Real estate agents are, and let me be very clear about this, an absolutely munted breed of human. The sheer depths of the rat-baggery required to sell garish cornices and matte gold tapware to rich boomers and private school failures with family money would surely rival the Marianas Trench. So quite naturally it was only a matter of time before one of them hit the horny switch and produced a listing video so mind-bogglingly ridiculous that it bent Australian social media in two upon viewing.

Really, the only shocking thing here is that it’s taken this long to happen.

Realtors at LJ Hooker Bankstown put together a truly outrageous effort for a listing in, of all places, Padstow.

The video produced for the house makes it look less like a place for sale and more like a suburban fuck palace with an open door policy.

Honestly, you just have to see it to believe it.

Far too much to unpack there.

Is it implied that the couple fucks when the lights go out?

Why are they clearly different to the couple featured in the wedding photo?

Why the christ does he leap up onto the kitchen bench only to take like two steps on it?

And lastly, just what in the blue hell is going on here??

WHO

THE FUCK

IS THAT GUY??

After the video for the property – the full listing for which you can view here – started doing the rounds of social media, realtors at LJ Hooker Bankstown inexplicably yoinked it offline; though it was preserved forevermore thanks to the internet being the internet.

However despite this, realtor Sam Nader apparently insists that the owner “loves” the video, that it’s just “creative marketing,” and that there was actually a different version that was “a bit more raunchy” that they also yoinked offline.

They’re not mad. They’re laughing, actually.