If you’re the sort of person who relishes an opportunity to gobble cursed food items, strap in. Coles has just unveiled the newest edition to its ever-evolving roster of borked hot cross bun flavours: Special Burger Sauce.
For the low, low price of $5 you too can be the proud (read: deeply ashamed) owner of the hottest 4-pack in town.
According to the product description on Coles’ website, the buns feature “gherkin pieces, topped with indulgent tasty cheese”.
Consider my gag reflex activated. And not in a fun way…
Who, may I ask, is the target demographic for this?
People who’ve had their taste buds burned off in boiling pumpkin soup-related incidents?
Perhaps this latest creation is purely a meme?
Nobody has ever tasted Coles’ Special Burger Sauce and gone “oh, you know what this would taste good with? Yeah hot cross buns”.
It’s just never happened.
In addition to stocking these burger-y monstrosities, Coles also stocks a variety of other unsettling flavours.
These include Red Velvet, Carrot Cake and Vegemite.
Honestly, why not just go the whole hog and create a bunch of savoury non-food-related flavours?
Boot polish-flavour anyone?
However, against all the odds, a spokesperson from Coles attempted to convince us that there was ~some~ method to the company’s gluttonous madness.
“Each year we try to tap into new flavour trends to give customers a fun, modern twist on a hot cross bun, such as our new Coles Special Burger Sauce Hot Cross Buns,” said the company’s bakery general manager Kate Roff per 10play.
“Based on the phenomenal success of our limited edition Vegemite hot cross buns, savoury buns are the new craze.”
I don’t know what to be more offended about: the fact that Vegemite hot crosses were a sales success or that savoury buns, as a concept, are on the rise.
Either way, this confusing new world scares me.