Everyone’s recovering from the MAFS dinner party, and, like me, Eden‘s exhausted.
She’s exhausted. I said this twice in case you’re like Jayden and didn’t process it the first time.
Speaking of processing things, Jack‘s outfit this morning is going to take me a while to get my head around.
That’s a beautiful bib he’s wearing.
Jack has seemingly watched 10 Things I Hate About You overnight and thinks a poem will be a great way to get Tori to say stunning things about him and his wardrobe choices at the MAFS Commitment Ceremony.
He whips out his notes app and starts rattling off the things he loves about Tori and I guess sexy time will be notably absent from the ditty.
He says he loves he way she makes his bed and puts a grin on his head, before rattling off a few more lines that only a Grade Fiver could compete with.
All I can think about right now is the cameramen holding it in while listening to this.
Over in another Skye Suites apartment, Lucinda expresses to Timothy that she felt very uncomfortable at last night’s MAFS dinner party. “Did ya?” he asks, as if that should be a surprise.
“Yes,” she reiterates.
Timothy knows he is hard work but wants Lucinda to “do the time”, which is an interesting choice of words. If the handcuffs fit, I guess.
She thinks they’re the weakest link in this experiment and is in “deep assessment” because Timothy is not sexually attracted to her.
Tim and Sara have been staying separately since the dinner party blowout, which is a good thing because Tim can now iron topless in peace.
Tim thinks he and Sara are like Romeo and Juliet and he’s very gestural, isn’t he?
He’s concerned someone will die at the end of their love story and 11 seasons into this show, I’m not writing anything off. (This is a joke. this is sarcasm.)
Alright, time for the Ouch Couch.
Ellie and Ben are up first and considering it was MAFS expert Alessandra Rampolla who promised torture, John Aiken sure is doing a lot of the heavy lifting.
John tells Ben that he can’t really want to be with Ellie if he’s giving her crap, asking if he really wants to be here in this experiment at all.
He hesitates which is already a shit sign, but then assures everyone that he’s in this 100% and sees a future with Ellie.
Apparently it was just the pressure of this whole thing, so John decides to be petty and ask the room who else feels pressure.
Andrea jumps in to say she gets the vibe that Ben’s insecure and that’s why he’s bringing Ellie down.
It’s decision time and wow, just when you thought you’d seen every iteration of words and smileys to accompany the choice on these cards, Ben whips this shit out of the bag.
Jack and Tori are next to talk about their week of genital cupping and Wild Secrets boxes that I would definitely be using, if I were Tori.
Jack proceeds to tell the MAFS experts that Timothy gave his wife “a bit of a rub up last night.”
They say shit like “she’s a babe” and “he’s the perfect about of dominant” and something about the weather forecast before both choosing to stay.
“Good luck to your six-month relationship” Timothy says, to producers but not to the couple’s face.
It’s time for him and Lucinda actually, with our beautiful Byron babe telling everyone she was humiliated last night.
Lucinda asks Timothy what he wants to be protecting in his frequency, which I believe to mean “Do you really want to be putting such shit vibes out into the world?”
She does not want to “traverse” or “journey” with someone who’s “so up you to the world”. It’s not her jam and she doesn’t stand by it.
Lucinda starts rattling off all the things she’s looking down the barrel of if she ends up with Timothy, including doing housework while he watches TV and kissing unbrushed teeth at night.
“A lot of it is a misalignment for me,” Lucinda explains and yeah, these two couldn’t be more opposite.
Timothy says he’s a disaster with more baggage than Qantas.
“Lucinda wants to unpack that [baggage] and I don’t. I want to leave it in the past. And that’s just how I get by,” Timothy explains. Every time I want to hate him he gets vulnerable! I actually have a very soft spot for him.
John wants Timothy to put it all out on the table and Lucinda can hire an excavation truck if need be.
This coming week, she’s demanding effort that’s “hunky and spunky and that’s got it going on” but can’t promise she’ll reciprocate. Love Lucinda standing up for herself.
Her lantern of hope is still around so she does a Dr Seuss stay (I’ll add that to the list of Lucinda things to interpret later). Tim’s staying because he might not have a heart but he has a brain!!!
She’s stoked to tickle to potential and possibility of them.
Cassandra and Tristan are celebrating a hug after dinner last night and fuck, she has the patience of a saint because — no wait I can’t even finish writing that sentence because their screen time is already over.
Wow, tell someone they’re boring without telling them, am I right?
MAFS expert Mel Schilling makes them hug and Tristan says the L-word so flippantly that I’m choosing friend zone for these two. Sue me later!
Eden and Jayden are up and he’s quick to declare that he’s head over heels for her. You know what? I would be head over heels for someone who forgave me for wanting to sleep with my ex-girlfriend‘s best friend while the ex-girlfriend watched, too.
Richard (Dicky) tells everyone how much dicky he’s giving his wife, Andrea, but they’re quickly removed from the couch because love is boring.
Next is Lauren and Jono, a couple with cracks and therefore entertainment value.
Lauren knows she’s giving off a shit vibe to Jono by looking at her phone or looking down. She uses words like “boring” and “too nice” and “robotic” to describe him, which probably makes him feel like shit.
John asks why on earth she would want to make someone feel like faeces.
Lauren realises she’s been given a nice, beautiful man that’s the opposite of all the other fuckheads she’s dated, so decides to be nicer and also to stay. So does Jono.
Last up is Sara and Tim and I have my earplugs ready.
Sara apologises to everyone — not Tim — for “the scene” last night
When Mel points out that the apology would’ve been better directed at Sara’s MAFS husband, she says, “He yelled at me.”
Mel points out that she yelled, pointed and had “alarming” body language, whereas Tim was very controlled, to the point where he finally exploded.
Sara apologises to Tim, but likely only because she was being called out.
Cassandra is one brave woman because she jumps in and asks Tim if he’s scared of Sara.
Sara loses her shit.
But Tim? He says it’s a fair question. “I feel like I’m dimming my energy a bit.”
He admits he is hesitant of creating more issues, which translates to “Yes, I am scared” IMO.
He says he just wants a bit of warmth from Sara this week and for her to make a bit of effort.
Sadly Sara doesn’t have the urge to spend time with him though!
They both write stay, before being peer pressured into hugging one another like they are in Primary School.
In the next episode, we will meet our MAFS intruders and it’s not a moment too soon if you ask me.
Until then you can catch up on my MAFS recaps or follow me on Instagram for more MAFS dribble.
