It’s a question Aussies have been asking themselves for a multitude of years now: Did former Prime Minister Scott Morrison violently shit himself in the carpark of Engadine Macca’s after the Cronulla Sharks lost the Super League Grand Final in 1997? Finally, the man who started the rumour has cleared the air.
The great Aussie myth that ScoMo dampened his dacks with god-fearing power and menace after seeing his favourite footy team lose a match has truly inspired generations of young Australians.
Hell, it’s even become a key part of Engadine history, with a plaque erected at the Macca’s to commemorate Morrison darkening his downstairs. Browning his basement. Soiling his suit pants. Smearing a hot fudge sundae all over his drive-thru.
it will never not be fabulous that engadine maccas has a plaque of where scott morrison shat his pants pic.twitter.com/eqcZfOB860
— fallen!charlie~doctor who?~dolphins thats my point (@_hello_sweetie_) February 10, 2022
The rumour was started by Sydney-based hip-hop artist Joyride (Rowan Dix), who tweeted the biblical revelations in August of 2018.
It was then reported on by PEDESTRIAN.TV, who first broke the news about this wild, wild political shitstorm.
Scott Morrison shat himself at Engadine McDonalds after the Sharks lost the GF in ’97.
— 𝙅𝙊𝙔𝙍𝙄𝘿𝙀 (@donjoyride) August 24, 2018
“Pretty bad I heard,” Dix wrote in a follow-up tweet.
“My mate was working there at the time.”
Tweet turned to myth, myth turned to legend and legend turned into concrete investigations into the matter. This was Australia’s Mystery of the Resurrection. Religions were formed. People (especially Pedestrians) risked their lives for the truth.
Unfortunately, in the year of our lord 2023, the time has come for the rumour to be put to rest.
In an interview with the Hello Sport podcast, Dix finally admitted to making the entire thing up.
I mean, it’s not shocking to find out that Morrison did not in fact roleplay as Augustus Gloop and go swimming in a river of chocolate. It’s just disheartening that the truth had to come to us so swiftly, putting an end to the slight possibility that this urban legend could possibly, maybe be true.
“The intention was never for it to be a rumour, it was just shitposting,” said Dix.
“The whole thing was just like, yeah, he’s such a Sharks fan that he went to the Super League Final where they played the Broncos and lost, and he got so blind that he shat himself at a Macca’s.”
@hellosportpodcast Scomo Shit Himself At Maccas: The Untold Story #ScottMorrison #joyride #auspol #fyp
Morrison himself has denied the event ever happened in an interview with every Prime Minister’s favourite man, Kyle Sandilands.
However, he didn’t provide any actual evidence to prove his case, so until then I will continue to just believe that it happened.
