Alright, crunchy peanut butter fans, get your butts in here, I have a thing or two to say to you all. Firstly, why must you hate on smooth peanut butter, the superior choice?
At the start of this year, I must admit, I was… a fence sitter. I know, I know, a very controversial place to be in the smooth v. crunchy wars, but it’s true.
If you handed me a peanut butter sandwich I wouldn’t care which spread you slathered all over that baby. I was easy to please. I was young, naive and blind to the truth. I had not seen the light.
Now, I’m a convert to the ways of smooth peanut butter. It’s creamy, soft, delicious, and everything you could want from a nut spread. Not only does it taste fkn incredible, but it’s just so easy to eat. I truly want to be buried alive in the stuff.
Crunchy? Now that’s just like putting peanuts in a sandwich. Ask yourself if there is really any difference between adding peanuts and then butter to your bread or adding crunchy spread. There is none. They are both the same thing.
Crunchy peanut butter is an abomination and whoever bans it has my vote for life.
— Lockdown Forsyth (@LachlanForsyth) August 10, 2019
Smooth PB, however, if you will join me in this discourse, feels like a brand new creation. Sure it may be butter and it may be peanuts too, but the end result feels like something new.
You can taste the best of both worlds coming together without feeling like you’re eating every individual ingredient. The smoothness of the butter and the flavour of the peanuts. Out with the crunch. We don’t need her!!
It’s almost like crunchy peanut butter was created when someone stopped halfway in the process of making smooth and then just gave up. It’s unfinished. It’s lazy. It gets all in your teeth.
I know smooth can be a sticky situation too, but I’d rather a sticky mouthfeel than chunks of nuts all up in my grill.
Now let me be clear, I’m not looking to start an argument. I’m looking to start a revolution. Crunchy peanut butter people of the world, I beg of you to reconsider your stance in this heated battle. Your next sandwich, try a bit of smooth, and relish in how mesmerising it is on your palette.
If, after trying multiple times to convert yourself to the proper side, you still cannot do it, then I may have a solution for you. Why must we have this battle between smooth and crunchy, when we can unite. Yep, we can stop all this useless fighting and come together to face our common enemy: those who put butter on their peanut butter sandwiches.
