When the submission period for the names of Melbourne’s five new train stations came to a close on Sunday, we knew the general public would have chosen some absolute clangers.
Now, Public Transport Minister Jacinta Allan is drip-feeding the media a series of potential titles, and we cannot say we’re surprised.
Discussing the would-be monikers for the Domain, CBD South, CBD North, Parkville, and Arden stations planned as part of the city’s massive tunnel project, Allan said that someone suggested Station McStationface. Of course.
Outside of that well and truly stale gag, Allan revealed a string of ridiculously ocker titles: Vegemite, Smashed Avo, and Bunnings Sausage have been suggested, while sporting figures Shane Warne, Dustin Martin, and Jumpin’ Jack Riewoldt also got airtime.
More traditional elements of Australiana have also been suggested. Djadjawurung and Boonwurrung have both been fielded as nods to Victoria’s Indigenous culture, while ANZAC, Memorial, Dunlop and Chauvel were suggested in apparent reverence of Domain’s military history.
Elsewhere, folks just flung in random bullshit suggestions. Allan said a few The Simpsons references were recorded in the submissions, and at least one voter suggested the city dub a station Winterfell.
All said the 50,000-odd suggestions “reflect Victoria’s diversity, history and cheeky sense of humour,” but it’s now time for the advisory panel to whittle down the suggestions (read: cull the bullshit) to create a valid shortlist for the state government to ponder.
The tunnel project is expected to wrap up in 2026. Watch this space to see if you’ll be travelling to North Haverbrook in nine years’ time.
