re not all here for this juicy drama, secret girlfriends already, hell yeah. #MAFS #MAFSAU pic.twitter.com/xdqOZ683qU
— KellBell (@_motherofcorgis) January 30, 2023
Standing ovation to the 2023 producers for giving us HOT HOT TEA on the first night pic.twitter.com/9cuHZWsuYd
— TV 🦄🍄Junkie (@ammestar) January 30, 2023
I expected a train wreck but I didn’t think it’d happen before the train left the station.#MAFS
— Samuel Lockhart (@LloydGSR) January 30, 2023
FUCK HIM UP BRONTE #MAFS
— Hypothetical Tweets 🇱🇧🇦🇺💪🏽 (@claremaree) January 30, 2023
Harrison !! Busted. Disgusted. Never to be trusted ! #MAFS pic.twitter.com/RyIRrKFqtp
— Alexie the great (@lexialexi12) January 30, 2023
OH SHIT HIS FACE LMAO #MAFS
— cailin 🥀 (@strrysatellite) January 30, 2023
Bronte’s sister Kirra was spewing at the root rat revelations and she quickly became the MVP of the show. Get his ass, babe!
OMG I LOVE Bronte’s sister. #MAFS
— LizzieBee / aus.social/@lizziebee (@caitlen) January 30, 2023
https://twitter.com/paperwhite111/status/1620006774911963136
https://twitter.com/waa_ayan/status/1620006799616413702
Bronte’s support network is slay tho #mafs #mafsau
— Shakira Holmes 🍂🧋 (@roseetea) January 30, 2023
give brontes sister her own show tbh #MAFS
— 🧡 (@feelinuptight) January 30, 2023
Kirra absolutely ready to fuckin rage on Harrison #mafs #mafsau pic.twitter.com/yF721WAjFB
— big neck bec (@beggywilliamz) January 30, 2023
And that was that. Wasn’t that an incredible amount of drama to drop in the season premiere of MAFS? I don’t know about you, but I’ll be joining Twitter user Bea for a wee bit of rest and recovery after that mess.
im gonna need to recover for at least 5-10 business days after that premiere episode and prepare for the season ahead #MAFS
— bea | waiting for international dates ✨ (@behindxthemall) January 30, 2023
Until tomorrow, friends. If you’d like a full rundown on the shitshow which transpired tonight, you can read our gorgeous recap here.
