Bronte and Harrison, despite making it clear at last week’s MAFS dinner party that their relationship was kaput, have decided to stay on the show and [EXTENDED FART NOISE].

I am not OK. The internet is not OK. Lyndall and Claire are not OK.

The alleged couple’s time on the Ouch Couch started with Bronte declaring that although Harrison treats her like shit, she is still falling for him. Cue MAFS fans across the nation screaming in unison.

Harrison had the gall, the audacity and the gumption to announce he has never manipulated Bronte and [SECOND EXTENDED FART NOISE].

He also said she would have to redeem herself and regain his trust. Mouths in the room were agape. MAFS expert Alessandra Rampolla looked like she had just watched the man do a steaming hot poo on the rug, and folks were gagging for it. More facial expressions! MORE!

People were also collectively banging their heads against the biggest brick wall ever because Bronte and Harrison … just refused to stop spinning the most bonkers web of lies?

Like, are they on Planet Zebulon? Do they have a different source of oxygen from us which completely rewires their brain chemistry?

All jokes aside, it’s glaringly obvious how manipulative and narcissistic Harrison is and how fucking abysmally he treats Bronte. He has isolated her from the rest of the group, planted seeds of doubt in her mind and all but demolished her confidence, and it’s honestly hard to watch at this point.

How many more times can we see Harrison act like a [REDACTED] and be scolded for it, only for nothing to change? He literally dumped Bronte via text last week and she left mid-dinner party in tears, yet they both wrote stay.

Their relationship is fake as that goddamn butt dial. Folks don’t know how much longer they can tolerate seeing them on MAFS.

MAFS fans honestly think Bronte and Harrison are just sticking around for more screen time and something that rhymes with “minstagram monsorship”, which is fucking depressing TBH.

Somehow I doubt things are going to get better considering our guinea pigs will be participating in a couple swap. Bronte and Layton will be together and Melinda will be shacking up with Harrison, which all sounds great and normal.

Before we delve into that fuckery, make sure you catch up on tonight’s episode with our gorgy little MAFS recap.

If you’re still chomping at the bit for MAFS-related gossip, you can sign up to our newsletter here or give our podcast We’ve Done The MAFS (hehe) a listen.

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Image: Married At First Sight / Channel 9