Not to be a Debbie Downer but if there’s one thing I despise with my entire being, it’s inappropriate wedding speeches. No one needs to know about your lads’ trip to Las Vegas in 2014 where you passed out in a strip club and then you were arrested for pissing in a fountain! Not my circus, not my monkeys! Well, one Scottish groom decided to pop his ringmaster hat on and embarrass the bride by telling everyone about the wild way they met.
It all went down in a TikTok posted by the Ian and Katie Young‘s wedding videographer Knoxland Films.
@knoxlandfilms Groom reveals shocking scandal on bride during toasts! #weddings #weddingspeech #groomspeech #weddingscandal #weddingtiktok #wedding #shock ♬ Beat Automotivo Tan Tan Tan Viral – WZ Beat
“Now that I’ve said my thank yous to my beautiful wife, I do feel that Katie and I actually need to be a little bit more honest with you both,” Ian began.
There is absolutely time to not go any further, babe. You can steer this one back to safety.
“Today during the ceremony, David the celebrant mentioned that we met for the first time at the cricket club, got chatting and shared a kiss later that night,” he continued.
“Whilst that is true, we left out a few bits along the way, and I feel that I really need to fill in the blanks for you right now.”
Once again: literally no one is stopping you from shutting up. Katie is a much stronger woman than I because I would’ve lunged across the table and tackled my brand spanking new husband to the ground at this point.
Guests are going “ooooh!”, the bride looks like she’s about to crap her dacks and one guest is pulling the same face I make when a stranger starts making rogue conversation on the train.
“So, yes, Katie and I did meet at the cricket club and we did have a chat, Katie doing most of the speaking,” Ian continued.
“The night went on —Katie talking at me, nodding, laughing along with her jokes, and then we went on to Òran Mór and Katie and I went outside for a little chat.
“And that’s where we shared our first kiss.”
Let the record show this is Katie’s face at this point. Poor lass is probably planning how she can get an annulment.
Ian said he apologised to Katie for his lack of chat which, let’s be honest, is actually quite valid of him, and then she asked for his number.
She literally denied this, to which Ian replied: “Bit thirsty if you ask me”.
The sheer balls this man has to carry on like a pork chop at his own nuptials. Pipe down Jerry Seinfeld.
Ian continued his long-ass story by saying he didn’t take Katie’s number for some reason and went to grab some drinks for them from the bar.
“I went back outside to give her the drinks only to find her snogging another guy,” he said.
“Having spent some time with Jen and Katie together, I realised this is a fairly common occurrence for Katie.”
Katie is shielding her face with her hands at this point. She’s making eye contact with someone across the table, possibly Jen, trying to communicate telepathically to seek help in divorcing her husband.
Ian said he downed the drinks, hit the dance floor and let her carry on pashing the other bloke.
“Still to this day, I’m pretty nervous to go to the bar and leave her unattended,” he said.
Good God man, shut up. Stop talking!
Folks sounded off in the comments sharing this same sentiment.
“Imagine sleeping on the couch on your wedding night 🤣🤣,” one said. Tea!
“Imagine filing for divorce during the reception never a good idea to embarrass the partner at the wedding,” commented another. I’ve been saying this.
Other people took the opportunity to celebrate how stoonin’ Katie looked.
“She looks sooooo beautiful and radiant. Her dress is lovely!” said one person. It’s true! She looked gorgina.
“I can’t get over how beautiful the bride looks! 😍 Great story!” commented a second. Agree with the first part, not the second.
Look, I truly wish the happy couple all the best. Maybe I’m just a 26-year-old gal with the mind of a Boomer, but I simply will never be able to inhabit the mind of anyone who goes gung ho in a wedding speech that could possibly embarrass, like, your new wife. Sue me!