People on TikTok are getting into the holiday spirit this year by producing hilarious parodies of those god-awful Hallmark Christmas movies, pointing out just how bland and basic they all are. And I, for one, am absolutely here for it.
As nice as the time of year may be, there’s a lot of things to hate about the Christmas period.
The obnoxious couples sending everyone cards about how in love they are, the pressure to spend a tonne of money during a cost of living crisis, or the arbitrary need to find closure before the year closes, just to name a few. Bah, humbug!
However the one thing we can all come together and agree on, is the fact that Hallmark Christmas movies are so incredibly bad that they deserve to burn in an extra layer of Hell, created just for them.
And no, I’m not being too harsh.
What is a Hallmark Christmas movie?
If you are one of the lucky people who doesn’t know what a Hallmark Christmas movie is, allow me to ruin that for you with help from my close personal friend Ted Lasso.
“Hallmark Christmas movies are films that feature women from the big city falling in love with their childhood crushes,” Ted explains.
“It’s usually some fella that owns a Christmas tree farm. Sometimes he’s also Santa Clause or a prince. They suck, but they’re great — but they also mostly suck.”
These movies are so bad that the best way to enjoy them is “with the sound off” according to Ted — and anybody who has ever seen one.
These films are a perfect symbol of all that is wrong with the Christmas holidays.
They are hollow and soulless, desperately trying to hide how cheap and unoriginal they are. They present a shallow image of caring about unity, but only because it makes them money. Any sense of humanity in them left long, long, long ago.
And to prove I’m not alone in my deep hatred of these low production and even lower effort holiday flicks, the good citizens of TikTok have joined the fun of ripping on these cookie-cutter shit-shows with a tonne of hilarious parodies.
So as an early Christmas gift, enjoy a stocking stuffed with some of the best and funniest shorts TikTok has to offer.
Starting with this banger by Alexandra Kopko which shows the deleted scene these films DON’T include.
@alexandrawideeyes This holiday season, get ready for romance! #holidaymovies #christmasmovies #hallmark #hallmarkmovies #hallmarkchristmasmovies #romcom #romanticcomedy #movietropes #comedy ♬ original sound – Alexandra Kopko (She/Her)
It’s the “yeah, no, that does happen” for me.
In case you haven’t seen a Hallmark Christmas movie before, here’s a parody that PERFECTLY depicts about 99.99999% of them.
@thomaswilsonpace Pumpkin Patch Love premiering this Friday 🎃♥️ #halloween #autumn #hallmark #lifetime #fall #romance #love ♬ original sound – Thomas Wilson Pace
Hallmark movies are often criticised for being extremely samey, featuring the exact same characters. Every. Single. Time.
So please meet Hallmark’s Big City Girl Protaganist.
@madison.humphreyy The countdown in on #fyp #relatable #comedy #christmas #acting #hallmark #couplecomedy #relationshiphumor ♬ original sound – Madison Humphrey
Want to speed watch the plot of every Hallmark movie in minutes? Say no mo’.
@1021theedge #hallmarkchristmasmovies #hallmarkmovies #christmasmovies @meredithgeddes @ChrisZradiO @Shawna Whalen @Kolter Bouchard @ mkbowyer @dustylalas ♬ original sound – 1021theedge
@laframbuesaa Fall hallmark movies be like😭🍂 (can’t believe it’s that time of the year again) #hallmarkmovies #comedyskit #parody ♬ original sound – Marie Stella
@mulvers6742 Hallmark films at Christmas #hallmark #movies #hallmarkchristmasmovies #funny ♬ original sound – Mulvers6742
And in case you’re wondering how any ACTUAL human being would operate living in the universe of a Hallmark Christmas movie, here’s how some TikTokers imagined it.
@sarah.daisyy the hot handyman has been renovating that inn for like 17 years now ✨ my favorite series of the year is back!! #christmasmovies #romcoms #movies ♬ original sound – sarah
@the.mcfarlands such a beautiful ending 🥹 #hallmarkmovies #parody #christmas ♬ original sound – The McFarlands
You might have noticed how all of these movies tend to be feature the plot point where a love interest is revealed to be secretly rich.
Wild how these movies would perpetuate that you need to be wealthy to be loveable, hey? Absolute classist garbage.
All of these movies are so the same, that they even have the same titles with literally one word changed sometimes.
@riccomachadotorres Nah, @Hallmark was cooking with the HCCU #CapCut #hallmarkmovies #filmtok ♬ original sound – riccomachadotorres
The only thing it’s “Time for” now, is time for whoever keeps making Hallmark Christmas movies to get a life sentence.
@jacquelynkylie not the pancakes #christmas #hallmark #hallmarkmovies #hallmarkchristmasmovies #hallmarkchannel #hallmarkcountdowntochristmas #meangirls #jonathanbennet #fyp #xyzbca #meme ♬ original sound – jacq
Okay I’m going to be self indulgent now and leave you with another hilarious Christmas parody by lord and saviour Tom Cardy. Because everything in Christmas deserves it’s fair share of parody, and that includes the music.
Okay that is me done for this Christmas. I think if i hear somebody say the word “big city” one more time I’m going to bleed from every hole in my body.
Happy holidays to everyone, except Hallmark.
