The latest evaluations of X (formerly Twitter) are in and have valued the social media site at a HUGE loss since it was purchased by billionaire and wannabe-comedian Elon Musk. Let that sink in.
In a disclosure statement from Fidelity, a company with shares in X, it has placed the value of shares in the site that Musk purchased for $44 billion USD, at 71.5% less than B.M (Before Musk).
Musk made the purchase of Twitter after he said he would buy it, but then backed out of buying it when he realised it didn’t make him as cool as he thought it would.
Then when the legal experts said that he had signed an agreement to buy it and that he LEGALLY HAD TO, he suddenly decided it was his own idea and cool to buy it again, making the announcement with this cringe inducing video.
Entering Twitter HQ – let that sink in! pic.twitter.com/D68z4K2wq7
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) October 26, 2022
For a guy who said that “comedy is now legal on Twitter” upon purchase, he really has no idea how to tell a joke.
Musk is the guy who named his kid X Æ A-12 and challenged Mark Zuckerberg to a cage fight, so you know that he’s full of great ideas, and is a really super smart businessman.
Just kidding, he’s the type of guy to claim that he cares about free speech, and then ban anyone from his new platform the second they make fun of him.
If anything, his ownership of Twitter has been wonderful, because it allows the world to see in-real-time every single failure and screw up this idiot makes — all while his army of fan-boys and conservative shock jocks leap to his defence, choking to death as they metaphorically guzzle on his cyborg cock.
Elon Musk fans are people who never realized that being into nerdy shit doesn’t automatically make you smart.
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) May 11, 2020
Some of the reasons that are suspected to attribute to why X/Twitter is such an unprofitable platform right now include:
- Musk’s first move being to make verification something users can pay to have, resulting in hilarious shenanigans.
- Advertisers desperately leaving the platform once they saw how bad at running the platform Musk is.
- Musk firing over half the staff who knew how to run a social media platform.
- Musk saying “comedy is now legal” actually meaning that using slurs on the site wouldn’t have consequences anymore.
- Musk telling said advertisers to “fuck themselves” in a lame attempt to win them back with negging.
- Musk unbanning Donald Trump from the platform, and Trump not even wanting to use it.
- Musk having the genius idea to remove the ability to block people.
- Musk instating a viewing limit for non paying users (Oh yeah, you pay for Twitter now BTW).
- Musk using polls on the platform to make massive business decisions, including if he should stay on as CEO or not — which users voted against.
- And of course, Musk taking the historically successful name of Twitter, and rebranding the company to the name/letter X.
Take the above ingredients, mix them in a cultural pot at a melting temperature, add in the occasional shitty meme from a man who is desperate to be seen as cool, and hey presto: you’ve got a company dropping in value from $44 billion to $12 billion in little more than a year.
Honestly, the most devastating thing about this massive drop in worth is that it means Musk will become poorer, and therefore won’t taste as good when we finally rise up and start eating the rich.
Happy 2024 to everyone except for Elon Musk and his desperate fan-boys.
