It’s MAFS 2024 dinner party time so strap yourselves in for this Episode 12 recap. As always, the gloves are arfff (as Tim says it), the forks are out and I put way too much pressure on this night of the week to deliver, don’t I?
Tori bumped into Tin Man Timothy this morning who is still on his quest of… questioning Tori and Jack‘s sexless marriage. She says she will go for his jugular — but her Melburnian way of pronouncing it has thrown me off — and then she takes a dig at Timothy not being articulate.
Everyone else is getting ready for the second MAFS dinner party, including Lucinda who is laying golden eggs from her outfit and Cassandra who looks un-fucking-believable tonight.
Guys, I’m really confused about the pronunciation of Sara‘s name. The narrator says Sare-ah while Tim says… SZA-RAR? Whoever she is, she thinks Tim is too needy.
Ellie and Ben are matching like the fakest happy family you ever did see. I hope they don’t stay together so we don’t have to suffer through their shit matching-PJs Christmas cards.
Everyone’s on their way in, including Tori who said that if having a good time with her MAFS husband is a crime then kill (?) her. Dramatic!
The behemoth 125kg sliding door has opened and it’s officially time for the MAFS dinner party to do its thing. We don’t even have to wait until dinner is served because Tim and Sara are already filling our appetites for DRAMA from the get-go.
He asks Sara is she wants a drink, reluctantly mind you, likely knowing that another hangover and cancelled date is on its way.
Their bickering is saved by the entrance of Lauren, who has probably been just as hungover as Sara this week. Jono is also there.
Tori is excited to go “head to head with an old [fuck/cunt]” AKA Timothy, however, Lucinda would like that same man to enter her court with his balls.
Ellie and Ben arrive in their stupid matching outfits but he clearly feels stupid if he’s not always near her to justify the shade, so follows her around like a fairy floss fart.
This is annoying as Ellie would like to tell Da Galz that they had yet another fight because he asked her whether or not she thinks they’re the right match.
It’s all good now because all men have to do for forgiveness is spend $50 on flowers and a card — perhaps less if you get those yellow min daisy things from Coles.
It takes about one spoonful at dinner for the girls to gang up on Ben, with one of them asking if he and Ellie are sleeping in different rooms.
Ben says that was because he was going to walk out of MAFS altogether because the pressure was too much.
Sara calls bullshit — literally — because Ellie said the reason they were in separate rooms was because Ben said she wasn’t his perfect match.
But now, much like his epiphany of not hating kids, Ben suddenly thinks Ellie is his perfect match. People who think he’s full of shit? Sara, Jayden and… Jono.
Jono is also off Ben after he slightly backtracks on the wanting kids thing, and thinks that Ben is punching.
Ellie is very uncomfortable but clearly no one in this experiment cares about that more than their airtime, so we move onto Timothy who reiterates that Jack’s “into some weird shit”.
Tori approaches Timothy about the comments he made about the validity of her relationship. He tells her it’s just an observation that they’re both “sexual” people yet “it’s not happening”.
Tori bites back by telling Timothy there is no connection between him and Lucinda, and then makes enough yard references to please a Jim’s Mowing employee.
Tim says the friends-to-lovers storyline is a common one in his life, before Lauren jumps in and points out that one of those lovers was 23.
Timothy confirms that he’s been with people from 23 to 53, and who are we to judge? I will say, though, the refusal to rank the MAFS wives the other week makes more sense now considering producers probably also know about this ex.
Lucinda feels humiliated and uncomfortable.
She lets everyone know that she’s still deciding if she even likes Timothy (and made comments about his sugar and television-intake). Translation? Stop making this only about the way he feels.
Andrea saves the day by asking who likes tongue in the ear, probably so she can tell everyone about how much Dicky she got today.
While Cassandra and Tristan are back on track to delivering the love story we so deserve, Tim and Sara are headed for the fiery pits of hell like an episode of Passions circa-’04.
He tells the table that they have different priorities when it comes to the effort they put in the relationship and that he has been portrayed as needy and insecure. And that what’s-her-face cancelled three dates.
Sara (pronunciation TBC) says she’s trying but living with him is a lot.
Cass addresses her as Saar-rar, which is kind of similar to how Tim does, but the horse’s mouth corrects her to Sara, as if it were spelled Sarah. Don’t worry, it confuses me too.
Cassandra tells Sara (pronounced Sarah) she shouldn’t be cancelling so many dates with her husband and should be spending all her time trying with him.
Sara cuts everyone off and gets wildly defensive, like someone who knows they’ve done the wrong thing would.
She reckons the date was a loose plan, but Tim said that he told her she was booked out from 2pm and to wear something nice.
“No you didn’t,” she bites back.
“Yes I did,” Tim throws down.
Like he literally swang a gun hand gesture like he was about to drop a So Fresh mixtape.
Sara fucking hates it, probably for different reasons to the ones I have.
“Don’t you ever fucking yell at me,” Sara… yells.
Tim’s upset that he raised his voice like an accountable king but is still feeling defeated about her continuing to talk over him.
I can’t imagine it will be comfortable for Tim to watch this MAFS episode back, but I reckon it’ll have nothing to do with the volume. Just tell me all his mates aren’t going to reenact that “YES YOU DID” for the next five years to take the piss. It’s very LC on The Hills areas.
The girls go and console Sara, which must be hard to do considering she’s pretty in the wrong here.
Tori says Sara swore, pointed and screamed too, and is basically a shit listener — but to the camera man and definitely not Sara’s face.
Tim goes to apologise to Sara, who just starts talking over him again, throwing her arms around and claiming that Tim is being egged on by Da Boiz to stand up to her.
He tells her he just wants respect and to feel heard. Sounds like a fair request!!!
Can’t wait to see what the MAFS experts have to say about this at the MAFS Commitment Ceremony. See you for the next MAFS recap. In the meantime, you can get extra MAFS dribble over on my Instagram.
P.S. Did literally no one clock Collins and Natalie‘s departure? Lol.
