In True Coloniser Fashion, Ex-Royal Andrew Once Initiated A Siege Over A Toilet That Wasn’t His

Prince Andrew looking confused, surrounded by poop emojis.

The royals are good for one thing and one thing only: petty drama to entertain us while we plot to overthrow them. Enter an ex-maid who exposed Prince Charles and disgraced ex-prince Andrew for having a “bizarre” feud over… which toilet to use. Truly the most pressing conflict of their careers, I’m sure.

In true coloniser fashion, Prince Charles and Andrew (who was recently stripped of his royal patronage after sexual abuse allegations) apparently fought over a toilet after it was taken away and reassigned. Ah, losing land that once belonged to you — what an alien concept for these people.

The spat over their porcelain throne allegedly unfolded around Christmas in 1999 at Sandringham Estate when Andrew, who was a whole 39 years old at the time, apparently refused to remove his stuff from a bathroom that had then been allocated to Prince Charles, The Sun reported.

“We were told not to move anything and not to touch anything in that bathroom because there was an ‘ongoing situation,’” Janette McGowan, an ex-maid who travelled with the royal family, told The Sun.

“When members of the royal family travel to Sandringham they are each allocated rooms and a bathroom.

“But Prince Andrew took the bathroom that was allocated for the Prince of Wales and he wouldn’t budge and refused to take his stuff out of it. It turned into a bizarre stand-off.”

There are just so many coloniser jokes to make here, I don’t even know where to start.

Apparently, the Queen ended up having to step in because the feud was getting out of control. I’m sure she’s used to intervening and asserting her authority over two opposing parties.

“She actually had to have words with Andrew and say to him that he had to use the other bathroom and that was when he finally backed down.

“He was almost 40 at the time. It was very odd behaviour for someone of that age,” McGowan said.

The royals? Having petty squabbles over which bathroom to use while people across the world suffer from their family’s imperialistic antics? It’s more likely than you think.