In my role as the Keanu Reeves Thirst Editor at PEDESTRIAN.TV, it’s important that I stay across all Keanu Reeves-related news so that I can, in turn, bring all the important updates to you, our loyal Keanu-obsessed readers.
Like when he posed for a GQ magazine spread looking like the full meal. Or when he became the face of Saint Laurent in an ad campaign that was high art.
And today, folks, I can tell you that Keanu Reeves, the 54-year-old actor who has been constantly peaking since circa 1994, has revealed that he’s single. Not only that, but he’s lonely.
LONELY. Form an orderly queue, people!
In an interview published on Star2.com, which was conducted at a press event for his new movie John Wick: Chapter 3 — Parabellum (it totally rules, check out my review HERE), Keanu admitted to feeling some sad feelings about his single status when the interview asked the very deep question: “What does love mean to you?”
Keanu, who usually clams up about his personal life, decided to fully lean into his Sad Keanu persona with the brutally honest:
You mean romantic love? You know, I’m the lonely guy. I don’t have anyone in my life. But if it does occur, I would respect and love the other person; hopefully it’ll happen for me.
Keanu. KEANU. Doll. I’m right here. *waves hand frantically like Hermione Granger in a particularly contentious Potions class*
The journalist conducting the interview then pounces on the glorious nugget of information, dropping this banger of a follow-up question: “You describe yourself as a lonely guy. Are you content with that?”
I mean, I think it’s a reasonable secondary query, but Sad Single Keanu, apparently exhausted from his rare moment of vulnerability, deflects it with this strange reply:
I don’t concern myself with it that much. I’m an actor, so in terms of what you’re asking about, I have no answer.
I’m sorry, but is Justin Bobby his publicity advisor? What the fuck is that response?
Anyway, the rest of the interview is blah blah movie blah but as the Keanu Reeves Thirst Editor, I brought you the most zesty tidbit: that the man is single. And now, my work is done.