In devastating news for lovers of both aperitivo and murder, The White Lotus Season Two finale is done and dusted. Arrivederci, ciao and so on and so forth.
I have not seen the finale because I have never watched The White Lotus. It’s shocking, I know, and I must be the only person on Earth who fits in this category.
But alas, I am here to collate the thoughts, feelings and witty asides of folks who have watched the aforementioned finale.
Obviously, there will be spoilers, so do not sound off in my inbox getting aggy about the fact I have ruined the finale. Instead, I’d recommend asking yourself why you clicked on a headline hinting that people had opinions about The White Lotus Season Two finale, making a Campari soda and calming down.
On that note, let us begin the roundup.
During my travels on Twitter, where I have been harvesting people’s reactions to the finale, I learned that Tanya (Jennifer Coolidge) realised on a boat that the gays were out to kill her. She then tried to communicate this to the captain of the boat who didn’t understand English.
Her husband Greg (Jon Gries) was also somehow involved in this murder plot. No further questions at this time, just Tweets.
tanya in the white lotus finale pic.twitter.com/96qGPRyDeT
— kie (@criminalplaza) December 12, 2022
Tanya on the yacht #TheWhiteLotus pic.twitter.com/NlCRUhhM7G
— Moises Mendez II (@MoisesFenty) December 12, 2022
tanya explaining
that she needs to the captain
get off the yacht who speaks
because she’s italian
going to get murdered #WhiteLotus #TheWhiteLotus pic.twitter.com/rJpAKPAkxc— kathleen (@kathleen_hanley) December 12, 2022
Greg when he needs his wife murdered #TheWhiteLotus pic.twitter.com/0MdzeTqp77
— Anxiety Legend (@tamalitopicoso) December 12, 2022
However, Tanya “Peppa Pig” McQuoid (yes, I have seen that zinger on TikTok) decided to take matters into her own hands and kill the gays first.
She achieved such by running around the boat going hog-wild with a gun, a moment Twitter established had stunning meme potential.
Tanya on the yacht #TheWhiteLotus pic.twitter.com/YS9uuJ473t
— Alex Tortellini (@AlexTolerico) December 12, 2022
tanya blasting her way out of that bedroom #TheWhiteLotus pic.twitter.com/Qv0Fe7x0vH
— ziwe (@ziwe) December 12, 2022
No context White Lotus spoiler #TheWhiteLotus pic.twitter.com/lpZFj6CUj7
— vig ¯_(ツ)_/¯ (@vsivv19) December 12, 2022
After going on a killing spree, Tanya tried to get off the boat. According to the people of Twitter, she did not do this very well.
things Tanya should have done in this situation:
1. used any of their phones
2. taken the stairs at the back of the yacht
3. jumped into the water
4. taken off those heels before jumping into the boat
5. just waited for help
6. literally anything else#TheWhiteLotus pic.twitter.com/t9zTJcBCgH— Spencer Althouse (@SpencerAlthouse) December 12, 2022
tanya trying to get off the yacht #TheWhiteLotus #WhiteLotus pic.twitter.com/P2QXPI0BA5
— kathleen (@kathleen_hanley) December 12, 2022
Sadly, while trying to flee the aforementioned boat, Tanya fell over the side, hit her head on a smaller boat and died.
Twitter user Seth posted a clip of the scene and I have never scrumpt a larger scream in my entire life. The clanging noise when her head made contact with the wee boat has demolished me.
this is so unserious i burst out laughing #TheWhiteLotus pic.twitter.com/Vx7dF1uYGD
— squilk backup (@gaybatboy) December 12, 2022
Back on shore, things were happening with Lucia (Simona Tabasco). The biggest takeaway from The White Lotus Season Two finale thus far is that she is gorgeous and serves “bob goals”.
Anyway, Lucia scammed a man named Albie (Adam DiMarco) and Twitter was going off like milk over it. Girl power, fraudulent queen, feminist icon et cetera.
She convinced a man to give her 50,000 euros in 3 days , she’s an icon really #TheWhiteLotus pic.twitter.com/cGpK8Vb7yg
— the last bite (@ammakammaka) December 12, 2022
– secured international clients ✅
– enjoyed resort amenities for free ✅
– smashed Cameron ✅
– smashed Albie ✅
– got a slimy dude to cough up 50k ✅You’re a winner, baby. #TheWhiteLotus pic.twitter.com/I93SMxmTJZ
— Bernardo Sim (@simbernardo) December 12, 2022
lucia was playing chess while everyone else was playing checkers. she is THE it girl pic.twitter.com/BfMdPmnFey
— matt (@mattxiv) December 12, 2022
Awww turns out that Lucia owned and operated an independent, woman-owned business after all 🥰 we love feminism #TheWhiteLotus
— Hai Giang (@giangyhai) December 12, 2022
Lucia’s BFFL Mia (Beatrice Grannò) got a job at The White Lotus as a pianist, despite Twitter believing she has a shocking set of pipes.
Personally, I have never heard Mia sing so I cannot vouch for her vocal abilities, but nonetheless I am happy she scored the gig.
Mia singing in The White Lotus lounge while all the other guests cheat, lie, and murder each other pic.twitter.com/M2wV3oFPu5
— Sam Stryker (@sbstryker) December 12, 2022
They could’ve spared Mia singing on the last episode like girl don’t piss me off……#whitelotus pic.twitter.com/P2ThhURY3o
— ♡B♡ (@cinemashowoff) December 12, 2022
There was also chatter of Lucia and Mia taking Valentina (Sabrina Impacciatore) to “crazy clubs” to find Miss Perfectly Tailored Pant Suits a girlfriend.
Twitter absolutely loved this. Hell, I’ve never seen The White Lotus and I adored it. I’d watch the shit out of that spin-off.
i need this valentina, mia, and lucia spin-off #TheWhiteLotus pic.twitter.com/XOCrnHd3QU
— natalia (@fuckbetteporter) December 12, 2022
GIVE ME THE SPIN-OFF OF VALENTINA, LUCIA AND MIA HITTING THE LESBIAN CLUBS #whitelotus #thewhitelotus pic.twitter.com/v5VSPxYuB6
— Cris ✨| yj & succession era (@lionesspike) December 12, 2022
However, Twitter did not like the antics of Portia (Haley Lu Richardson), who apparently clocked that Tanya was going to be murdered by The Gays™.
Portia after being dropped off by her kidnapper in the middle of nowhere and realizing her boss was probably murdered on a yacht:#TheWhiteLotus
— Dan (@dannah__montana) December 12, 2022
portia while she thinks her boss is going to get murdered #TheWhiteLotus pic.twitter.com/OewZCIrfM2
— toekneepraysick (@tonypraysick) December 12, 2022
Portia and Albie shared some sort of moment at the airport, which Twitter believed was akin to a clown convention. Wishing them a lifetime of happiness at Cirque du Soleil.
Albie and Portia at the airport #TheWhiteLotus pic.twitter.com/NZkLksQE36
— hales🦋 (@HaleyGrimard) December 12, 2022
albie and portia deserve each other there’s not one damn brain cell between the two of them #TheWhiteLotus
— better call mollusk (@molllllusk) December 12, 2022
portia and albie are so dumb and yet they’re absolutely perfect for each other #TheWhiteLotus pic.twitter.com/mU3AtjiYjc
— lauren garafano✨ (@laurengarafano) December 12, 2022
Twitter was obsessed with Meghann Fahy‘s acting chops in The White Lotus Season Two finale, and couldn’t get over how bloody phenomenal she was as Daphne.
Meghann Fahy is SUCH a good actor. these 30 seconds of Daphne processing her husband’s affair (and then calculating how she’s gonna get back at him) are perfection#TheWhiteLotus pic.twitter.com/razdMtDu5G
— Spencer Althouse (@SpencerAlthouse) December 12, 2022
meghann fahy deserves to be cast in everything after her performance as daphne in white lotus season 2, but in particular because of this absolutely brilliant, devastating, and subtle acting moment right here pic.twitter.com/QGjiA5yWz5
— Nora Dominick (@noradominick) December 12, 2022
Daphne’s monologue here… may just have been the best in the entire series… Whew. #TheWhiteLotus pic.twitter.com/eHs4L0jGY0
— Sam Meltzer (@SamTheParasite) December 12, 2022
I’ll never stop thinking about Daphne’s speech to Ethan in #TheWhiteLotus finale. Also, damn Meghann Fahy!!! The fucking MVP of S2
— saloni gajjar (@saloni_g) December 12, 2022
Based on the internet’s reaction, it looked like Daphne was truly just living her best life even though her husband Cameron (Theo James) was being a root rat with his ginormous prosthetic cocky.
Mr Fake Penis was bonking Harper (Aubrey Plaza), who’s married to Ethan (Will Sharpe) and apparently the three of them were going balls to the wall amid the chaos.
But not our girl Daphne, who was on her #LiveLaughLove shit. Slay the house boots down.
Just to reiterate, there is only ONE person currently staying at the White Lotus who is truly on vacation from the world and that’s this queen right here.
The rest of the guests are experiencing traumas, anxieties, conflicts, and terrors while Daphne ✨just finds her bliss.✨ pic.twitter.com/0IrFE8ksvd
— Alex (@aaferiat) December 5, 2022
Daphne throughout the Season 2 of #TheWhiteLotus #WhiteLotus
Maybe she’s right, the key to a successful relationship is just to pretend that everything’s is alright. 🤷🏻♀️ pic.twitter.com/bPN7KhVvWx
— Tanya 💔 (@ScriptedTanya) December 12, 2022
https://twitter.com/champagnepisces/status/1602122215499173888
Daphne on The White Lotus pic.twitter.com/9wQQRgUhyG
— michael brown (@boyinquestion) December 12, 2022
In the end, Twitter agreed that Lucia and Mia won the show. Italian girls stay winning IMO. Never have I ever been prouder of my Calabrese roots.
mia and lucia leaving the white lotus pic.twitter.com/WCuuMDCXsR
— katherine pickhardt (@katpickhardt) December 12, 2022
https://twitter.com/ctuallyryan/status/1602141732480622594
I know it wasn’t a competition, but they won The White Lotus pic.twitter.com/DcipkJirYN
— Sam Stryker (@sbstryker) December 12, 2022
However, one Twitter user believed there was an important lesson to be had in not trusting anyone you meet in Italy, except for the lesbian hotel manager.
https://twitter.com/HLocraft/status/1602141387796930561
On that note, arrivederci! I’ll be back for more clueless Twitter roundups when The White Lotus Season Three drops.
