It’s a truth universally acknowledged that there’s only, like, two things that get better as time goes on. 1. Fine wine and 2. Keanu Reeves.
Keanu is like some kind of supernatural being. He doesn’t have the Paul Rudd thing where he simply doesn’t age. Keanu just seems to get even better with each year that passes. As a kid who grew up in the 90s and used to pore over TV HITS magazines with great enthusiasm to look at all the hot ~Hollywood hunks~, I feel like Keanu has literally been a babe for my entire 33 years on this planet. That’s a long time to be peaking.
A quick reminder in case you were only born this millennium. Here’s Keanu around My Own Private Idaho era (1991):
Here he is in Point Break (1991):
Here he is in Speed (1994):
What about The fucking Matrix (1999):
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FYI Rewind: The Matrix (1999) on Today, Thursday 18th April at 8:45pm, Saturday 20th April at 6:40pm & Monday 22nd April ????at 4:15pm at IMAX Melbourne ???? @imax.melbourne @imax #TheMatrix #TheMatrixFilm #TheMatrixMovie #TheMatrix20thAnniversary #KeanuReeves #Neo #LawrenceFishburne #Morpheus #CarrieAnnMoss #Trinity #HugoWeaving #AgentSmith #MattDoran #Mouse #IMAXMelbourne #IMAX https://www.facebook.com/events/418395782038085/?ti=icl
And of course, the John Wick movies:
And here’s a random hot photo I found where he looks like Harry fucking STYLES. I cannot bear it:
I’m sorry, what we were talking about again? Oh! Yes. Keanu. He’s aged well. And now, the 54-year-old (!!!) has got everyone all het up again, this time on the cover and in a fashion spread for US GQ magazine, shot by photographer Daniel Jackson.
Just cop a look at these pics.
And there’s video:
It’s just too much. And I’m not the only one not coping here.
I JUST CREAMED MY CHONES!!!
— Norma (@LaPrincesa13) April 16, 2019
Is it weird that I licked my phone screen? That’s not weird, right?
— Puck MS (@OJIBAJO) April 16, 2019
keanu reeves: *exists*
— Rhiannon (@NannonHarry) April 15, 2019
I want to make Keanu a steak and have him drink red wine from my lips. https://t.co/6XB1mASWCx
— Nichole ???????? (@tnwhiskeywoman) April 15, 2019
I'm sorry, is it hot in here? Where am I? Wh-what day is it?
— Jen Bergman (@varukasawlt) April 15, 2019
People were flattened.
— Sophie. (@sophiealxndria) April 18, 2019
me when i think about keanu for even a single second pic.twitter.com/KhAgCJLXzO
— sara david (@SaraQDavid) April 15, 2019
Some people needed medical help.
Who needs a defibrillator when you can just admire the artistry of this GQ spread?
— Barbara (@barbara__green) April 15, 2019
I need my pills.
— Fighter.44 (@44_fighter) April 16, 2019
I NEED MY INHALER pic.twitter.com/WTcEBHh2r8
— SEPULMINKA (@minkahunter) April 15, 2019
This guy definitely needs medical attention:
My womb is swelling with desire…and i'm a 40 year old dude.
— Eddie Ruminski (@goddamneddie) April 15, 2019
Others also appreciated journo Alex Pappademas for the incredible profile, which is a glorious ode to the star.
GQ's Keanu Reeves article is less "celebrity profile" and more "glorious fanfiction" and I AM 100% HERE FOR IT. pic.twitter.com/Gh9ytCsEud
— Elissa Hunter (@elissaorion) April 16, 2019
The Keanu profile in GQ made me want three things:
1. a peanut butter and honey sandwich on soft bread
2. a writing retreat at the Chateau Marmont
3. the erotic thrill of making Keanu Reeves laugh
— Andie J. Christopher (@authorandiej) April 15, 2019
To read the profile and see more pics, head HERE. Or you can do what I plan to do and wait until the physical magazine arrives in Australian newsagents and drop $20 on it, so you can tear out all the pics and plaster them all over your walls. Yep, I’ve come TV HITS full circle.Image: GQ / Daniel Jackson