It didn’t happen when President Trump hung up on the Prime Minister, and it didn’t happen when they mulled over imposing tariffs on us. But if there were ever going to be an incident that finally sours the thick-as-thieves relationship between Australia and the United States, it’s this: An American food publisher believes, quite strongly, that you’ve been eating pies wrong. Take a second to swallow that rising ball of rage.
[jwplayer Zs0YsRyH]
It goes thusly: The popular food website Eater has, in the early hours of this morning, boldly declared the tried, true, standard, and traditional way of eating pies is inefficient and false.
Instead, what they propose is something akin to a direct spit in the face.
Look at this shit. Look at it.
If you’re eating a pot pie without flipping it over, you’re doing it wrong (important thread) pic.twitter.com/ytB32b4wHz
— Eater (@Eater) June 4, 2019
Eater’s issues with the “other” way of pie eating stem from the fact that the most common American version of the single-serve circular pie is the Chicken Pot Pie, a messy abomination of weak gravy, some veggies, and chicken bits. The ordinary frozen pot pie comes packaged in an aluminium shell, which is first on the list of their gripes: The pan, they posit, makes eating the pie a fraught exercise in balancing the pastry-to-filling ratio.
The poor crust-to-filling ratio leads to the second problem: the bite’s texture. When the filling overpowers the crust, it’s overly wet. If you’re getting just the crust on the bottom, it can be quite dry.
— Eater (@Eater) June 4, 2019
Their solution to this is a dire state of affairs: Flipping the pie over and going at it upside down. WITH A FORK.
This one weird trick solves both problems. You get the ideal filling-to-crust ratio for every bite, maximizing the joy of buttery, flaky dough and savory filling. pic.twitter.com/JYtSNA6Xq1
— Eater (@Eater) June 4, 2019
Jesus wept, what the fuck is that. What kind of idiot nation has produced people who have gotten all the way to “eat it upside down” before they thought of “just pick the prick up with your hands and hoe into it like God intended.”
Of course, this is the same country that has never heard of shortcrust pastry, meaning all pies they attempt to create tend to have half-full goonbag-like stability, so the problems they’re facing in pie consumption are all of their own making.
Even still, upside down. Upside down. Sever all diplomatic ties now, this is diabolical stuff.
