Greetings fellow heauxs and heartbreakers, I see you’ve clicked onto this article. That means you’re either an expert in the art of heauxing, you want to be an expert and need a handy hint, or you’re repulsed by the idea of using Instagram to get what you want from the world, and are gawking at me with curiosity.

Now, I’m no professional in this realm, let’s be clear. I simply know what worked for me and what will probably work for you as well. First off, before we get into the breakdown of how to pull off Instagram DM heaven, I want to establish that I used this method throughout all of 2019 to some fabulous success, and Instagram was my sole companion. Dating apps? Who needs them.

So Uhh… How Do I Start?

First of all, we need to put all shame out the window. If this is something you want, you have to embrace it fully, and that starts with a little adjustment to your close friends list.

Yep, that little green circle around your Insta profile is about to become a whole lot crazier. Depending on how cool you and your actual friends are, you might need to remove them from your close friends for the time being. Fun things can go on your real story, heaux activity will be operating on the CF list. Business and pleasure bb.

Now, you need to add everyone you’ve ever found attractive onto your close friends, including people you barely talk to but want to. If they’re single and also friends with you on the ‘gram, there is a very high chance that they won’t mind being put on this list, so go nuts.

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But I Don’t Have That Many People?

Okay, here’s where my advice gets batshit. Do you mutually follow a hot person on the ‘gram? Add them to the list. Then check out if they have any attractive friends and add them. If they follow you back, cute, they go straight to the close friends list as well. If they don’t follow, think of it as them not being interested. It’s also good to keep in mind that we’re looking for people who live generally close to you as well. For… convenience of course.

You may think this is crazy, but it works astoundingly well. This is a HEAUX guide remember. At the end of the day, if they ask you why you followed them, they also followed you back, so there’s already a mutual understanding that you both think the other is cute AF.

Eventually, you’ll have a substantial list of people that you’ve never met before, but who see your close friends content. Once they realise you’re on their list, they’ll catch a hint, and if they’re heauxs too, you’ll soon see yourself on their list in no time.

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Alright, What Now?

Content time. Now, the nature of this content is totally up to you and what you’re comfortable with. Instagram doesn’t allow full-blown nudity, so get your mind out of the gutter.

I’m talking tastefully thotty pictures here that would warrant a fire react or two from your new (and old) followers. That’s what we’re after. Think of your piccies as the way to break into a conversation with them. If they’re interested, they’ll react, if they’re not, you’ll figure it out very soon by their lack of response. If that happens, I’m sorry to tell you but they’re probably not that into you, so go ahead and remove them from the list.

Once someone reacts to your pic, that’s your chance to start talking to them in the DM’s. Time to move things forward to get what you want bb! Remember, we’ve cultivated a heaux list here, and the nature of it is very modern and very unconventional. The person you’re talking to will know that there are others on your close friends list seeing the same spicy content, so they’ll treat it with a little bit of competitive spirit.

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Word Of Warning

If you would like to try this, there are some things to keep in mind. First of all, we are not here for feelings. This method only works if you’re committed to strictly being a heaux. You can be optimistic in the face of someone who actually wants to date you instead of… other things, but ultimately that’s not what you’re here for.

Also, be wary of who has a partner and who doesn’t. We do not want to be out here becoming the ‘other woman’. Respect people’s relationship status, and aim for the single pringles in the world. On top of this, have some respect for people who you add straight onto your close friends. Keep the content respectful and tasteful, and never demand or intimidate people into anything.

This is a safe and fun space, and we are after consensual and adult responses to the content you post, and vice versa. Don’t be a creep out there, please, and if someone wants off your close friends, respect that immediately.

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Tips

That mostly concludes the guide, but a handy tip is, if you’re finding it difficult finding people in the vastness and strangeness of Instagram, use a supplement app.

When using the app, if you find someone you like (it’s a dating app, so it’ll be less difficult to know if people find you attractive or not), ask them immediately to add you on Insta. From there, add them to the close friend’s list, and scrap the dating app convos.

Sometimes it’ll take time for them to respond to your posts, but eventually, you’ll just always have them on Insta as a backup, instead of those dreaded dating app convos that die off super quick with no action.

Have fun out there kids!

Instagram close friends hoe phase

Image: Getty Images / Toni Mazrekaj, Svetlana Khokhlova, EyeEM