When I first heard that two knights were spotted coming out of the bathroom together my mind immediately began to run wild. Imagine my shock when I found out that the two knights in question were NRL players. My mind then ran even wilder.

The NRL Knights has announced it will be investigating two of its players after a video emerged of them coming out of a bathroom together in Newcastle.

The players were team captain Kalyn Ponga and Kurt Mann.

Look, we can’t make assumptions about what happened in the cubicle. All I know is when I enter a bathroom with another man at a venue, there are only so many things we would be doing in there.

You can watch the footage below:

Kalyn Ponga’s father Andre has released a statement about the occurrence, saying that his son was spewing in the cubicle after… *checks notes* buying a house.

“He made an exciting house purchase on Saturday and celebrated with a few mates drinking. Sick in the toilet and his mate went in to help him,” he said.

I want whatever Mr Andre took to have the confidence to write that. Meet me in the Newcastle bathrooms?

NRL 360 held a discussion on the matter, calling out Andre’s excuse for his son.

“We might have to get Pinocchio out again, we’re not believing that fairytale are we?” said James Hooper.

“They’re both coming out holding bourbon and cokes. It’s a bad scene.”

Bourbon and what, sorry?

“It’s not often you go to the toilets with a mate to throw up, do ya,” said host Braith Anasta.

“His team is fighting to avoid the wooden spoon, they had a game against the Broncos on Saturday night at Suncorp Stadium and he chose to go out and get himself plastered.”

“It’s a really bad look and I know the Knights are really concerned about the PR side of it, the culture side of it,” journalist Buzz Rothfield said on the show.

“Do you know how serious I think it is? I think he will be stripped of the captaincy.”

I have to ask, is this like major tea/gossip in the world of straight men? Is this the hetero equivalent of Pete Davidson and Kim Kardashian splitting up? I have to imagine it is. Everyone’s getting so heated and spilling their spicy opinions, it’s real exciting.

The Newcastle Knights have released an official statement regarding the matter.

“Knights management has commenced a process to gather all the required facts. Until such time no further comment will be provided,” a spokesperson wrote.

Well, if you need me I’ll be in the cubicle with a football player.