The year was 2003. The Lizzie McGuire Movie had just come out – simultaneously welcoming sweet, sweet fuckboi Paolo into my wet dreams – Beyoncé‘s solo debut Dangerously in Love was released into the world, and we met a vodka-swigging Marissa Cooper.
Meanwhile, a relatively-unknown 18 year-old by the name of Ms Ashley Tisdale stepped out onto the red carpet with khaki military pants and thongs. Red carpets would never be the same. It was over for you bitches.
Ashley would fast become a staple in the fashion industry, one feather boa and ballet flat at a time.
“She’s simply amazing,” Donatella Versace was overheard saying.*
“That’s hot,” Paris Hilton gushed.*
“I deceased, but now I am truly living. Reborn, sis,” Jesus Christ themself added.*
Like the flick of a thong, 16 years would quickly pass, but Ashley’s iconic early 00’s moments continue to slap us in the face. So let’s take a medium-paced jog down nostalgic memory lane, particularly between the years of ’03-’06, when Ashley served lewks that well and truly belonged in the Louvre.
Ashley brought the military memo well into 2004 but with a flamboyant upgrade, much like me returning to work after summer break.
If Coco Chanel said, “Take one thing off”, Ashley said, “Let’s put all the fucking things on. Yep, keep piling ’em on. I’m Ashley fucking Tisdale.” I also need these boots immediately…
Hand on hip? Check. 17 tank tops layered on top of one other? Check. The first of many flats we’re about to see on this list? Check. Ashley knows she’s that bitch, and she ain’t afraid to flaunt it.
This one bop, bop, bop, bops straight to the top of my list. I mean, how can you look past a pink feather boa, Hello Kitty eye patches and slippers, and some ripped soft pink jean tassels? She serving you ready-to-party-but-also-ready-to-have-a-nap-at-any-moment realness.
I can’t stress this enough – Ashley’s “Thou Shalt Spend” tee is culturally important. I hear it’s being preserved in a vacuum chamber somewhere deep in the Swiss Alps.
The stole makes a reappearance. This ocean-inspired, mermaid-inducing lewk is what I would wear at the top of a lighthouse, staring out into the horizon, pondering “When will my husband return from the war? I’m ready to go to the The Tipton.”
Ashley is stomping on you haters with the birth of the heel. With this metallic, brown colour palette, Ashley single-handedly invented the first classical element that is Earth.
I genuinely miss the time when dresses were paired with baggy jeans. I also genuinely miss those netted beanie caps. I just miss it all. *Teleports back in time*
If only Ashley knew that she’d inspire a new wave of country attire in 2019. It was Ashley’s nostalgic influence and Ashley’s nostalgic influence only. Yee-haw.
I don’t know what’s more brilliant – the skirt over some baggy ripped jeans with a white puffer, or the fact that she’s flexing a literal plethora of purchases. Probably more Ugg boots and feather boas, understandably.
A scarf with sleeves? Stunning. Adding bronze ballet flats to complete the look? Simply inspired. This is the look I’d wear if it was chilly outside but I also wanted to show off my tee, subsequently resulting in me grabbing a pair of scissors and cutting my entire jumper off… You simply have no choice but to stan a crafty queen.
Let’s get one thing clear: Ashley Tisdale walked so the ungrateful fashion baddies of today could run, PERIODT.
*They didn’t.
