In case ya needed more evidence that Angela is now the captain of the Big Brother ship, the episode begins with our queen bee pulling a tea bag out of her bra.
Yep, she’s been stockpiling tea bags in her lingerie so if a tea drought ever occurs, she’s covered.
To be fair, she is entitled to them. She’s the queen, after all.
Big Brother proves he’s a big ol’ softie at heart by gifting Ian with a pet fish to help him through his grief over the loss of his beloved pet spider, Patricia, and it’s honestly the most wholesome shit I’ve ever seen on television.
But now to the not-so-wholesome shit (that’s what we’ve signed up for).
Evil genius Kieran is trying to make amends for lying to everyone and throwing Danni under the bus but it’s obvious that that ship has sailed and if he’s not evicted at the end of this ep, I’ll be very, very surprised.
watch the girls high-tail it out of the room when he tries to apologise lol
Food supplies are running dangerously low and honestly, that’s where I’d fucking call it.
I’d legit climb over the fence and high-tail it to Manly Macca’s. Put me in a room with snakes and spiders? Sure. Ask me to SPLIT A RICE CAKE? Get fucked, mate.
But as they say, the squeaky wheel gets the oil, and since all the Housemates have been whining about the food shortage (I mean, you would), Big Brother rolls out a ball-related challenge that involves each person having to bolt outside to catch it in the hopes of scoring grocery money.
I’d fuck this one up so bad ‘cos not only can I not catch to save my life (literally, in this case), but the idea of being summoned and made to run with seconds to spare scares the living shite out of me.
Earlier today I wrote a yarn about who I think will win Big Brother and I pointed out that although Angela is the fan fave and loved by many of the Housemates, the fact that she’s been acing all the challenges and therefore pulling the eviction strings means that she’s got a huge target on her back and probs won’t win.
I was correct, ‘cos a bunch of blokes are sitting around trying to come up with ways to get her out and mark my words, our tea queen won’t be winning this thing (but she’ll be serving sass right ’til the end, I’m sure).
So anyway, after a long day / night of running and triggering my stress levels, the gang end up scoring a bunch of dough for grub.
Zoe and Garth are the ones to pick out the groceries they’ll be purchasing and apparently Zoe has a death wish ‘cos she thought it’d be wise to just get green tea and not black tea (Ang’s fave) and have you fucken’ LOST IT!?
bye zoe, nice knowing ya
Ok I’m sorry but that’s just cruel. Like, my heart shattered when Garth breaks the news to her (with a little too much glee, if ya ask me).
I know she’s not the *actual* queen of the House, but legit, she’s made it very clear that tea is her one favourite thing. The woman’s even willing to fish a tea bag out of the toot just so she can have a sip.
So to not allow her that one lil luxury is downright evil (mind you, how much is a box of tea? 5, 6 bucks? Absolute molls, I tell ya).
if looks could kill
Lucky for Zoe, Ian breaks Angela’s lucky streak by winning some weird thread challenge. He chooses to nominate Marissa (ooft), Angela (double ooft) and Chad (eh).
Angela takes being nominated like a friggen’ champ and consoles a sobbing Ian (bless!), reminding him that it’s a GAME.
That is, until they’re on the couch talking to Sonia and when Dan said he hasn’t been playing the game, Ang fires up and says, “It isn’t Centrelink, there’s no hand outs.”
At this point I’d like to remind y’all that Big Brother was filmed pre-COVID so Ang has no idea what’s going on. Sure, Cenno’s been around for decades, but still. The timing of her comment is downright spooky, IMO.
must’ve read those (green) tea leaves
But sadly, she wasn’t psychic enough to foresee her own eviction as she ends up being booted from the House ‘cos she’s a big ol’ threat.
Bright side? She can now sip on all the tea she wants.
Go off, queen. You’ll be missed. <3
WAIT. Just as I’m signing off, Big Brother goes and tells Angela her time in the House isn’t over.
the remaining housemates are engaged in a literal prayer circle for ang, when she’s seen wheeling her bag into a secret room
where’s sonia when you need her to help with the luggage?
Ang is now the sole resident of Big Brother’s bunker (which sounds hella ominous, especially with the apocalypse supposedly around the corner).
So from here on out, Angela will be pulling the streets and seeking her revenge. This shit’s gonna be good.
Matty Galea is the Entertainment Editor at Pedestrian. He also Tweets about pop culture and astrology and posts sarcastic, self-deprecating content on Instagram.
