MAFS dinner party time! How many more of these will we be punished with?
Tahnee and Ollie have taken their roleplaying to the next level. He is Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson and she is some type of fembot.
Bronte and Harrison are somehow fighting about the fact that the other brides don’t like him. This is not new information, but it is a new fun thing for Bunnings Douche to blame on his resilient MAFS wife.
Bronte decides she doesn’t want to act like everything’s fine. It only took you seven weeks but glad you got there, doll. She says she’s done with him, bringing her done tally to 3,233.
It’s time for pre-drinks and it looks like queen Evelyn wants to call Bunnings Douche out on his shit for… calling people out on their shit. I feel dumber.
Cam also wants to do something tonight. What is it, you ask? Break Lyndall’s heart!
Jokes. He doesn’t necessarily want to do that but he likely will with the news of his new remote job. Or maybe she’ll be relieved with the easy out. I know I would be.
Bunnings Douche arrives alone and fully prepared to tell his sob story but Layton and Melinda’s arrival appears to be far more exciting than incoming tears also used for discussions about endo.
Rupert jumps right in to ask Bunnings Douche why he brought the butt dial back up. He says he shared that with Melinda in confidence among many other secrets.
Dinner is ser-ved.
Bronte’s whereabouts is a case for the FBI.
Bunnings Douche explains that his MAFS wife has had it up to here, there and everywhere with this shit and there is “unequivocally” no chance he is staying at the upcoming commitment ceremony. He truly surprises me every day.
Bunnings Douche also says his relationship with Bronte is not a yoyo and tradie, that’s exactly what it is. A yoyo diabolo, even.
In other news, Lyndall is unravelling while Cam strokes his moustache.
He’s clarifying to the table that his job isn’t fly-in-fly-out it’s drive-in-drive-out. Not FIFO but DIDO.
Lyndall is shocked to find out how long these DIDO stints go for. How has this not been discussed before now? Bad Fabio.
Evelyn thinks Lyndall deserves someone who will claim her and don’t we all! Where the kings at?
Again, why are Lyndall and Cam only discussing their issues when there’s an audience. You children literally live together. What do you do all day?
Lyndall wants to rollerblade in Perth, please, which prompts Ollie to ask Cam if he will make a career sacrifice or compromise for Lyndall.
How is he ever going to get a girlfriend with a job like this? It’s the biggest cock block ever. Kind of like my job writing MAFS recaps tbh. It’s like relationship repellent. I can’t figure out why!
Melinda asks Cam how he answered the “would you move for love?” question in the MAFS application.
He says he answered yes to that.
So did he lie or he just doesn’t like Lyndall enough? Can they just breakup?
They can’t even communicate and Lyndall always looks like she’s on the verge of tears. Cam looks like he’s on the verge of featuring on the cover on an erotic novel, but that’s neither here nor hair.
Alyssa jumps in to spew some more hypocritical shit about how it’s OK to not know what the future looks like.
Bunnings Douche is laughing and suggests Lyndall does remote accounting.
Don’t love the guy, but that was fucking stunning.
He says Lyndall and Cam should be prioritising their relationship at this stage of the experiment, which is not wrong but also not right.
“I think that’s really rich coming from you,” Evelyn says. Can these two make out already?
Now Layton is talking about the potential of moving to Brissy for Melinda aaaaaand we’re back at the MAFS couple swap chat.
Bunnings Douche and Melinda keep giggling like they’ve got an in joke that Layton’s not part of. I’m kind of living for the bond they’ve created. Don’t come at me.
Everyone else at the dinner table is saying how much fun they had couple swapping. Bunnings Douche makes a swinging joke and it does not go down well.
Melinda and Layton are now fighting about morals, values, tit for tat, support, punishment, confrontation, threats, dogs, cats, cannabis and likely some other things too.
Layton says something about Melinda also making the bowl-of-keys joke to which she gets up and storms off.
For the uninitiated, couples who swing AKA sleep with other people’s husbands or wives, sometimes go to swingers parties where everyone’s keys go into a bowl. Whoever’s keys you pick is who you end up sleeping with! Fun!
The gals all run after Melinda. Except for Lyndall. Which is an interesting observation I have made.
Guess what? Bronte is back on Sunday night and shock fucking horror.
Chantelle Schmidt is a freelance writer who will be suffering through the pain of MAFS 2023 with you. You can follow her here.