Mates, I’ve been reviewing sex toys for you horny buggers for a little over three years now, and until this very moment, I thought I’d tried it all. Sure, sexual wellness brands bring out new, slightly different iterations of famous sex toy styles all the time, but over the last few years, there hasn’t really been anything that I’ve really looked at and thought, “fuuuuucken, GIMMIE” until Womanizer reached out to see if I wanted to be among the first to test out the new ‘Wave’ shower head sex toy.
Of course, I said, “Yes, here’s my address — I’ll call a plumber and have all my shower heads changed this arvo.” Just kidding, I called up my boyfriend and told him the nirvana I was about to uncover, and he happily volunteered his shower as tribute. You better believe if all goes well, I will be calling that plumber, though.
Anyway, before I give you a full blow-by-blow of how I actually think I saw the face of fkn God, allow me to answer a few burning questions I know y’all are gonna have about the Wave.
Will people be able to tell my new shower head is actually a sex toy?
Nup, if you didn’t know it was a sex toy, you wouldn’t know it was a sex toy — it’s not like it’s some massive vibrating peen. It might just be the most discreet sex toy I own (and that’s saying something). Just look at its very ~asethetic~ design.
How does the Womanizer Wave work?
I’m glad you asked. This little maz machine has three types of pleasure jets that have been created for both mazzing and general shower use. You’ve got the Pleasure Jet, which is a constant stream of rhythmic stimulation. My personal favourite is the Pleasure Whirl which is a little swirly stream that keeps things spicy. And finally, you’ve got the Powder Rain (my boyfriend’s favourite), which is a gentle, mist-like rain.
You control everything from the stream to the intensity using the slider button on the shaft of the shower head, which you conveniently only need one hand for. And speaking from experience, you’ll need to brace yourself with your other hand just to keep yourself upright while mazzing with this baddie.
Does the water go up your vag?
This one is a strong no from me. I mean, it probably will if you angle it and force it there, but we’re going for more clitoral action here. So focus the stream around the hood and clitoris rather than the opening of the vagina.
Also, if you’re worried about hygiene (as you should be with all sex toys), the shower head shouldn’t actually come into contact with your vulva — trust me, the jets don’t need to be kissing your vulva to work.
What’s it like to masturbate with?
I won’t lie to you, I’ve used a shower head or two before to masturbate and never really found it to be any better than a vibrator. It was more so that I just did it out of curiosity. So when it came to testing out this little maz machine, I didn’t really know how to position myself, or it, at the start.
I figured it couldn’t hurt to hold onto the shower wall just in case I needed to brace for impact, so I grabbed the top of the glass shower screen. I initially started by moving the shower head in a similar motion as I would my vibrator, only without placing it directly on my clit. But that wasn’t really doing it for me, so I just positioned the shower head close-ish to my clit and move my body rather than moving the shower head.
As with all new sex toys, it’s best to start slow and steady, so I opted for the Powder Rain. It was nice, but it wasn’t going to get me anywhere anytime soon, so I quickly escalated to the Pleasure Jet. Well, fuck me! That lasted all of 20 seconds before my knees buckled, and I was left standing there with my jaw on the floor, wondering if my boyfriend’s neighbours heard my morning maz.
I literally stood there for a moment, just looking at the shower head in disbelief at what had just happened. I’m not really a shower girlie when it comes to sexual escapades — but after the Wave, consider me converted.
Overall, am I glad my shower head now doubles as a sex toy? Fuck yeah! My everything showers now include a good mazzing, and it truly is an everything shower now.
Can you use it with a partner?
Yep, tbh my boyfriend and I had a regular shower with the Womanizer Wave first just to play with all the settings and explore how to handle the shower head. It made for a fkn hilarious experience, but definitely not foreplay because we were too busy squirting each other with all the different settings. But it was a nice way to warm up to the shower head before actually using it for its intended purposes.
I’d say it’s probably more of a solo mission, but if you and your partner are into a little mutual masturbation or wanna spice things up before having a little shower sex, I HIGHLY recommend it. Although, I can’t imagine too many partners willing to stand in the cold while you maz, so you might need to get them a little more involved.
How easy is it to install?
Super easy, if you have a handset shower head, you literally just unscrew your old one and pop in the sexy one.
Will this make me an asshole to the environment with all the water usage that’s about to happen?
Surprisingly, no. The Womanizer Wave’s EcoSmart technology also allows for a 60% reduction in water consumption compared to traditional products, so you shouldn’t rack up some insane water bill.
Where can you get one of these magical maz machines?
They dropped on Lovehoney today and retail for $179 — which is cheap when you think about the fact that you’re also getting a deluxe shower head and a sex toy in one.
Psst, it also gives a fkn good head massage of the regular variety if you can swindle your partner into giving you one of those.
You can buy the Womanizer Wave here.
Image Credit: Easy A