Like many action movie aficionados and Keanu Reeves fangirls / fanboys, I’d been eagerly awaiting three-quel John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum ever since those paparazzi pics of Keanu riding a horse through Manhattan first surfaced. And folks, I wasn’t disappointed.

The movie came out on Thursday and I went on opening night, hitting up a Gold Class session with my mum because the basic bitch in me is apparently genetic.

And John Wick 3? It fucken ruled. And not just because Keanu is an ageless thirst trap and god amongst mere mortals (but that plays a huge part in it).

The fight scenes are insane

It’s weird because in general life I do not condone violence but in the movies, I love it. Especially in the John Wick films. There’s nothing more satisfying that watching this ageing assassin take on 16 blokes with his bare hands, improvising with books, pencils, a belt, many knives, and also…

John Wick uses a horse as a weapon

Those pics of him riding the horse were just the tip of the iceberg. In John Wick 3, John Wick actually gets a horse to repeatedly kick the bad guys and it’s honestly the second greatest thing I’ve ever seen (after the pics of Keanu riding a horse, obviously).

Keanu on a horse is my religion.

Bronn is in it!

Was I the only Game of Thrones fan who squealed when Bronn (Jerome Flynn) appeared on the screen? Absolutely not. To see Bronn doing his thing on the big screen in John Wick 3 was just a joy to witness, especially since he has blonde hair and a novelty accent. Is he Russian? Is he Serbian? Is he Lithuanian? Who cares, he’s Bronn!

*adopts vaguely Eastern European accent* ‘therre es no cyure for beings a cyunt’

Also, Halle Berry

Hello to Halle Berry who pops up as an old ally of John’s who he turns to in a time of great need. I love Halle Berry and in John Wick 3 she kicks an extreme amount of ass. Also popping up in the film in terms of strong Hollywood women who I love is Anjelica Huston as a scary Belarussian crime matriach.

Anjelica’s best work since Morticia tbh

Dogs are the heroes here

Famously, the events of the first movie all took place because Theon Greyjoy got his cronies to kick John’s puppy to death. The puppy his late wife had left him so he had something to live for. SNIFF. So John Wick got very, very mad and killed many, many people. At the end of the first movie he steals a staffy from a vet surgery and that dog (named “Dog”) has been his faithful companion since. And in John Wick 3, Halle Berry’s character has two dogs and she sics them on bad guys and it’s amazing. Like, I want a pair of these badass dogs myself. I’d literally never be scared of anything.

cute but also will rip your dick off (the dog and also halle)

It’s setting up a whole Universe

What I really like about the John Wick movies are that they give us a glimpse into a secret underworld organisation and really commits to bringing it to life. The Continental Hotel and all its international branches, the code of conduct, the High Table, it’s all further explored in the third movie and I reckon there’s scope for a) about a thousand more John Wick movies please and b) spin-off films and new characters.

Keanu fkn Reeves

Of course the John Wick movies would be nothing without Keanu. He’s the best, and my mum’s one singular criticism of John Wick 3 was: “There wasn’t enough of him walking around looking gorgeous”. Apparently he was too dishevelled and “running for his life” for my mother’s tastes this time around. Hollywood, please take note for Chapter 4.

John Wick: Chapter 3 — Parabellum is in cinemas now.