We Asked Aussies To Share Their Heaven & Hell Dating Stories From Satan’s Fave App Tinder

tinder horror stories dating stories

It’s been ten years of Tinder and depending on who you are, that could mean ten years of dating heaven or hell. We decided to gather a myriad of horror stories and success stories to celebrate a whole decade of the white flame app.

Buckle up friends because we have some batshit stories and beautiful tear-jerkers coming your way.

I thought it would only be fair that I shared my own Tinder horror story before embarrassing a bunch of random Aussies on the internet. So, here goes:

Michael, 24

I matched with this guy on Tinder and we agreed to go to a park near his house for a picnic. This took me a train and a bus to get there because it was so far.

He was gonna pick me up in his car at the station but I had to use the bathroom first. Of course, the tap was broken and doused me movie-style. My light blue jeans looked like I pissed myself. This isn’t even the worst part of the date.

So we head to the park, him with all the picnic goods and me with my Pollock piss painting jeans.

He tells me to divide the chocolate brownies for him because he has a phobia of sticky things. I start giggling because I had the mind of a twelve-year-old and immediately thought of jizz. He then goes “yeah, that too” and I can’t stop visualising him screaming while cumming.

We then proceed to eat strawberries in slow motion because this was in the needles-in-strawberries era and he wanted to be cautious.

He then takes me to see the geese by the water and I say “let’s take a gander” because again, mind of a twelve-year-old. He stops in his tracks to tell me how he absolutely hates puns. It was then I knew it wouldn’t work.

While we’re looking at the geese, however, he asks me very seriously if I can make a chicken sound. I was confused. There were no chickens around? But he seemed serious. He wouldn’t stop staring at me.

And so I complied. “Bok bok bok?” I say. He nods his head. He seems pleased.

“You know, I hate kids. I never want any,” he says. I got out of there as soon as I could.

bad tinder date

Alright, enough about my Tinder trauma.

Here is a bunch of successes and close encounters with the irredeemably odd submitted to us by some lovely folks online.

Steph, 32

A few years ago I went on a date with this guy I met on Tinder who seemed nice enough from our brief chat. He was also super hot so I was keen to meet him.

The date was like something out of a sitcom. He was super late and waltzed into the bar like he owned it, then proceeded to talk at me for what felt like hours. After a couple of margs though, things became super odd.

He began complaining that he could have been a major model but the gay mafia got in his way, he told me he could see auras (but that he just couldn’t see mine at that moment), he tried to explain that the earth is flat and he told me I needed to ride a bike more often if I wanted a better ass.

To this day I don’t know if he was taking the piss or not, but it was one of those moments where you leave your body and look down at the scene playing out and think, this is fucked, but it’s an excellent story for later.

dating on tinder

Sarah, 25

We matched in December 2018. Spoke on the phone from 8pm until sunrise every day for a week, then met up in person and the rest is history.

He’s met my grandparents and we’re planning to get married.

Alice, 24

I had a guy from Tinder once crash drinks I was having with a friend at a nightclub — not only was it awkward as fuck but he told me I remind him of his dad. Not once, not twice but THREE times.

Emma, 24

Every day I pray to the Tinder Gods to thank them for my ridiculously hot girlfriend. She’s very soft and overwhelmingly good at everything.

I spent two hours wanting to kiss her on our first date. I talked so much that she asked me “If I kiss you will you shut up?”

She knows everything and knew I wanted to kiss her but I’m a shy mofo.

J, 25

I went on two dates with a man who helped me move from the Gold Coast to Brisbane, which was four round trips of like three hours each and then I never saw him again.

I feel like it’s a success story for me and a horror story for him. Best of both worlds.

tinder moving house

Rhian, 23

Don’t know if this is a horror story but one time I was talking to two boys on Tinder and it turned out they were exes (now friends). They both realised they were meant to be going on a date with me later that week SO they decided to take me out on a three-person date which to my surprise, did NOT end in a threeway.

Ended up dating one of them for a year and a half so I guess it ended well!

Aleks, 28

I heard from a friend of mine that one of his mates invited a girl from Tinder home but he didn’t have much stuff at the time — like zero things in his apartment. The next morning he woke to find her and the *only thing* he had in his fridge — a bottle of hot sauce — both gone.

Heitor, 30

I met my husband on Tinder and it’s a gorgeous story. We first matched in April 2014 but he stopped replying to me after a few messages. I deleted Tinder but downloaded it again in November.

We matched again in November 2014, went on our first date that very day and have been together since then (almost eight years and married for almost three).

But one of my funniest Tinder stories happened shortly after I moved to Australia. I matched with a guy that lived in Turramurra and I was a silly twink and thought that was the same as Tamarama, which was right around the corner from me.

So I accepted going on a date and only realised where he lived once I put the address into Google Maps (I didn’t know about Uber at the time).

I was too embarrassed to confess my ignorance of Australian suburbs and cancel the hookup so I said I was running late and spent over an hour and 30 minutes on buses and trains for that D appointment.

After the hookup he asked if I wanted to sleep at his place and I accepted because I could not deal with the buses and trains to go back home that late at night.

tinder google maps

Shanice, 23

My partner and I met on Tinder! We’ve been together for four and a half years and just got engaged!

Honestly, it was wild that I met my best friend in a man who was supposed to be a one-night stand.

On our second date, we got matching tattoos and joked about all the shitty tinder dates we’d had before we met.

Kathleen, 23

While Tinder gets a bad wrap — honestly, deservedly — I have to give it credit for at least one thing: my girlfriend Em.

We matched on Tinder during the Sydney lockdown, the power of the app’s geographic radius somehow uniting us from the Sutherland Shire to the Inner West. Love knows no distance I guess!

I don’t know whether Em and I would’ve met without Tinder. I like to think we would’ve because you know, fate etc etc. But we live in different places, we work in completely different fields and our social circles don’t overlap. Thanks to Tinder though, we kept talking on and off in lockdown and when restrictions finally eased, got a drink in the lofty queer haven of King Street, Newtown.

We’ve been together ever since. And in a slightly funnier twist of fate, a few months into dating Em revealed a fun fact. It turns out we’d actually matched on Hinge about eight months before we went on our first date. Nothing ever happened between us via Hinge — so I guess I have to credit that special Tinder magic after all.

tinder lesbians

Mary, 39

I was married for 11 years before and had no idea the dating scene was digital after my marriage ended. I’m an old-school go clubbing and hook-up kinda gal.

My work colleagues (who are much younger) told me I had to use Tinder as nobody dates like that anymore. There were a few shockers and some really alone people but I met my man on there and I’m happy to say I’m glad I swiped.