We’re into the double digits of these bloody Married At First Sight 2024 recaps, friends — buckle in for Episode 11 as fucc week continues to wreak havoc on couples.
Ellie tells Australia she has been mocked by her podcasting husband, Ben. Why did he mock her? Because she believes he is here for the right reasons (which he most definitely is not).
Ellie reckons she’s not here for the airtime and you know what, that checks out. She does have an ex-fiancé who broke up with her on a bender, so perhaps she’s more here to piss him off than to get new followers or start a podcast?
Jayden and Eden are doing a sexy photoshoot. Eden says he loves getting his kit off and with abs like those, I do not doubt it.
Andrea tells Dicky that she’s into filming sex and also biting. I fuck with MAFS producers showing a mature couple being sexually active because there’s such a stigma around it when, at the end of the day, they’ve still got functioning genitals and needs.
Lauren and Jono are recovering from their argument about god knows what with a melted hug. Jono has been warned to not crack a fat.
Tori and Jack are cupping each other’s naughty parts and Tori’s never been more keen to root this man like a rabbit. Which is weird if you think about it.
Meanwhile, Sara and Tim are staring at one another and Tim is trying to communicate through the eyes because when he tries to do it through his mouth, he gets interrupted.
MAFS expert Alessandra Rampolla is holding sex classes for the brides and grooms, separately, which means it’s a safer space for Jack to tell everyone he likes sexy pissing.
He goes on to tell everyone that Tori is sexy but he doesn’t want to root her. Timothy has a lot of opinions for someone who’s also not sleeping with his MAFS wife.
Alessandra presses Ben about his indecisiveness around kids, reminding him it could be a dealbreaker for Ellie. Interestingly, Ben has given… Jono(??) the ick and says that Ellie is great. Interesting! Let’s demand a MAFS couple swap (spoiler inside).
Over in the MAFS wives class, Cassandra admits that Tristan has been pulling back and that she wants to get their relationship back on track.
And there it is — Ellie confesses that Ben mocked her. Which is just so wild because Ellie is like, so hot, you guys.
The sex toys have arrived. Lucinda calls them “characters” but personifying my vibrator(s) wigs me the fuck out so I will not be doing that.
She’s offered earplugs to Timothy so she can be topless and fuck herself in peace.
Ben has had a gym epiphany and wants to have kids now! What brought it on? He heard his crying nieces and nephews and smiled like someone who very clearly does not have children.
Ellie thinks he is very random, much like a bin at a private school.
Side note: My least favourite part of these tasks is the fucking alarms. I’m so triggered every time.
Jack and Tori are playing ball games of the [PG] variety and she is vibing his cardigan. This is unfortunate for anyone with sense of style but fortunate for his upcoming YD sponsorships, I guess.
Tori and Jack take their matching outfits to the bedroom for a pash.
This is so mean from the producers to have her talking about the sexual chemistry that clearly isn’t there, according to Jack.
“I’ve got her where I want her,” Jack says. He reckons she’s gagging for it, which he loves.
Fucc mummy (Alessandra) has landed at Tristan and Cassandra’s.
Tristan wants to hear that Cassandra is physically attracted to him because he’s over hearing about all the non-physical traits people love about him. Sadly, today she does not feel physically attracted to him because of his shit energy and mood.
He feels sad that she’s sad, but after staring at one another like annoying people on public transport they are cured.
Well, they were before they created these cursed portraits of one another.
Tim has to tell Sara something, and look, nothing’s worse than the rancid chicken at this point.
Oh it’s a date — how sweet. Too bad Sara is hung-daddy and can not peel herself out of bed for the declaration of love (that may or may not end in road head).
Now this has become Tim’s fault because Sara thinks he is insecure about the fact that she went out with her friends. As someone who has been the hungover friend who has to cancel, and as someone who has had people cancel on her because they are hungover — that ain’t it, babe.
See you for tomorrow’s MAFS recap because my word, that dinner party looks litty mctitty.
Chantelle Schmidt is a freelance writer. Follow her on Instagram.
Watch MAFS Season 11 episodes on 9 and 9Now.
