Australia’s two biggest cities are back in lockdown and the government’s vaccine rollout is a clusterfuck, so it’s interesting that Prime Minister Scott Morrison has chosen now, of all times, to deny allegations that he shat himself in the carpark of Engadine Macca’s after the Cronulla Sharks lost the Super League Grand Final in 1997.

Cross-examining himself live on-air with Kyle & Jackie-O on Thursday morning, Morrison seemed particularly agitated about clearing his name a good 24 years after the non-fatal shart attack is alleged to have happened.

And funnily enough, the entire diatribe came completely unprompted at the end of an interview about non-fecal matters.

“Hey, can I clear up one thing with you guys,” Morrison squeezed in at the end of the interview.

Kyle knew exactly what was about to go down: “Not the Macca’s thing?”

Brace yourselves, Engadine truthers.

“It is the biggest urban myth ever. It’s complete and utter rubbish,” Morrison said, feigning a laugh to convey some false semblance of innocence.

“I’ve found the whole thing incredibly amusing and we’ve always joked about it amongst our team, here, as I’ve driven past it on occasions and said, ‘Do you wanna pop in for a Big Mac?’,” he said.

It’s unclear if Big Mac is a euphemism Morrison has privately coined to refer to his shitstained undies, or if he was indeed referring to the McDonald’s burger of the same name.

Jackie-O joked that the real reason Morrison wanted to come on the show in the first place was flush these particular allegations down the drain for good.

In true Scott Morrison fashion, the bloke brought absolutely no evidence to back up his fanciful claims to continence.

PEDESTRIAN.TV’s own independent investigation found that while there’s no proof that Morrison didn’t soil his dacks before the golden arches of Engadine, the possibility of it having happened is indeed very real.

That’s not to mention the dozens of witnesses who have attested to what is alleged to have occurred on that fateful night. The Google reviews of Engadine McDonalds are the Sutherland Shire’s very own doomsday chronicle, in a way.

Scott Morrison Engadine Macca's

The masses (and an actual plaque) can’t be wrong. And yet the bloke continues to plead innocence.

This isn’t the first time Morrison’s shat out some made-up excuse about his reputation down in Engadine. He even poo-pooed the whole thing in a Midwinter Ball speech way back in 2019.

“Some of the funniest yarns are the ones that aren’t true, and I think that’s one of them,” Morrison told Kyle and Jackie-O on Thursday, July 15, 2021.

Ok, Mr Prime Minister. That sounds exactly like what someone who shat their pants at Engadine Macca’s after the Cronulla Sharks lost the NRL Grand Final in 1997 would say.

Image: Getty Images / Jenny Evans & Matthew Horwood