We all know that our bodies need to be treated with R-E-S-P-E-C-T so that they keep us upright (literally). Like, benders are fun but they kinda make you feel bad and spaghetti with tomato sauce might taste good but it has absolutely zero nutritional value. Soz.
Well, the same can be said for our groins. That’s right, we gotta start respecting our lady bits, gals. After all, our vagine is a wonder down under. She can keep time (monthly cycle, anyone), she can produce life (hello childbirth), and if you treat her extra, extra nicely she’ll make you feel all sorts of good, if you catch my drift.
But staying on your health A-game is a big part of that. So if you’re looking to keep your knickers out of any sort of knot, follow these rules to a magic muff:
Don’t be a douche
PSA ladies: your vagina is a douche-free zone. And while we’re at it you should also stop spending your dollars on feminine hygiene products that smell like potpourri. No one wants to smell like potpourri, let alone your lady parts. These products are all v. unnecessary considering the vagina is a self-cleaning miracle. She actually needs no help from you other than her daily spritz with warm water. Stop aggravating and put down the douche.
Get your forty winks
Sleep is underrated, both as a hobby and an essential part of your general wellbeing. When you put yourself to bed, you’re giving your body the time it needs to regenerate, detoxify and reboot. Doing all the important things like restoring damaged muscles, making new white blood cells and working on that pesky UTI. Sleep is genuinely vital to our survival, so when you skip the siesta you’re putting your body on the back foot. GO TO BED.
Bless your cotton jocks
Your lady parts can be temperamental. Especially when you throw pH balances and monthly hormones into the mix. A great way to stay on her good side is to wear cotton undies. Cotton is a breathable fabric, letting air in and absorbing moisture, reducing bacteria growth. So leave the nylon g-string in your drawer tomorrow, or better yet, just go commando. Give your vajay some breathing space, woman.
Put good things in your body
Your whole body, including your bits, rely on you putting good stuff in it. This means getting a good balance of the food pyramid into ya diet – lots of veg, a heap of fruit, some complex carbs, and a decent amount of protein. It also means keeping your booze habits in check and putting down the ciggies. Don’t get me wrong, I love a glass of wine as much as the next person but no one feels good after a month of benders. Everything in moderation… well, except cigarettes. Smokes are never good, you ciggie buttbrain.
Yeah, yeah, we all know condoms are the worst. But they’re a pretty bloody important part of our sexual health. Unfortunately, you can pick up all sorts of annoying STI’s nowadays and using a rubber/dinger/jimmy is the only guaranteed way of avoiding that gift that keeps on giving. It’s just part of fun, consensual, grown up sex. But if you’re sleeping with a partner who flat out refuses to use a condom – he’s probably not a keeper anyway. Don’t forget to pee after sex either way so you can avoid a UTI (and have some Ural on hand to help with symptoms if you wind up with one anyway).
The lesson? Treat your lady with respect, and she’ll respect you back.